Romantic Quarantine Lies

Now that the pandemic had wreaked its havoc on the world and had finally abated, restaurants were gasping back to life. Occasionally, people still wore face masks, even if they were ill with the common cold or the flu. This was normal in her culture, but it wasn’t normal here in the United States.

While she’d been living in the suburbs for the past few years, she found herself yearning for the days when she still lived in the city. She walked more than she drove back then, or would take the train instead of trying to find parking in her favorite neighborhoods. Part of the yearning she attributed to having always grown up in a city. The other part of it was that she was finally free from her unhappy marriage, and could go about her favorite old haunts that had survived the pandemic without having to explain where she was going.

Luckily, one of her favorite diners had made it. They were open 24 hours, so their menus changed with the shifts of their staff. Unable to sleep and feeling the itch to walk her city at night again, she settled into a table at Maura’s Café and started sketching in her notebook after the waiter took her drink order. She thought back on the past year, which proved to be one of the strangest, most dramatic years she’d experienced in her lifetime, which was saying something.

During the shelter-in-place orders, she was still married and living with her spouse. They had become distant with each other before the pandemic, and being forced to be around each other 24/7 only amplified the silence between them. He assured her that he loved her, but she had a hard time feeling the same way anymore.

Most of her friends still lived in the city. Two of them were engaged and living together, but lived in an older building without air conditioning. They were fighting more, so she thought that bringing them one of her spare air conditioning units would help ease the tension between them. Her plan was to drop the air conditioner off in their lobby in order to maintain social distancing. Her friends lived in a popular neighborhood, so she had a hard time finding a place to park nearby. In fact, she was a little over a block away before she found a place to park. Wearing a mask, she huffed and puffed and struggled with the heavy air conditioner as she made her way to their building.

A man walking by from the opposite direction saw her struggle and offered his help. Despite his face being mostly covered by a mask and glasses, she found herself attracted to this stranger. She accepted his help, and they tried to stay as far apart as they could by each of them holding one side of the unit. He even helped her maneuver the bulky air conditioner into her friends’ lobby. She thanked him as she started to walk back to her car, saying she’d offer him a beer in thanks if the bars weren’t closed. He chuckled, and she felt a shiver down her spine.

“I’m Caleb,” he said, fighting the reflex to shake her hand, “Can I have your name and phone number?”

Flustered, and still married, she turned and ran towards her car. He called after her, but she didn’t stop running until she reached her car. She felt intense anxiety as she drove back to the suburbs, wondering what just happened.

The next day, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Even though what she only had a chance meeting with this stranger, she felt odd, and felt wrong, that she thought of him at all.

Scribbling more intensely in her notebook to take her mind off of him, she thanked the waiter as he dropped off her drink at her table. It was a Lavender Collins. As she sipped it, it tasted like freedom. The last time she had this drink, she was single, in school, and happy.

As usual, she couldn’t take her mind off of him, despite her scribbling and the delicious cocktail in her hand.

It was well over a year later now, yet she still thought about him. Certain songs would remind her of that time in her life. She closed her notebook and sighed, and took another sip of her cocktail. Now that she was divorced and living on her own again, she could meet people, but the thought made her sad. There was no guarantee, in her mind, that she could have a lasting relationship with anyone, and felt like she lied to herself for trying.

It was 1AM in Maura’s Café, so she was surprised when a handful of men walked into the establishment. Curious, she glanced up. She nearly choked on her cocktail. One of the men was Caleb. He still had the same glasses, his hair was a little different, but that made sense since it had been over a year since she’d seen him in any way. They were seated nearby, and she tried to listen in on their conversation. She could hear their voices, but couldn’t make out what they were saying.

This was the first time she was in the same room as him. She reveled in the sound of his voice, and wished she could speak to him. "Would he recognize my voice?," she wondered. She ordered another cocktail, and this time sipped on it slowly, so that she could at least enjoy his distant presence for as long as his group would be there. They would occasionally erupt into laughter or point and make faces, so she imagined that they were catching up.

After yet another cocktail, her mind raced to think of a way to speak to him that would seem organic. Each idea seemed like that of a stalker to her, so she gave up. Feeling tipsy, she ordered a coffee and a water. Luckily, she had walked to the Azure Line and took the train to Maura’s instead of driving, so as soon as she felt a bit sobered up, she would walk back to the Azure Line and head home.

She walked up to the counter to pay her check. The cashier counter was closer to Caleb’s table than her own had been. As she made small talk with the waiter as they finished the transaction, she saw Caleb glance at her from the corner of her vision. The waiter thanked her, she reciprocated, and she rushed out of the restaurant.

“Wait, hold on,” she heard Caleb say just as she was halfway through the door. She pretended not to hear him and kept walking. He didn’t follow her. Part of her wished he would, but she knew that it was better that he didn’t.

As she watched the city rush past the window of the Azure Line train on the way home, she considered not going to Maura’s Café anymore, to reduce the risk of running into him. She sighed. Maura’s was her sanctuary, and one of the few places she could go safely on nights where she couldn’t sleep. She would not give up her escapes to Maura’s.

The walk from the train station to her apartment was blissfully short, and she felt a sense of relief when she was back in her apartment with the door locked. She took of her shoes, made her way to her bed, and cried. She wished she hadn’t been married, or divorced. She wished she could have spoken to Caleb and at least been his friend. As she fell asleep, the last thought she had before entering into dreamland was that at least she had her freedom. She was grateful.