Relationships should uplift you.

How often do you look and tell yourself that you’re proud. Proud of how much you have to be grateful for . The good ones and not so favourable ones too. Do you tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself often?

Are you kind ?

Are you motivating yourself ?

How often do you gas yourself up?

Are you your own biggest cheerleader ? And not in an egotistical way either. I know I am the biggest supporter of others and along the way gave up on myself .

Truth is , I learned to operate in place of appreciation as oppose to expectation.

On a lighter note

How often do you celebrate your accomplishments? With all of the power moves you’ve made thus far, career changes, acceptance letters, new jobs, new relationships, reaching business milestones, You name ! Are you really taking a moment to just be proud of you? Proud of your resilience , courage , and growth. Yes, you may have a long journey ahead of you, but stop today and look at your growth. Look at how you challenged yourself.

May, 8th , 2020

Today , I woke up different and as I continue to take inventory on my life, and many self realizations. I become more in-tune with myself. I no longer want to promote superficial lifestyles, I want to help elevate other woman. -Ss

Relationships should uplift you , in all aspects . Contrary to popular belief, Woman are NOT Bob the builder. It is not our job to build anyone up but ourselves, unless it’s your child , yes of course. Grown adults should take the necessary steps to better themselves.

Along the way , I discovered that people only value things they understand. No matter what amazing qualities you think you’re bringing to the table if he is not familiar with those qualities he will not care.

So the question remains , what do you do when you finally realize your worth?

Lets get into it , shall we ?

For centuries there has been expectations of what a woman is supposed to be and look like. Some false narrative of how every woman should aspire to be.

Let’s face it , Woman are emotional creatures . Through looking at my own experiences I realized staying in relationships that don’t make you feel good , has a lot to do with inner insecurities and lack of confidence. Woman have many roles, mother , sister , daughter , girlfriend , friend, self proclaimed doctor and Wife. Woman are powerful okay , there is no debating that .

Within the Black Community particularly, I continue to see the inaccuracies and portrayals of what a woman is supposed to be. It couldn’t be more wrong . From the best selling movies, television shows and music, feed into these false notions of what a woman should be, look like and in turn glamorize struggle love and playing the position of Ride or Die” .

All that it does is indirectly influence and promotes struggle love. Your Grand daddy treated your Granny bad . And the cycle just really kept going and going.

But , Can we truly be to blame?

Looking at familiar patterns , and generationally speaking that is . That’s pretty much the narrative that was pushed. I am talking over decades of this “Normal”. Who convinced this notion anyway ?

It is extremely broken and needs to be thrown out . And when do you become less for wanting more?

Allowing mistreatment, whether it be physical , mental , emotional abuse is NOT okay. Submit they say .. Be a feminine woman. How can a woman really operate as divine when she’s pulling all the slack. So in turn gets sucked into this nightmare of struggle love.

Struggle love is .. just that struggle , love.

I spent lot of years feeling as though it was my duty to fulfil that title of “Ride or Die” as of it was something of great prestige. Sometimes a little part of me cringes because I fell right into accepting struggle love. Don’t get me wrong , I am not embarrassed by it at all, the reason is because it’s my truth and have grown tremendously and no longer think that way.

What are the signs of love?

Can we uplift one another ?

When you love someone you see nothing wrong in them. Even if you see a fault (s) you quickly justify it in some way saying, “Everyone does that; its normal.” You are in this constant belief that in order to win their love , you over compensate and keep pouring from an dehydrated cup.

Before you know it , you date the potential as oppose to the actual person it self. Ordinary things start to become extraordinary.

You deserve to get fresh flowers every week.

You deserve to receive surprise gifts and dates .

You deserve to be treated with respect and care . I know deep down you know that too.

When you really love someone, you want to see them happy, and healthy , you want them to have the best, even it means you go without. Once I elevated my thoughts , I realized how much I didn’t value myself and how wrong I truly was .

We often miss our biggest opportunities because they don’t look like opportunities at first. Not all opportunities are going to be BIG, loud and in your face. What if, the big life changing moments you were looking for were quiet, subtle, and right in your face? What if opportunities didn’t just tap you on the shoulder, or knock at your door, but you had to open your eyes and find them?

I would be lying if I said I don’t feel stuck ever . Truth is , We all feel stuck at some point in our lives. Sometimes there are so many directions you could possibly go, that it’s overwhelming, and sometimes a lack of obvious directions leaves you feeling trapped. Sometimes suffocating. Being stuck isn’t always a bad thing.

I know you are probably thinking, girllll what are saying . Well what I am saying is, the feeling of being stuck is an integral part of the process of self improvement. Those feelings can be overwhelming and so real and you don’t want to sit with them forever.

It took me time to realize that I have no control over how other people feel. I have no control over what other people say, and certainly have no control over what other people do.

Now re read that and affirm that to yourself in times you may need a gentle reminder .

Yes I said it , I am no longer playing that role of Ms fix it . What I do have control over is myself.

If I could tell my younger self , or any woman it would be a few things .

Profitable Pointers

1. For starters , if a person cannot tell you how exactly being in a relationship with you , elevates the BOTH of you , helps you grow , align , seek the best for yourselves and each other . If the questions have you feeling confused and really tough to answer .. then that’s a perfect time to reflect .

2. Never allow anyone to mistreat you, it doesn’t matter what their title is in this world. Family , friend , foe , lover . Those things hold no merit to your value and self worth.

3. Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet you. That is a Non negotiable.

4. Seeking validation will only keep you trapped and feeling empty . True strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming things you once thought you couldn’t do.

5. Never doubt yourself, you can do it . Face your fears .

6. Normalize Luxury in your life , preserve yourself .

7. You don’t need anyone or anything to approve of your worth. When you understand this, you’ll be free.

8. Regain your power , validate yourself . You are amazing and deserve to be treated as such.

9. Learn to love the person you are. Practice the act of Forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness can also look like forgiving the part of you that holds on to memories that don’t feel so good and not getting the lesson for your growth...so you can move forward

Know who you are

Know who you are on the inside is pivotal in something as small as knowing what you like vs. don’t like or as big as making a life changing decisions. Choose yourself , every time.

10.Your life is yours, and yours alone. No matter what other people are doing today, tomorrow, or next week when it’s all said and done sis, your show must go on with or without him or her.

You control the level of confidence in yourself, not your job, not your title, not your followers, not your environment .. just you. You have the tools, the resources, and the power to walk into any room like you own the place.

She has a mindset of a Queen and heart like a warrior . She is everything all at once and too much for anyone who doesn’t deserve her. She is you .

Rise up Queen.

-Ss