"Operation Parenthood"

Autism? The words Dr. Cormier told me, made the room and every sound in it sound like white noise. Everything made sense finally. My son Gatsby was 3 years old when he got diagnosed. Granted he was still the same kid that I went into the office with, but I was silently grieving and terrified of the unknowns that would become my new normal.

I credit my time in the Navy as a Hospital Corpsman to be able to quickly identify the traits, and know when to seek help. I had done a huge pediatrics rotation in Port Hueneme, CA. I remember as a Corpsman having to give out forms to the many families who would be in the lobby waiting. Checking for milestones, and making sure the wickets were hit. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was seemingly on replay- and the “Hot Dog” song would get stuck in your head so bad you would be singing it in your sleep.

Every time a form was filled out- I would often times be in the room with the providers and they would say, if your kiddo wasn’t talking by 3 then you need to send them to speech pathology. Gatsby was showing enough milestone delays that I knew something was off. He wouldn’t make eye contact, he wasn’t talking, he seemed like he was in his own world, he had sensory issues. However, my ex was the skeptic and made it seem like all his issues were behavioral. Whenever I finally had it on paper that he was on the spectrum I immediately knew I was in for a whirl wind of lows, highs, and everything in between.

My world got swept into in-home therapists for occupational, speech, and ABA therapy. I completely felt like I was alone, and even worse my ex started cheating on me right after I found out I was pregnant with my second child. Later Albus would be diagnosed with level 3 autism, meaning he was even more severe than Gatsby. I was stuck in a situation that I didn’t know what to do. Eventually, I decided to file for divorce in 2020 during the height of the pandemic. By this point I had been out of the military for 2 years, and I was single handedly parenting 2 boys with autism on my own.

I had no family help. Literally just free balling it. Most people would’ve caved. I mean genuinely would’ve said- nope not doing this today- crawled back into bed and went to sleep. But the military I think genuinely prepared me more for civilian life than it did when I was on active duty. My medical knowledge came in handy but so did my drive and ability to perform under pressure all because the military forced me to be that way. I was trained to be a sailor, to be detailed oriented, and to put others before myself. Love others with compassion in which you may not understand.

I run my house like a military base now, and I feel like it’s the only way I know how to live. I am the CO of my own military operation. I handle all the logistics of schedules, appointments, and movements of daily activities. I field day my house regularly from the little men who are constant tornadoes and destroy stuff. I have to be detail oriented and creative to come up with solutions for security because Albus constantly tries to escape and keep me on my toes. I keep them in check, and it’s a constant high-pressure situation. There’s no down time, no leave. It’s just me at war with the world constantly trying to get people to understand when I know the reality is they never will. I honestly feel like there’s no way I could do this if I hadn’t gone to the military. Doing the single parent thing, and while I had some ups and downs like anyone does on active duty I felt extreme gratitude. I came into the military needing it more than it needed me. I was a foster kid, living on the street, and now I am a full-blown adult with a mortgage payment. It’s funny how the world will put you on your knees and help you see the beauty in those darker moments.

We are making the most out of each moment every day, and I have learned to embrace the beauty of smaller things. The boys- they are my pack. They are the definition of pure love even if they may show it differently, but no matter what comes my way I know my military training will set me into high gear to be able to manage whatever issues may come my way. Failure is not an option, if I fail the whole ship goes down with me. So when I get asked, because I always do, how I keep going? My answer is always simple.

You can thank the Navy.