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Parental Relationships

by Cristina S 5 years ago in advice
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Are you in one?

If you have clicked this, then you're curious on what a "parental relationship" is and no, I am not talking about the kink.

A parental relationship is a relationship where the significant other takes on the role of a parent. You can easily spot this significant other because they are usually bossing around the other person, and I don't mean boss around like, "Hey, can you please pick me up some food on your way over?" I mean bossy as in, "Stop talking with so and so" or repeatedly makes comments on how provocative you look and need to change or forces you to stay in instead of having a guy’s/girl’s night.

Now to move on to why these relationships are bad. Well for starters, your significant other should always be there to support and guide you, not act like you're still living at home. Your significant other should have no say in how you decide to live your life. If your significant other is making your life choices, there is something wrong. Some of these can even lead to verbal abuse in the relationship, and this can also lead to miscommunication in the relationship.

Communication in a relationship is very important. If there is something going on in the relationship that the other sees and needs to be talked about, sometimes the boyfriend/girlfriend decides to stay quiet and when they speak up, it can lead to different meanings and come out as a bigger issue such as they want you to completely change your lifestyle (i.e., life goal, hobby, ambitions). This is often toxic and needs to be dealt with in a mature way and needs to be properly communicated (usually the person acting as the parent is very immature).

Now to the question everyone always seems to ask. "Is it okay for my boyfriend/girlfriend to decide who I speak to?" The answer to that is and always will be NO. If your boyfriend or girlfriend has a problem with you being best friends with Todd or Beth then you need to clear things up with them. Maybe have them speak with each other to make sure things are simply platonic. The usual go to move they always pull is, "It's not that I don't trust you." Because, honey, you don't trust them, and if you can't trust your boyfriend or girlfriend, then you shouldn't be with them because if you did than you wouldn't be pitching a fit over their Snapchat streaks or you are just immature and need to grow up and realize that there are other genders and you should have no say in who your significant other speaks to. If it's really that big of a deal to you, put on your big kid pants and go grab a coffee with them and see how it goes. Don't try and sabotage your boyfriend/girlfriend’s social life because you will not be the only boy/girl they want to speak to and I mean platonically. It is simply not that big of a deal that your girlfriend or boyfriend is speaking to another human being, it could be a coworker, it could be an old high school friend and the fact that he or she has mentioned that they are talking to them is an even bigger sign that nothing is going on, you are not their parent and you should not be meddling in their social life. It’s simply unnecessary.

Raise your hand if your guardian has ever picked out your outfit; majority of them have. My mom used to dress me in track pants and a striped shirt or jean skirt and red top from Walmart. Wouldn't it be lovely to date someone who could pick out your outfits to? Not really. Sure, opinions are nice, like if it makes you look fat or the color washes you out, but having them say "you look to indecent" and want you to wear an entire turtle neck on a night out? Not fun. So, word of advice, please just leave the dressing to us, it is our clothes and we don't want our significant other bashing us for our attire. If we want to look sexy or hot, it is intentional and we are just really liking the outfit, we bought it for a reason. This goes back to trust, the usual move for this is "it's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust whoever is seeing you in that." Again, you don't trust them; if you did, you would trust that they wouldn't let anyone go near them in that. You should always be able to trust the one you are with, if you don’t trust them, then you shouldn’t be with them.

There are many more aspects to a parental relationship, these are just some major points. I wrote this as my first piece because I see it a lot and have witnessed many friendships being ruined because of significant others acting this way, you shouldn’t have to throw out that cute red dress or stop talking to your best girl/guy friend because your significant other "doesn’t trust them" because they really don’t trust you, no matter how many times they pull the "I trust you but..." card it will always be the same, them bossing you around. In some bad cases, it could even accelerate to a verbally abusive relationship, once they realize they can convince you to do anything they will eventually manipulate you into anything.

Being with someone is being able to love them for who they are and being able to trust them going to grab a coffee with an old friend or going out with the girls or guys in their best outfit. If there is no trust then there is no love and if there is no love then there is no relationship. So, next time you go through your girl’s or guy’s phone, remember that what you are doing should be with probable cause and not just because "you want to make sure." Remember, next time you notice the signs of a parental relationship, you need to put the brakes on it, sit down with the person and discuss trust and the things that may be bugging both of you, sure it may not end in a good way or it may end perfectly but the thing that matters most is that you tried and it is for the best, because dating someone who is acting like your parent is not what you wanted.

advice

About the author

Cristina S

Aspiring writer and Journalist | Ontario

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