Not Coming Soon!

I rarely post on social media, but in the Spring of 2022, I was moving quickly through the writing of a non-fiction book on love and relationships. I had so much to share with the world about what I had learned and I felt inspired and motivated to put myself out there. I announced that I would self-publish my book: Coming Summer 2022! I declared proudly. And I worked on it, I wrote diligently and consistently.

Time passed.

I couldn't make it happen.

It wasn't because I lacked discipline or desire. I did a lot of writing. I just couldn't put all the pieces together in the way that I wanted. For months, I struggled.

This shouldn't be so hard.

But it was. It was hard and I felt stuck.

In the Fall of 2022, I set the book aside. All I could determine was that it wasn't ready ... or maybe I wasn't ready. Something was off. So I worked on other things. I started a novel that has been flowing so freely. I remembered how much I loved writing fiction.

People asked me about the book and all I could say was "I set it aside for now." I hoped I would go back to it. It felt important. It still feels important.

Then, I realized something.

The problem isn't the book, the content, or even me.

In fact, what I realized is that non-fiction confines me in ways I despise.

I pulled this definition from Wikipedia. "Non-fiction is any document or media content that attempts, in good faith, to convey information only about the real world, rather than being grounded in imagination. Non-fiction typically aims to present topics objectively based on historical, scientific, and empirical information."

Not grounded in imagination?!? That's it. That's the key phrase that has kept me stuck. To write a book about love and relationships that isn't based on imagination is to go against my very nature. Imagination is where my journey towards love began. It was only through the use of and exploration of my imagination that I was able to discover what love actually is.

The "real world" doesn't know love. It wants to. It tries to. But love ... actual love ... is discovered outside of reality, in imagination. Fiction gives me a place to pursue ideas and concepts birthed in my imagination. In fiction, I can hunt for truth. I can create a new version of reality and from that place, examine and explore how love actually functions.

Don't get me wrong - I have a huge value for non-fiction books. I read a lot of them! Many non-fiction writers do a lot of research and study about their topic — the books they write are necessary and helpful.

That's just not the type of book I want to write ... right now.

I long to share my ideas and thoughts about what love is and how to follow it into dangerous places. I desire to create possibility and expansion for people and help them to begin the journey for themselves.

I have a lot of theories. But my theories have no scientific data or experts to cite. My theories are based on my own experiences and follow the path of "what if?". My theories allow for something new ... and different ... and exciting. I don't want to tell someone what love is, I want to invite them to find it for themself.

So for now, my non-fiction book on love and relationship will remain unfinished and unpublished.

I have, however, decided to start posting pieces and parts of what I've written online. Ultimately, the book isn't what's important to me, it's sharing my thoughts, ideas, and theories with others that motivates me to write about love.

Maybe someday it will find its way into book form — I still have hope for that. To all of you that have followed up with me and asked "Where is it?" Thank you! It has inspired me greatly to have people hold me accountable even as part of me felt like I had failed here.

But love has taught me that letting go isn't failure, it's growth. It's expansion. And it's not coming soon, it's already here.

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