Never Ask A Couple

There are probably a few things you should never ask a couple but one in particular springs to mind.

Having been married for a few years now, I've come to learn that its one of the most asked questions whenever two people decide to tie the knot. And it doesn't go away with the age of a marriage. In fact, the more time passes, the more it seems to be asked.

That question is: when are you going to have kids?

For some couples, this is a question that can be brushed off pretty easily but the older I get, the more I realise, its a question that shouldn't be asked at all.

Not only is it nobody else's business when someone decides to have a baby but this question can also be something akin to a knife to the heart. I have felt the twist of that knife for myself and the pain doesn’t get any easier with time.

Shortly after my own wedding, I was asked this very question and my answer was always the same, "As soon as possible". But what people didn't know was that my husband and I had already been trying for several months to conceive without any signs of success. Having to grit my teeth and smile through it was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

The months dragged on and still, I was being asked the same questions. When are you planning on having a baby? Are you trying yet? Will we hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet in the Fox household soon?

But to our dismay, nothing was happening and the questions became more and more frustrating. I couldn't exactly turn around and say, no, would everyone stop asking? It's just not proper.

But what many people don't know is that 48 million couples and 1.8 million individuals worldwide struggle with fertility problems and many of them will never be lucky enough to put an end to these questions by giving people what they are always asking about. Sure, there are other options like surrogacy and adoption, but things like that only seem to follow with yet more questions.

My own grandma was one of the people to ask such questions and being that she was family I felt that I could open up to her. I told her that we’d been trying for a good few months. She was horrified at this because we’d only just gotten married (my grandma is very traditional) and she even went as far as to say that we must be doing something wrong.

My mother was also joyous in telling me that she had conceived both me and my brother on the same month they began trying: yet another stab to the heart.

In the end, my husband and I were the lucky ones. Three months after our marriage we were lucky enough to find out that we were pregnant!

Now, almost two years after welcoming our beautiful little girl into the world, the questions have begun again. When are we going to be giving her a little brother or sister? Are we going to try for another baby? Do we want to have more than one? How many children do we want to have?

Again, what they don't know is that we have never stopped trying and since we have had our first child we have been trying unsuccessfully for baby number 2.

We've constantly been told that the second one comes along a lot easier but so far that has turned out to be untrue. 20 months of trying and so far all we have received is heartache.

So the next time you get the urge to ask that one, oh so innocent question, please just stop and think. You may well be doing more harm than good.