Open that door and walk through it

Sometimes my only relief when I feel anxious and unsure is to redirect my thoughts like a guillotine. As a woman, I never disregard my gut feelings but sometimes it needs to shut the hell up.  I’ve lived a long time, I’ve failed at many things, and for most of it, it was self-inflicted with a spiral of negative thoughts that led to bad reactions. I choose to be confident, know my value, and find a positive outcome to all that worries me.  Some may say it’s burying my head in the sand – No!  I am going to master getting control, changing this day, and seeing how amazing I am.

What if I received an amazing gift today?  What if I closed my eyes and envisioned all my passions and dreams coming to fruition? What separates me from anyone else who is happy?  Nothing! Happiness comes from work, it does not land on our laps – well, maybe sometimes but that happens from a preexisting trail of sweat and tears.  Guess what, I know I deserve complete love, happiness, and peace!  Before, I said the words and hoped for the best.  The years tacked on to my life have brought about less neediness and a more self-assured realization in who I am.

Sometimes it’s ok to acknowledge your triumphs – it’s not narcissistic behavior, it’s having the grace to love yourself.  Maybe at this point in your life, you need a little extra help dredging through the mud of past trauma – that’s ok!  I am a strong woman; I am someone who needs to feel loved even when I don’t say it. Maybe that is a character flaw or a coping skill to protect my heart – either way, I need to be hugged and cherished when my outer appearance shuts down.

It would be easy to point out my flaws, to allow my negative traits to take the forefront.  I am going to do something uncharacteristic of myself and shout from the rooftops all my positive attributes.  The first half of my life I dedicated to ripping myself apart, dwelling on what I don’t have, and feeling unloved – NOT TODAY!  This way of thinking didn’t work for my previous life so why continue to think the same?  It would be like beating my head against the wall and expecting a different outcome.  I cared too much about what others thought of me and lived more for their approval.  Why? Did pleasing them make me happier?  Hell no!

So, guess what?  I’m ok.  I am finally seeing the layers of protective walls around me come down.  I am seeing my passions come to life, and I am believing in my drive to be happy and healthy kick ass!  I am a warrior, I am a giver, I am a woman with creative talents – and I am finally living!

So why today?  Why not?  I am tired of feeling sad inside, I am tired of feeling abandoned, I am tired of feeling less than – it’s enough!  Manifestation is a funky word.  To some, it feels hokey, to some it takes away the religious element, but to me, it feels like total empowerment.  You are what you say.  You bring to your inner circle what you think about and what you give off.  It’s not about saying a ritual of words until it comes to life – it’s about BEING and KNOWING that you will not stop running towards your desires until they are tangible.  Manifestation is about the work because you will get knocked down repeatedly in life and you NEED the guts to keep moving forward. 

This morning my world felt small, it felt sad and scary – I felt alone.  This afternoon, my circumstances appear to be the same, but my heart and mind have a beautiful outcome in store for me.  I have goals, I have aspirations, and I am doing the work to become the individual I envision in my mind because I deserve a wonderful life.  Maybe I need to say that over and over to believe it in my soul.  I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, some people will not like me, or understand me – that is not who I am living my life for.

I need to tell myself how proud I am of the strides I made today, the current I swam through of self-doubt, and allow my inner peace to take control.  I am finishing my day on a day of mental accomplishment because in days, years, and moments prior I would have walked away from this day with tears and fear.

I am sure that other people need to hear this – take it as a sign, that life is about to open a miraculous door for you – It may look scary, and it may present in a way that shakes you to the core. 

Open that door and walk through it. Life owes you nothing, but you owe yourself everything!