Relationship statuses

The other day, I was out with my older sister, feeling a sense of achievement and satisfaction after walking and jogging two laps around our local park and enjoying our reward of a delicious matcha and blueberry iced latte. When we passed one of her friends at the bus stop, they started chatting. The friend in question didn't look familiar (she was wearing a mask and headscarf, so that could have been it), but I half-listened to their conversation, nodding in the appropriate sections. And then the friend turned to me and asked if I was married. Whoa, wait, who is this lady? I said in my head as the happy hormones began to leave my body. I answered politely, "No, I'm not," she replied, "I wouldn't think someone like you wouldn't be married!" which I think was meant to be a compliment, so I smiled in response - not knowing what else to say. My sister didn't help matters by asking her friend if she knew of any good Christian men, but thankfully, her bus arrived soon after to cut the awkward conversation short. And I still didn't know who she was despite my sister's best efforts to remind me - once again confirming why I shouldn't leave my house! Anyway, as I relayed the conversation back to my niece, she gently reprimanded my sister for trying to get her friend to play matchmaker whilst recognising my sister had only good intentions (which she does). But I started to think that my sister's friend, let's call her 'Katy' question, was definitely not okay.

I wouldn't ask that of someone I've known pretty well, not alone a vague acquaintance. If someone wants to volunteer that information, that's fine, of course, or the topic comes up naturally during the conversation, but personally, it feels too much like overstepping a boundary.

I answered Katy factually but did not elaborate. After all, there could be several reasons why a person might not be married – they might not believe in marriage (I do, by the way) or have that as one of their life goals. Or they simply haven't met the right person or are divorced/widowed and not looking to get married again anytime soon.

I think when you're a woman of a certain age, say in your late 30s–40s, this question can feel quite attacking or accusatory, especially as society expects us to have settled down at this point while maintaining successful careers and homes that we all own. And if you haven't, maybe there is something wrong with you! When there truly isn't.

And if you add the children factor or lack thereof, then the suspicions become doubled - why would you want to be single AND child-free? Instead, let's leave women who choose this for themselves to get on with their lives and not shame or criticise them - and for the others who are living fulfilling lives while being open to settling down with the right person, that's okay too!

But I tell you, what is wrong is asking someone about their relationship status before asking them how they are, which is what Katy did. Surely, in the world we currently live in, enquiring about a person's well-being is just as important, if not more so, than finding out whether they are married. Or is that just me?