Quality Of The Moment

I have been seeking through the entirety of my life, as so many of us do, the elusive, and highly coveted, Happiness. I have spent most of my life, looking at the stars, and wondering, what my purpose is, and how do I go about going from where I was to where I wanted to be. I was blessed by god, to have my life diverted, in such a way, that instead of my focus, lying on the pursuit of material possessions, it was instead directed towards a path that was to be fraught with trials, that up until that point in my life, I had never even dreamed of facing before.

I was going to school full time, and working full time, and was newly married, had just moved into my very first apartment, and was living for all intents and purposes, a pretty normal life. I had a major life event take place shortly into this newly established life of mine, that caused my marriage to fall apart, that event was infidelity. I let my brother move in with my wife and I, because he had no where to go, he was homeless, and I wasn't about to see him live on the streets, if I had the ability to help him from being in that position.

I was at school, and I found out that I had made the Deans list, for attaining a perfect grade point average, which shocked me, and gave me a deep sense of gratitude and pride. I went home and saw that my wife, and my brother were playing games together on our Xbox, this would seem like a totally normal thing for anyone to see, but my brother did not always have the best intentions, and apparently, neither did my ex wife. The energy was very strange when I walked through the door to my apartment, to see them playing games, and laughing, and truly enjoying one anothers company.

There had not been a moment up until that point, that these two individuals liked each others company, they could barely stand to be alone in the same room together, so when I witnessed my ex wife and my brother behaving so compassionately towards one another in a way that not only felt so terribly wrong to me, intuitively, they didn't event recognize my presence when I came through the door.

I left my home, and went out and started using substances, to numb the pain, that infidelity had caused to form within the framework of what I thought was a pretty happy life. My marriage ended a year later, after a series of events transpired, that were set in motion a year prior.

I was blessed enough to have met my true love, in my last marriage, while I got to experience the worst of what a marriage can bring in my first experience, I got to experience the depth, and purity, of true unconditional love. My late wife told me on many occasions that she felt like her mission in this life was to save mine, and when her and I first met, I was in a very bad place, mentally. I was going through a divorce, and had lost my job, dropped out of school, and was living in my mothers basement. I was using substances, and I was addicted to opiates. JoAnn( My Late Wife) was at the end stages of a successful drug treatment program, and was also going through a divorce with a man, who was severely abusive, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

We became best friends, very quickly, at first we were actually both dating the same girl, JoAnns marriage left her psychological state shattered, in many ways, and one of those ways, was being scared of men, having the natural assumption at that point, that all men were the same, until she met me. I am not a perfect man, by any means, but one thing I will say I do not take lightly, are the concerns, and emotions of others. My wife needed emotional healing, and guidance, finding her way back to a world that contained hope, and the possibility of a bright future, and I need her, in a way I didn't even realize up until that point. JoAnn showed me loyalty, she showed me compassion, honesty, trust, faithfulness, patience, understanding, love, authenticity, and she never lost faith in me, even when everyone else did.

I have learned that the true value of anything in this life, lies in the moment. Taking the time, to sit, and allow your conscious awareness, to slowly expand, flowing outwards, from sensing the sensations and electrical impulses in your body, to the flowing of air going into your lungs, the subtle state of serenity that takes place, when your are presently centered in right now, allowing the moments state of quality to overwhelm your senses, bringing about a state of perception, that allows you to see that it's not how many moments we have in this life, but how we spend them, and who we spend them with, that truly matters.

A marriage is a creation of god, that is intended to strengthen the resolve, both spiritually, and physically, of each party, as well as allowing independent thought to be shared amongst one another in a way that allows the information to be understood cohesively, a union of the divine masculine and the divine feminine.

Marriage Builds You Up, If It Is Breaking You Down,Assess and Evaluate Why.

Brightest Blessings.