Puppy Love Lane

"The toughest part of letting go is realizing that the other person already did." At least that's what a meme from Google says. At 20, I think the most challenging part is realizing that you've wasted your time and energy with no payoff. Today Metro campus was closed due to the snowstorm, and there's nothing to do at home but think. Bored, alone with my thoughts and staring in a daze at the fresh snow on my walkway. Earlier today, I went through an old high school memory box and discovered a perfume bottle. I can't help repeatedly smelling this perfume. This is where the thoughts of my exes popped into my head. The fruity-floral of cherry blossom and peaches brings nostalgia to the front of the line. Where did it start? Where was my life headed? What was I going to do after graduation? Opening this perfume bottle and smelling strong memories feels different on a day like this. While sitting on the beige window seal, I am overwhelmed by the flood of memories that make my head spin. I start to lean my head back against the wall, close my eyes and take a deep breath. There's nothing left to do on a snow day other than to walk down memory lane.

Cold auburn falls and snowy opaque winters. This smell brings me back to laughter and good times at my old house in Bellewood drive. This was my first time living in a big house. Growing up, my parents had my siblings, and I live in apartments, and there wasn't much room. The apartments growing up were 2 bedrooms, and the bedrooms were small. That's all my parents could afford at the time, and we had rough times. Both of my parents combined had a low income and mouths to feed. However, once both of them were promoted at their jobs, they were able to surprise us with this house. New life, different school, and new friends to laugh with.

Along with those waves of laughter and new moments came a boy named Teri. Teri was a good boyfriend when I was finishing up my Senior year in High School. We were the number one couple, and everyone adored us. He would write me letters before third period, and I would blush reading them. He would walk me to my class and then to my locker. We couldn't get enough of each other. 2 years later, I realize that it was past, innocent, naive love.

I remember there were days when I would walk to Terri's house in the cold to see him. I didn't mind walking in this weather since Colorado is known for its snow. Born and raised here, so I'm used to it. The snow would crumble underneath my pink Uggs, and the tip of my nose felt like an icicle. The walk wasn't too bad since he lived a half-mile away from my house. The thought of him was rewarding, and the emotions we had for each other were endearing. Our being together made my life have brighter days, and we were in love. It was beautiful until it wasn't, and it didn't take long for me to realize this. From college talks to commitment issues, we started to grow apart. Then there was distance, and I could no longer see him on the horizon.

At the time, I couldn't understand why Teri would break the promises we made to each other. High school sweethearts going to college, graduate, and have kids to tell the tale. The dreadful line "we need to talk" made me nauseous because I expected to hear bad news. I was right, and after I heard it, I decided to soothe my heartbreak with butterscotch pudding and salty tears for months. How could he break up with me right after the Senior prom? The night was young, and I would've never foreseen it. The excuse was he wanted to focus on basketball and improve his craft. "You never know when a scout is looking," Teri says to me while shrugging with a wack ass smile. On top of that, it didn't make it any better that he moved on with my old rival Jade. I thought I had something when it came to him, but it looks like life had different plans.

As I started to open my eyes, I noticed that more snow had sprinkled from the sky. I wonder how many inches we are going to get since I can no longer see the walkway? The news said to expect 4 inches when it's all said and done, and the snow would let up after 4 days, but I guess not. I hope my history teacher pushes our exam back another week since I needed clarification on specific questions. If she can't move it around, then I am confident I can get a B- minimum. As I start to go downstairs towards the kitchen to make a PB&J sandwich, I started dancing to a familiar tune from the TV. I realized it was "Promiscuous Girl" by Nelly Furtado. That was such a great song, especially during my Junior year. I remember it well because this was also the night I met Andrew.

"Mmmmmm," I say to myself while taking a big ass bite of my sandwich. Something about Goober's grape PB&J spread was hitting at the moment. To be honest, I think anything would've sufficed since I haven't eaten since last night. While bobbing my head and eating my sandwich, I start to think about Andrew. Sophomore year homecoming dance was the spot to be. This was the dance to be because everything popped off here. From breakups, meet-ups, newly made-up dances, and other spontaneous situations. The dance was so much fun that the people who didn't go wanted to confirm the crazy rumors that they heard. I can remember the lights, the music, and the mood. While I was singing with my hands up in the air, a deep voice creeps behind me. "Well wats sup' then?" Someone says while tapping me on my shoulder. I abruptly turned around, irritated since I was interrupted from my jam session. My feet were hurting in my 4-inch heels from dancing nonstop, But none of that mattered once I realized who it was. Plus, he dared to ask me for a dance.

Andrew was not an attractive boy to most, but to me, his personality made him cute. He stood at 6' 2", with round brown eyes, a crooked smile, and most times, he barely combed his hair. However, tonight he did and even wore something decent that matched. I even remember his cologne which was "Cool Water" by Davidoff. That was a classic smell in the '90s and '00s. It was also cheap and perfect for Andrew since he couldn't afford much working at Burger King. I remember looking up and down at his outfit and knew I had seen that outfit before. His older brother Greg who was a Senior, wore it 2 weeks ago. Their parents didn't have the best income, and there were also talks in the halls of their struggles. However, none of that mattered to me because Andrew was sweet.

We danced the night away, and months later, we were an item. We did the typical teenage stuff. Chaperoned dates, walks in the park, and I got to wear his letterman jacket since he was on the varsity football team. Andrew even bought me a colorful bear that he had made at Build-A-Bear Workshop. Along with the bear came a note explaining all the colors and what they meant to him. When I read it, my smile touched both of my ears, and my stomach would tingle. Everything was great, but seasons change just as much as people. Andrew called it off and said that he wasn't interested anymore. I never got a reason, but it didn't take long to figure it out once I saw him walking a random girl to class on top of canceling our Burger King dates every Friday.

A failed commitment with both Teri and Andrew has taught me a lesson. That nothing lasts forever. It's good to look back at the past because I miss my old acquaintances, but we all moved on to chase our own dreams. I loved them both in their own right. What can I say? I'm a sucker for love. The love is minuscule now since a lot of time has passed, but it was enough to make me wonder what they are doing from time to time. Sadly like every relationship I get into, I also remember the breakup between us. When it came to both of them, I was hurt for days, even though it felt like months. I learned a lesson which was love can break at any moment. Love is a powerful thing.

Heartbreak is also intense and can overpower love sometimes. It'll make your thoughts obscure, and there's a feeling of constantly falling into unknown territory. After the fall, your heart is shattered in a kaleidoscope pattern with no one to help you pick up the pieces. Once you pick up the pieces, you notice that everyone around you is still happy doing their own thing. Yes, you get the occasional "Are you ok"? But let's be honest, no one really cares. They're just here for the drama, and while broken, you foolishly let them in. Luckily for me, time heals. I do miss being in a relationship, even though it's probably better for me to be single so I can focus on my college studies. But I still think about warm nights on the phone with someone you care about. All of the smiles of unforgettable phone calls, sneaking out of the house on warm nights, and sappy love songs you dedicate to each other. These are the little things that make relationships exciting. Even though both had dramatic endings, I will always cherish the small stuff that creates a lifetime of memories.

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