Probationary Marriage  -  The Certainty of a Happy Marriage?

Probation - modern expression, without the negative connotation of "cohabitation" and yet without the official involvement of "consensual union". I think that each of us imagines at least in general what a trial marriage means. In practice, however, things are not always the same.

Most women, including me, saw probation as a period of cohabitation before marriage. A not very long period in which we try to realize it together with our partner we manage to maintain a harmonious life in 2, accepting our defects, which theoretically we will have to endure all our lives.

We need someone to consult with, a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand around the house. But can't a roommate do all this?

It seems not. Most girls think that sooner or later, envy, gossip, quarrels between 2 or more roommates. Conflicts deepen, while reconciliation with her boyfriend is sweet … It seems that many girls replace their best friend with their boyfriend.

Why "probationary marriage"?

Why do most couples choose probation? Because he "behaves"? Because everyone does it? Or is it just an excuse to enjoy the benefits of marriage without any disadvantages?

]The girls have an answer again: "We rarely saw each other and so we decided to move in together" or "I don't like it and I can't afford to live alone. What better roommate than my boyfriend?"

 Another reason why we choose probationary marriage is age. You are too young to get married but mature enough or ready to live with your loved one.

In many couples, the lack of "paper from the town hall" can keep the fire of passion burning.

The fact that it is not yet your official motivates you to regain it permanently. On the other hand, there are couples where the routine is installed during the cohabitation period.

The partners see each other in the morning, in the evening, on the weekend, they share the same bed, the same wardrobe… almost nothing is a secret for them anymore. The feeling of longing no longer appears and the mystery has been running away for a long time.

There is a social and official reason, which is important, for which the probationary marriage is preferred, namely: the failure of the relationship leads to separation and not to divorce.

Emotionally, it is the same thing, because separation after a long cohabitation is felt the same as divorce. The social implications are different. A breakup in an unofficial relationship is not given much importance, acquaintances feel sorry for you for a while, then forget.

With a divorce, things are completely different. In addition to the insanity with the documents, the court, and the sharing, you get "packaged" the status of a divorced woman, who is only not flattering but can also bring problems in social and even professional life.

Negative consequences of cohabitation

In the last 50 years, many couples around the world have chosen cohabitation, rather than marital engagement. 60% of couples live together before they get married, and many others live together for the rest of their lives. The cohabitation rate is even higher among the divorced.

Involvement in a new relationship after a romantic failure is very welcome for men, but much less desired by a woman, just as cohabitation is a handy alternative for men, while women want the stability of marriage.

Studies have shown that people who choose probation before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who have not lived together before.

 Moreover, in couples who choose probationary marriage, communication during the actual marriage is often down to earth. Why? Because routine intervenes and there is no mystery.

Even more serious is the fact that physical violence is more common among married people after a period of cohabitation.

The 3 theories of "cohabitation"

1. The theory of experience

Many experts believe that although "probationary marriage" or "cohabitation" helps you gain a different kind of life experience, it also leads to a darker vision of your future as a married person and parent.

Living in an almost married couple formula makes much less interested in marriage itself and in conceiving a child.

On the other hand, there are many people but also specialists who consider that a "trial marriage" helps you to have a more relaxed attitude and a clearer thinking about your relationship, because it works on the principle, if it does not work, I can leave the relationship at any time. "

The problem arises during the marriage when these types of thinking do not change and thus, it is much easier to decide to divorce.

2. The theory of selectivity

Other experts believe that the experience of cohabitation is not to blame for the difficulties of long-term relationships, but the state of affairs induced by this period, which already includes them in the category of those at risk of divorce and unsuccessful marriages (selectivity theory).

Several studies show that there is a difference between the profile of those who live together before marriage and those who choose to live separately.

3. The theory of inertia

The third theory of "test marriage", the theory of inertia, simplifies the problem. According to the theory of inertia, the external pressure on a long-term couple begins to decrease when the couple moves together.

The two move in together, buy a house, take a puppy, spend less time with friends and more time in each other's company, and may even declare each other to be the main beneficiary of personal gain. All these situations increase the chances that the two will stay together.

Few admit that it is difficult to end a relationship with someone when you share a house, other types of possessions, even friends.