Life at The Homeless Shelter

Before Arriving here at the Shelter, My Mind keep Revolving around all the Stereotypes about the Place where Homeless gather, I had seen this Place before, Once or Twice, while Passing Through, going to Some Bar on a Typical Weekend, totally Unaware One day I would be Coming here to Survive.

You know how when You’re in your Car, Standing at a Red Traffic Light and You see a Homeless Person standing there with a Empty Tim Hortons Cup, asking for a Change or Something, and You stop your Train of thoughts for a Second and Think about that Unfortunate Soul, trying to Imagine how they’re Surviving on the Streets, then You Search Your Car for Loose change, Drop that Change into their Cup and Hope that they Don’t use it to Buy Drugs.

So, If You wonder how that Standing-at-the-signal Person’s Day is gonna go is, roughly same Everyday as-:

They will be Returning to the Shelter they’re Living

Hangout with their Buddies there, asking around for a Smoke.

Buy a Coke and a Chocolate Bar with any Change they Got.

Then it’s What’s for Dinner at the Cafeteria?

Share Stories about their day with their Friends.

Go up to their Room with Bunk Beds, 4 Roommates smoking Crystal Meth Together, talking about how They can See Invisible People and How the government has given the Invisible technology to Cops who then Go Out and Put Crystal Meth in Homeless People’s Pockets, making them Addicted to it so that They can Control them. How they can Easily Stop whenever they want, it’s just Fun to do it Sometimes, even that Sometimes is Everytime.

One of the Person in that Room might try to Talk some Sense into the Guy who always brings the Crack in the Room, and Thing about CrackHead is they get Triggered really Easily as They’re suppressing a Lot of Stuff that they’re Trying to Push down further by getting Wasted on Meth all the Time. So, when That Lid Blows up, it’s Ugly, banging their own Head against Walls and Stuff, Swear-Screaming at the top of the Lungs, Moving Restlessly Around the room, and You’re Just their at the Upper Bunk Bed Playing Dead and Hoping THAT doesn’t Notice You and You’re waiting for this to be over, coz there’s nothing You can do about the Situation and Staff won’t be Much Help Either because You See, Personally, I feel There’s Nothing More Dangerous than A Person who has Nothing to Live for.

Then, You see a Chance as the Guy on Crack Run across the Hall, You Jump outta the Bed and Run Downstairs in the Reception/Sitting Area, try to Find a Familiar Face to talk and Calm down a little and Sit Down there among other Residents of that Place,

You see them Dancing around the Place, Some Talking to themselves, Some Passed out sitting on the Chair, Telling Stories that Doesn’t Make Sense and which are Obviously Not True; Scary Part being You can’t Even tell if they’re Saying all that Jokingly, just to Pass the Time or They actually Believe it because After a while, Listening to the Stories, it starts to feel FUN to be Included so Also Joke around with your own Nonsense,

You look at a Guy Doing a Harmless Weird Dance in the Corner, and You think to Yourself, “He seems to be having so much FUN doing that, I always wanted to dance like I don’t have any Care in the World and I think it’ll be okay if I do like that too coz it’s NORMAL here so No one will think I am Weird or som-

And then it Hits You, How that is Starting to Influence You, Dragging You in that Delusional Wonderland where, You act like a Crazy Person, you getting Free Ready made Food, a Roof over your head, people to hang out with, little Drugs here and there and the LIFE doesn’t seem Bad for Someone who Doesn’t wanna Work.

That HIT started a Domino Effect and I started to Recall things-:

How I ve been Hanging Out with people and telling them My Story of How I am only doing this for the Experience, to write about it, Homeless by choice or some shit and More with the This is Some kind of Test of Faith, Spiritually speaking.

and I ve Telling this to Every Staff Member I would Run into and Always FEEL Good when They would Acknowledge it, giving me Volatile Proof that I am Indeed Different than the Rest.

But, After a few Days, I noticed that Every Homeless Shelter follows the Protocol to acknowledge the Presence of these Less-fortunate and Humanize them Daily and it DEVASTATING to See Myself as Just another One of those Crazy one with a Crazier Story, took a Large Blow on My Self-Esteem.

The Very Self-Esteem I ve been keeping Intact the Very First day I became Homeless, where Not even Looking Homeless Bothered Me that much.

I Fell in This “I am Actually the Same as Rest” Rabbit Hole and as I kept falling, Thoughts would Erupt:

Am I also just making Excuses because I also don’t wanna work coz I ve been Unemployed for the Last 8 Months and have Came up with a Scenario where Me, not Working, makes Sense.

Maybe I am Angry at my Family for Putting all this Responsibilities and Obligations on Me, and this is just my Way of taking Revenge on Them.

Maybe I ve Been trying to be Strong, Self-Sufficient on my Own for So Long that I just Snapped and just Self-Sabotaging my Life so bad that I just wanna See how many People actually Care about Me.

Or Simply, I am Just Looking for a Place to DIE.

Then, Amidst All this Chaos, A Saw a Familiar Face in The Hall, He comes to Me and Says, “Let’s go for a Smoke.” So I went and Told Him about what I ve been thinking and he just said, “ Well Yeah, That’s the Thing You’re supposed to be careful about, to Not Go Crazy at This Place.”

After Letting it all out, I calmed down a little and thought, “it’s a Dream I ve been Following for as Long as I can Remember, and just Because My Situation looks Dire, right at this Moment, I just can’t Give up now, after coming this Far,

I don’t Need to Stress about What’s Real or Not, right now, It’s about Surviving and getting through the Day without losing my Sanity because As Long as I am of Sound Mind, where I can See what’s in front of Me and can Overcome that. I AM GOOD.

THIS SITUATION IS TEMPORARY.

MY OPPORTUNITY WILL PRESENT ITSELF, BECAUSE WHAT I DESERVE, CAN’T BE STOLEN FROM ME.

I AM SUPPOSED TO OVERCOME THIS ADVERSITY AND I WILL.