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Outgrowing Friends

by MissJ1genz about a year ago in friendship
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Letting go is hard but hanging on is crippling.

I am almost 21 years old and have had the same main group of friends since 2016. Although we have gone to different colleges and chosen different paths job or career wise we all still remained close.

However, over the last two years I noticed that I didn't have the same priorities, things in common or ability to relate as some of them. This was mainly down to our difference in MINDSET.

I have a friend who is very much like me as we went down the same route of getting apprenticeships in our desired fields straight out of college, wanted to work hard and hated the idea of being dependant on another person financially. We are prioritising saving money to move out and climbing up in our jobs. Therefore the above paragraph is not about her.

But there are others who are still caught up in the hype of having a sugar daddy boyfriend and whilst there's nothing wrong with that, it is distasteful to me when you say that your grinding and an independent woman when your entire lifestyle is dependant on your man.

Not only this but they still have a childish mindset and an example of this is that they still rile up if they think another girl on the street gave them a weird look.


Why you care?

It got to a point where we had basically nothing in common anymore and the only thing she spoke to me about was problems. So although we had been friends for a long time, since 2011, I had to detach myself from her because I could see that it was no longer a healthy mutually beneficial friendship.

Whilst that was a natural, non toxic example of letting go of friends, the next is quite the opposite.

The final straw that ended in me cutting off a bunch of old friends simultaneously happened a few months ago.

I was at an all girl house party and we had some drinks, we did some snaps, some instas and we were all having fun. Then a mutual friend that almost all of us knew came up in conversation and concerns for them were raised. Of course I did chime in and some things that were said by the girls were jokey and the entire convo lasted no more than 3 mins tops.

I didn't really think about that conversation anymore and it was pretty much forgotten about, at least by me, the day after. So imagine my surprise when I get a lengthy THREATENING voice note from the friend that was briefly discussed.

I will save the explicit details but they basically said they were going to massively beat me up for talking about them and apparently they were told that I was the ONLY ONE talking about them.

Naturally, I'm confused and tried to recall the conversation, then I get mad because this means that one of the girls reported back to him and just placed the blame solely on me. Then I'm dumbfounded that this person, another 20 year old, was getting so irate and going so far because someone said that I said something about him. Thought I'd left that sh*t back in secondary school, but that's just me.

So when I confronted the girls that were there, pure denial all the way around. When I was trying to figure out why someone would do this, the only explanation I could think of was that they thought I or someone else was going to snitch to the friend and wanted to get the jump on it. Now I was only close with 2 of the 7 girls that were there so I'm guessing the rat was one of the other 5 who don't know who I am. Because if they did they would know I don't do drama or gossip or back stabbing.

Anyway, since I couldn't find the grass, I just cut off all of them. THIS IS WHY I DON'T HAVE MANY FEMALE FRIENDS!!

I managed to get the threatening person to cool down and see sense but it goes without saying that they were cut off as well. The moral of the story is keep friends with the same mindset and never give second chances when you are done dirty. Even to this day I don't know who set me up but I wasn't going to take the chance of something else happening by continuing my friendship with any of them.

Sometimes I get a little sad when I reflect on the fun times I had with those I am no longer friends with but as the subtitle says, letting go is hard but hanging on in crippling.


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