Practicing Mindfulness for Better Relationships

Your body is in the present; but how about your heart and mind?

Picture this: You’re on a date with your girlfriend. Though she’s beside you, it seems you’ve forgotten about her existence. Instead of paying attention to her, your mind is preoccupied with something else -- work problems, family issues, or a sports replay you saw on ESPN.

In other words, you’re not in the moment. You’re distracted and disconnected. That’s not going to help you build a stronger connection with your partner. In fact, it does the opposite.

If you want your girlfriend to feel loved and desired, you need to work on being mindful.

What is “mindfulness” in relationships?

It means paying attention to the present moment with purpose and without judgment. It’s awareness of your words, thoughts, bodily sensations, and behavior towards others and yourself.

Illustration:

Your girlfriend calls you from work. She sounds irritated, cold, and controlling. She didn’t even say hello. Instead, she directly proceeded to demand that you go to the store and buy groceries for tonight’s dinner.

You have the choice to react in two different ways:

• You react emotionally. You shout back at her out of anger while furiously explaining that you’re also tired from work. You don’t pause to think about how your response will benefit the situation. This leads to a bigger fight that could have been prevented at the onset.
• You react with mindfulness. You pause to acknowledge your emotions. Let yourself feel the sensation of anger build up inside you. You take a few deep breaths, then, you take back control of your mind.

With a loving tone, you ask your partner if there’s something bothering her. She explains that work has been too stressful lately. She proceeds to apologize for coming home late every day this week. You tell her that you understand. You both agree to order take-out tonight so none of you have to worry about cooking dinner. Your conversation ends on a good note.

See the difference? Being mindful of your emotions, choice of words, and behavior will have a positive effect on your relationship.

Mindfulness helps create healthy relationships.

According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Human Sciences and Extension, mindfulness in relationships has the power to create stronger and longer-lasting romantic connections.

Couples who practice mindfulness together tend to become more open, compassionate, grateful, accepting, and kind towards each other.

This is because mindfulness increases a person’s well-being.

When you practice mindfulness in all your interactions, you’ll develop a higher level of empathy, a better sense of control over your emotions, and a healthier response to stress. Consequently, this allows you to foster better, happier, and longer-lasting relationships.

How do you practice mindfulness in relationships?

By picking up the following healthy relationship habits.

1. Pay attention.

When you’re with your partner, you should put down your phone, turn off the TV, and remove all unnecessary distractions. Place your full attention on her. Take notice of her body language, her facial expressions, and her tone of voice.

Observe and pick up subtle cues that tell you if the words she speaks are in line with her thoughts and feelings. When you feel that something is off, you communicate.

2. Communicate.

Encourage each other to have free and open dialogs regularly.

Communicating helps clear out any doubts in the relationship. It reassures and reinforces your feelings for one another. It’s the key to helping couples be in tune with each other.

If you see subtle signs of distress, don’t ignore them. Talk to her and ask her about her day. Find out if something is bothering her. Let her talk it out. When she does start to talk, you should listen.

3. Listen deeply.

Don’t just hear words, but listen to her with attention to her choice of words and body signals. When you’re listening instead of hearing, it shows respect, appreciation, and care towards the person speaking.

Remember to focus on the conversation. Some people often make the mistake of letting their minds wander off while someone is talking to them. If that happens, don’t be embarrassed to admit you didn’t listen. It’s not because you have bad listening skills, you just have trouble paying attention. If that is the case, be sure to make eye contact when someone is talking to you.

4. Make eye contact.

Look your partner in the eye as she’s talking to you. This allows you to better focus on her and on your conversation. It also shows that she has your full attention.

5. Speak mindfully.

Before opening your mouth and spewing the first thing that comes to mind, take a pause to collect yourself. Keep your thoughts and emotions in check. This will prevent you from blurting out words that contribute nothing to the conversation, or worse, words you’ll regret saying.

Only give a response when you’re calm and in control of your emotions. This way, you can form a loving, compassionate, and respectful reply.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that you don’t always have to have an opinion on a matter. Sometimes, silence is the best and more appropriate response.

6. Show compassion.

Choose to always be kind towards your partner. Try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective so you’ll be able to understand why she’s feeling or acting a certain way. Use these two powerful words, “I understand.”

7. Appreciate.

Show gratitude. Tell her you’re thankful that she’s opening up to you. Tell her that you appreciate her honesty and vulnerability.

8. Embrace.

You can communicate all the truth you want, but be sure to end every heavy conversation with a proper and loving embrace. Remember, you don’t have to solve all your problems in the course of one day. However, it’s nice to start a new day from a place of love and peace.

While the above-mentioned may sound simple, putting them into action can be a challenge for most people. We suggest slowly incorporating it into your daily life for a more seamless transition.

Deepen Your Connection

If you want fewer fights and more love in your relationship, then practice mindfulness. It helps you improve your capacity to forgive, and it teaches you to be more grateful for your partner’s existence.