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Release Guilt After Your Breakup

Make it easier on yourself

By Lizzie MartinezPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
The pain will go away in time


1. Understand that in any breakup, it’s normal to feel guilty, angry, bitter, etc. There’s nothing wrong with allowing yourself a certain period of time to get over the relationship and it’s also okay to move on with something/someone new. No one can tell you how long you have to stay SINGLE after a break-up. Though, keep in mind, you will probably be eating away at wishing the other person would have tried harder to keep you. To do better instead of having you feel used.

2. Remember how much you have you've given of yourself to make your relationship work and it always takes two to make it work. One party is not responsible for the entire relationship while the other person just wants to receive and put nothing back into it. Nothing helps to release guilt better than knowing you did more than the other person to keep them out of trouble/maybe from the law itself and they think that it was all them and you did nothing.

3. Consider leaving the person you’re with as a complete favor to them. You’ve just allowed yourself to find the right person for yourself who will actually be there for you when your partner wouldn’t and only found time to put you down behind closed doors, talk bad about you to his/her family, and pretend they never did and have their family involved in your relationship when they didn’t know what was going on and would sometimes threaten you or threaten to ruin you if you leave them even though they clearly don’t want you to begin with. Find someone that will give you that peace, joy, unconditional love that you truly deserve. If you live with a Narcissist as a partner and her/his family is the same... they believe that nothing they have done is their fault and will go about telling others lies to spite you so they don’t have to take any blame. They would rather keep you miserable then be happy especially if he/she isn’t sure they will find someone to accept their behavior(s). So even though you know the relationship is toxic and unhealthy, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive your partner may feel the relationship is going well, despite how you feel. GET OUT of this relationship!

4. Make a list of all the good and bad things about the relationship. If your partner had more issues than most people got to see write it down. Write down the toxicities they portrayed in front of you and how they behaved in front of others.

5. Remember their behavior(s) that drove you crazy. How many times were you put down? How many times did that he/she make you cry and seemed to enjoy the pleasure of hurting you? How many times did he/she involve their family/friends because they couldn’t handle their own relationship issues and wanted someone else to do it for them? Did your partner cheat on you and make it seem like it was no big deal or it was somehow your fault? How many times was he/she abusive with you and then turned the tables on you to make it seem like it was your fault that he/she treated you poorly? Does your partner deny hurting you at all and tells others you made the whole thing up so he/she doesn’t get in trouble for what they’ve done? Going down memory lane will help you feel less guilty about leaving the person you are with.

6. Be totally honest with yourself. Maybe you feel like you moved too quickly when you left, but leaving someone is never easy. There are always two to make or break a relationship and if the other person truly loved you they would have gone above and beyond to keep you instead of letting you walk away. Don’t let your mind or ex make you think that those bad times were actually good times. We both know that would be lying to yourself. You need to be self-honest instead of dishonest with yourself and those around you.

7. Realize they are going to move on and probably already have a while ago and just played you like a fool. Your wounds will heal, but not how they should. Sometimes, love isn’t enough to keep things moving along in a relationship. Sometimes, the person never loved you to begin with and they used you out of convenience, and by the time you find out you will analyze your entire relationship as one big lie. Besides, if you don’t move on, you might miss out on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right along the way.

8. This is the time to pat yourself on the should for having the guts to end the way you’ve been treated for years. Enough is enough and you are the only one that has lived through these battles that no one knows about. So don’t feel guilty. Don’t let his/her family make you feel bad about leaving your partner. They weren’t there to witness all you’ve been through and they will more than likely only believe what he/she has told them because in front of them he/she was such a sweet, caring person and saved face in front of them while another person when no one was around. So don’t blame his/her family for wanting to stick up for someone with false narratives and games that were played in front of them. I’d actually for sorry for them because eventually, your ex will do this again to someone else, and then it’s possible that his/her family/friends will get the idea of what went wrong with your relationship.

9. Stop being so negative. Don’t think so hard and so much about the failed relationship. It may sting. It may hurt like hell. It may feel like you’re broken… but move forward and be look on the brighter side. They may find someone who suits them for a short time and either be happy or be treated the same way he/she treated you. I’d recommend making a list of all the good and bad reasons why it was a good choice to break this relationship up now.

10. It’s not becoming of you to cyberstalk your ex so less communication on social media may be the best bet and block them. How can you get over someone who suddenly posts that the relationship ended and somehow it was all your fault… they had no idea it was going to happen… they are shocked and the break up happened out of the blue when we all know those are not the truths at all, but some people will automatically believe those things and want to come to the aid of the actual abuser/cheater/liar in the relationship and forget about the victim they hurt in the relationship. I’m not saying you can’t add them back to your social media pages in the future, but for now, you don’t need to see his/her lies on social media for the world to see. You don’t need to see that they are telling people you are breaking up or divorcing and not explain their part in the situation. Somehow it always seems to be your fault and they accept no blame or responsibility on their part. Truly!

11. Speak to a counselor that handles breakups. We must learn that love is an emotion and everyone’s heart breaks differently while other’s hearts don’t ever seem to break. While you feel like you’ve been wronged and stabbed in the heart, your ex just in your presence. Seems fine to bash you at every waking moment and is cold and callous about what they did to you. Find a counselor that will help shed light on things for you. They can help you get rid of the guilt you may be feeling. They may give you tasks to do to help release that guilt if need be.

12. If turning to a higher power helps you then do so. Not only do you need to learn to forgive yourself and move on but you can turn to that higher power that some of you may believe in and find some inner power to help you heal. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with guarding and protecting your sanity, your health, your happiness, and safeguarding who you are as a person. Don’t let someone force you to be someone who you aren’t because he/she refuses to change.

Feeling pain is the normal part of the grieving process when it comes to breaking up with any sort of relationship. There is nothing wrong with finding someone new soon after (just take it a bit slower this time around to make sure he/she is the one without the influence of your family/friends). Be with someone who makes you happy. Who appreciates everything about you. Who doesn’t put you down. Be with someone who is always happy to see you when they come home or being in your presence.

Be content knowing that THERE is someone else out there that will do for you when he/she wouldn't. Maybe his/her excuse was you were asking for too much or they just wanted to constantly take from you and not give in return.

Lastly, I can't stress it enough… you're health, mental state, sanity/clarity is VERY important, and don't let ANYONE tell you how soon to look for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

If YOU were the culprit to cause the end to your relationship, then I would think and hard before destroying someone else's life and dreading them on and involving family/friends in your behavior.

Take care of yourself and I hope you find that special someone who will make your heart love and laugh once again.

I wish you all the best


About the Creator

Lizzie Martinez

Little person, actor, published author of several books & other works, poet, Script Writer, Expert Paranormal Investigator/ Consultant/Instructor & Founder of my own paranormal business & Sensitive Medium.

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    Lizzie MartinezWritten by Lizzie Martinez

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