Respectfully Declined.

For years I was what you call a “do girl in other words , I was a "yes" girl and later grew into a woman. I had absolutely no boundaries and quite frankly that word “Boundaries” was just not in my vocabulary. The word alone seemed confrontational and harsh .

I was an emotional crutch for everyone, and did whatever they asked of me, even when it left me unhappy and feeling depleted. I went with the flow on somethings I did not agree with. Looking back I can honestly say what I really craved is what no one could give me. That was unconditional love and approval. Big emphasis on UN conditional love , these days many love you with conditions . They love you for what you can do for them . In some cases it almost feels transactional . They are not truly loving you , for you at your core. They love what you can do and how can they take advantage. They love that you lack self respect and they love that you lack boundaries.

Truth is , many of us don’t like enforcing boundaries because that means we might have to really use our voice. That voice that has been on mute and thoughts on full volume. So many things you wish to say but when the opportunity presents itself, you don’t have the courage.

Perhaps overly scared?

Scared of what the other person may say in response , maybe even feeling guilty of setting the necessary boundaries? Learning to set boundaties can be very uncomfortable at times , whether it’s in your professional or personal life. But is oh so necessary.

I know for me I genuinely do care about people and genuinely didn’t want to hurt their feelings . In turn I just stopped speaking up altogether. When something bothered me, or my feelings were hurt . I never spoke up and the times I did I was not heard. Not heard because they had a hearing impediment , but them choosing to dismiss me and my feelings. In turn I accepted what people were dishing out . I accepted what they wanted to give me. I accepted the disrespect. I accepted the mental and emotional abuse. I accepted them crossing boundaries that I just didn’t know how to properly enforce .

I later came to the realization that I could not keep bending, and continue allowing others to bulldoze over me and neither should you! When you speak up for yourself, you may lose some people. You may even lose some opportunities. Some things may not go the way that you initially planned. But guess what you did not lose? Yourself.

When you find yourself watering down your gifts , and talents to appease others. Respectfully Decline.

Abandoning yourself , your truth , and integrity to fit in.

Respectfully Decline.

Where there is no mutal Reciprocity, and forcing the connection.

Respectfully Decline.

Discarding your boundaries to uncomfortably fit into other peoples lives.

Respectfully Decline.

Carrying emotional baggage that simply doesn’t belong to you .

Respectfully Decline.

Respectfully decline anything that is less than you deserve. Remember that boundaries are not for other people, boundaries are for you. Speaking up for yourself is a way of setting a boundary.

Stand firm with your boundaries like a rooted tree, and be sure to watch all the rotten fruit , fall out of of your life.

In most cases, if not many it’s not what you say but the way in which you articulate it. I suggest taking some time and writing out your boundaries and non negotiables. After writing them, say them out loud.

Why?

Well saying them out loud allows you to be aware of your tone , and you can even role play with a neutral person, mentor , or therapist .

A small part of me will probably always want to be seen as the nice girl, the one everyone gets along with. But the difference between the woman I was and the woman I AM now is my strong sense of who I Am and everything I choose to do flows from that place. I found a way to love my voice again , my speaking voice and in doing so I found my confidence.

Stay Radiant

-Ss