Does Communication Bring Harmony to the Couple?

"Couple communication" - this is a word game that raises a lot of eyebrows! The most common advice given when you are in a relationship is to "communicate with your partner."

But what does that mean? Communicate anything with your boyfriend, let him know everything that is bothering us, bombard him with questions, in the idea of ​​a "healthy" relationship? What does couple communication mean and most importantly, is it effective every time?

We communicated and we argued!

Many couples abuse this notion, this cure, coming from mothers, sisters, friends … and, let's not forget, from the famous psychology books of the couple.

The key to a happy relationship is to communicate openly! In theory, it sounds logical, we are tempted to take the advice as a guarantee of harmony in the couple.

But, practically, the attempt to communicate, often, does not lead to the couple's peace, but even to bursts of screams and reproaches. You see, the advice is incomplete. Before we can communicate freely, we need to understand how.

Not every word in the idea of ​​"sharing what bothers us" means effective communication.

Here are some commonplace situations in which communication channels, although used … are clogged! How many times have you tried to tell your boyfriend something important, and he ignored you or cut you off with another piece of news about him?

How many times have you caught his eye with something, and he took it as a reproach and you argued? How many times has he interpreted your questions as a form of control?

And in all cases, you thought you were trying to communicate openly with your partner for the sake of the relationship … The finality of the situations listed, however, shows us the opposite

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus "(John Gray)," Men are heading east. Women turn to the right "(Sabra E Brock) are suggestive book titles! They teach us that women and men are not made of the same dough. We have different ways of thinking, of expressing ourselves.

And if we take into account the fact that each person is unique, it is clear that a simple "open communication with the partner" will not bring harmony in a relationship in which you are two different entities. "

Communication is the means, not the solution!

I would say that open communication with the partner is rather the consequence (not the cause!) Of a harmonious relationship. When you and your partner are on a pink cloud, there is no misunderstanding between you, effective communication comes naturally.

If you two do not have a solid foundation, a harmony of the couple, sincere feelings, open communication will not fix something already broken. You will tell me that to have all these things you have to communicate…

But I believe that a simple communication, a sincere statement of what we feel, will not heal a heart that is no longer in that relationship.

Communicating with your partner when there are problems will help you find that problem (in the happiest case), but solving it depends on other issues. Many confessed problems remain unresolved, simply acknowledging them is not enough (as we expected), and here the advice to "communicate openly for a perfect relationship" becomes incomplete!

The key to solving problems lies in the intensity of your feelings, the power of compromise, and tolerance. So, communication helps you find the wound, it's up to you how you bandage it.

Tips on communication in a couple should not be about the number of words, but their quality. Instead of thinking about how much to express (possibly everything, for a moment), focus on how you express and when. In the above inefficient communication situations, the unfortunate end is related to these aspects:

If, for example, it seems to you that your boyfriend does not listen to you or puts more emphasis on him, it means that he is going through a difficult period, and you cannot catch his attention until you find out what is wrong with him. In other words, you caught him at a "bad time" when trying to communicate as a couple is not beneficial.

When you say something "bad" to him, you point out that he was wrong (because we are taught not to keep everything to ourselves because we will "go out") be very careful how you do it and if it is necessary to do it. Nobody likes to be criticized, not even for the sake of a beneficial conversation for the relationship.

Another situation where "diplomacy" is more appreciated than "verbal debit" is the one in which you want to know what he did that day, what he ate at lunch when he comes home…

If you call him over the phone and ask him questions about every second spent without you, I assure you that he will not see your gestures as a form of beneficial communication in the couple.

Do you know the saying "Sweet talk brings a lot"? So it is with the already famous communication in the couple. Find the right times to tactfully say what you want.

Be honest and confess when something doesn't suit you, but don't be hostile and don't act impulsively (many words turn into regrets). Remember that tone also matters. A friendly tone will sell you the message, no matter what it is!