Riding Into The Sunset

Ever hear that saying Riding into the Sunset. Well, it isn't a myth. Love can be found when you least expect it to.

All of my life, I have been alone, sad, and feeling abandonment. Feeling unloved. But this past year he found me again, November 29th, 2019, something wonderful happened Shane found me again. They say when you love someone, set them free. I did that, and it nearly tore me up inside. I have heard that love hurts. It does hurt.

But I never gave up, I couldn't. Even though it hurt being away from him. I couldn't stop thinking of him. When I saw this man I knew he was different. But I was stubborn, my defense was up.

When a girl is hurt she runs to her Mom or Dad. I didn't have that; I envied girls that did. I envied women who were happily married, having their first baby, at the height of their careers. I was stuck in limbo, feeling lost, alone, and bitter.

Previously, in the year 2018, I went through a lot emotionally. I felt alone, I just kept going deeper, and deeper into the darkness. He reached out to me on April 1st, I thought it was a joke. But clearly, it wasn't.

Last summer of 2019, I had gone to 4 fairground festivals, all the while asking myself why I let him go. Why do I write something I never experienced? Why not just give up writing, give up everything, and just exist.

I closed myself up for so long, it got to the point where I just wanted it all to stop - the constant hurt feelings, everything. So, When I went to my primary care doctor at the time she told me about a place called, Charak Center for Health and Wellness. I had heard of it before for an obvious reason. One of my family members went there.

I needed help emotionally because I couldn't do this anymore to myself. When I joined Charak Center I was diagnosed with PTSD, Biopoler, and ADHD. The first one I already knew about. I wanted to move past my emotional demons. So when I was diagnosed I had the choice of choosing a therapist. I chose one and he helped me.

I remember everything I put him through, what I put me through, the self-destructive things I did to myself: overeating, being my worst enemy, not loving myself, everything. All because of my troubled childhood.

The reason why I write this is not just as a declaration but as a way of saying people with mental illnesses are having a rough time during COVD19. Isolation is never good for anyone, but it is happening every day. A lot of people have checked out, figuratively speaking

What has helped me is when I have the love of my life by my side. A great support system with my friends. And just staying strong.

A long time ago, I gave up on myself. Then someone told me it is never okay to settle for less, you are defeating your inner demons now, it's time to take a chance.

Even though I was terrified I took a chance before November 29th, I added someone I love back into my social media life. I hadn't been easy on him, but I had to try. I owed it to myself, and him. He accepted me immediately but hadn't spoken to me for a long while, probably thought that I would ice him out again out of fear.

I waited for what feels like forever eager. But too afraid to say anything, then he finally spoke to me. After everything, I did he would have made me wait longer. But he didn't.

We were both afraid of rejection, I think.

I didn't know what to say when he spoke to me. I had never blushed so much in all of my life. By that time I was still getting help with therapy, and that old attitude I had all my life was still with me. How can anyone love me?

When he was so hesitating about asking me something, I realized he was broken like I was for so long. I felt so responsible I had no idea he was being mistreated.

Things always seem to happen in their own good time. Shane asked me "Will you go out with me, Emily?" When I said yes without hesitation it surprised him. He thought for a minute he would anger me. But I wasn't anger, scared yes because I didn't think I deserved happiness or love. Nothing to do with him I have never been afraid of him, I was afraid of giving into something much more powerful than myself. Love.

We ended up back together on November 29th, 2019, and still going strong. Our love is so strong like the ocean waves crashing onto the rocks. The past forgot, nothing but a memory.

We are living our definition of forever and it is only the beginning. And I look for my journey with my man. I love you so much Shane, I would do anything for you and I am passionately, deeply, truly in love with you. I have been since the moment I saw you.

Love is the only thing to never be afraid of, loving yourself is important before entering a relationship. And I think I learned that from being away from him. Even though it was the hardest thing that I ever did. Never doing that again.

Reading books like the Black Dagger Brotherhood series, House of Night series, and so many other romances. I am honestly saying that my romance with Shane is still being written. And it is an endless story. It will never be done writing.

Let's ride into the sunset baby!

Romantic Sunset with the man I love on a gorgeous glittering beach.