Pilgrimage Hitting Hard

Walking through the Thick Mist of Suffering and Misery, You Look for Some Kinda Distractions that Lend You a Hand to Look away into Thinking,

“Hey, Life isn’t So Bad.” when You got Good People to Hangout with, Decent Meal to Eat, Place to Sleep and your Phone to Look at…

And the Next Thing You Know, the People who were your daily Oasis are to vanish one-by-one as they start working Day Jobs and You’re Left Behind all by Yourself. Even the Food, which was Decent, has Started to Taste Disgusting and when You Lay down to Rest, your Mind just won’t Stop Brewing up Weird Harmful Shit to Think about, so You start watching Some Movie on Your Phone to Distract Yourself…

You see the Protagonist, His Life isn’t going Good, He Lost his most Precious Person and doesn’t Feel like Living anymore so He just Wanders Around, looking for a Place to Die…You Start to Relate to Him and just when You start to Feel a little less Lonely, another Scene comes up where his Friends show up outta Nowhere and Drag him with them and Weird things keep happening , they get in Some Trouble but they’re Together, through ups and downs, the Protagonist a Reason to Live as things, Miraculously, keep Falling into Places one after another…Sounds Nice…

INSTEAD

It has the Opposite Effect on You, while just Relating and finding Hope, You get Mad about why it’s happening for You as Quickly and Miraculously as That, Unreasonably Expecting your Friends and Peers to just Pop up and Get You out of This Hopeless Situation, knowing They’re also Struggling to Barely make end Meets in their Lives.

Time in the Real World seem to move Real Slow, You don’t feel your opportunity, your Miracle is ever gonna come, You can’t do anything but Sit there and feel HELPLESS and WORTHLESS as You can’t even wander Hopelessly as moving around takes Real Money so You’re just about those 4 same Blocks around the Shelter with Cold Weather and Snow Slowing your Life even More.

“Will I ever get out of this?”

“Am I really Same as the People here at the Shelter?”

“Did I just Fail at Life and just don’t wanna Admit it so I Keep saying that it’s part of My Plan and I can easily get out of Here whenever I want? ………. coz that sound just like the Addict Doing Crack in the Room.”

That Feeling of Your Life slipping through your Fingers, mixed with Fear, Paranoia and Anxiety Stir up Something Disturbingly Dark Inside the Pot, we ll call The Mind; with Spice of Human Urge to Control your Surroundings, with a Pinch of Lost Self-Esteem, and Thin Cut Self-Hate…

Sit and Let it Stir inside the POT until it starts to give off the Smell of Despair…then You ll know It’s Ready to Fuck Some Shit Up, Makes You wanna Pick a Fight with Anyone and just Break and Tear apart so that You can Regain Some Sense of Control.

THEN, SUDDENLY, A Fellow Homeless Person, passing by, Say to You, “Control Your Energy, You shouldn’t Do Bad to your Fellow Brothers and Sister. Always be a Good Person.”

Hearing it, Out of the Blue, helps You come back to Your Senses a little and Then You just Think to yourself how Weirdly Correct that was, and it keeps You Distracted for a While, as You Walk back to the Shelter…

You Walk in, Scan the Room, the Line to Sign in is So Fuckin Long, extending out of the hall, that You can’t even See the End of it. Another thing making this already Beauti-Fuckin-ful Day even Better…So you just stand in there, Lifeless, like Everyone Else Waiting for Your Turn at the Reception. It feels like Ages arriving there, then You say your Bunk Bed Number, ask for a Towel in a Low Polite Voice because any Small, even Unintentional Unnecessary Asking for Something Might get You Kicked out without any Chance to Explain Yourself, as Explaining looks like Talking Back.

Living Life at Rock Bottom is not the Worst that You also have to Bear with these Staff Members, in their Early 20s, Looking Down on Homeless People, getting Ego Boost by Intimidating the Helpless and keep your Mouth shut coz You don’t wanna be out in the Cold, makes You think You should have kept Your last Job coz You were getting same shit like that from Your superiors too, at least You were getting Paid for it.

You chew on that Bitter Gum for a Bit and make Your way to Your Room, open Your Numbered Locker in Your Allotted Room with 3 Other Roommates, hoping that No one is in the Room yet to get a Second to Clear Your Head but Life just Wouldn’t Let You…

So, You gotta make Small Talk coz You still Believe that You’re not an Asshole, and then the Conversation is going and THAT Frustration is Lookin for a Way out.

Trying to Avoid a Fight, You, without Noticing, start spilling the Blue Tar in front of Guy and then the term “Seeing a Therapist” comes Up, and He asks Me “Why don’t You try it once?”

The Food-for-Thought end up Distracting Me and Start to Think the WHY, eventually coming up with an Answer like, “it kinda feels like Cheating on a Test, where the Answers You Supposed to come up with by Yourself, some person just give it all to You, takes out all the Fun of Stumbling upon things that are Wrong with You that You never even Realized before…coz that Revelation feels kinda like Ectasy.

Then, the Guy shoots up a Question, “Would You rather find out quick, from someone, that You’re Girl is Cheating on You OR Find it Later by Yourself?”

I Said, “I’d Rather Find it Later, by Myself.” and He’s like “What? Why?”

and I was like, “It doesn’t Matter if I find it Early or Later, the Solution to that Problem is gonna be Same, so isn’t that Better to Find it a little Late, that will give Me More Time to be with the Woman I love and even tho it’s not True, I would still believing that Things are Good Between us.”

and He’s Like, “I wish I was that Positive.” he said Dumbfounded.

and Unexpectedly, That Cheered Me up, seeing How I Unique my Answer was and because of that I was able to let go of some weight I ve been carrying on my Shoulders, weight of Feeling Worthless.

Then, I Sat there on my Bed, and Thought how Universe works in Weird Ways putting a Stranger in Your Path, just to Cheer You up…even though Things were going all Bad, something end up going Good that Balanced it out and I got the Willpower to Wake up and Survive another Day…

AND I THINK THAT’S ALL IT IS THAT MATTERS WHEN YOU ARE HOMELESS.