Name That Shame

Smart. Crazy. Hero. Fool. Racist. Prodigy. Dumbass. Provider. Rebel. Enabler. Conservative. Alcoholic.

All examples of labels we give to each other and even ourselves. We don’t stop with people. We label our food, clothing, the weather, and everything else in our environment.

Why do we do it?

The short answer: Labeling helps us identify and sort our environment. It helped us survive when we were hunter, gatherers. Food. Not food. Dangerous. Not dangerous. You get the idea.

Today, we use labels for reasons other than just survival. They help us make sense of our world and also justify how we perceive it. When we see something happen that causes an emotional reaction, we say it’s “incredible” or “terrifying” depending on how we perceive the situation.

Suffering begins when you mentally label a situation as bad. That causes an emotional contradiction. When you let it be, without naming it, enormous power is available to you. The contradiction cuts you off from that power, the power of life itself. - Eckhart Tolle

Sadly, labels are also used to diminish and dehumanize people. Calling them derogatory names or lumping them into groups deemed as “abnormal”, “misguided” or “wrong” because others don’t agree with what they believe, who they are, or how they live.

We have seen the impact of using such labels, and far worse, which cause people to feel a deep sense of shame. They become stigmatized in the eyes of society and, sadly, even their own because of these harmful labels. The effects cause them to feel ostracized or excluded by those they love, which may lead to more damaging behavior from others and themselves, including, violence, bullying, suicidal ideation and self-harm. We become disconnected from each other, our humanity, and ourselves.

The moment you put a mental label on another human being, you can no longer truly relate to that person...It then becomes possible to perpetrate any act of violence. - Eckhart Tolle

Even in the mental health field, we use labels to diagnose and treat those struggling with their thoughts, emotions, and resulting behaviors. Just like any medical field of practice, we are practicing and working to evolve and refine treatments to better help people. The reality is that this is a “practice” and not exact or always defined. We make approximations, based on research and studies, to treat the best that we can with the information and tools we have. The labels we give to people here are also approximations, and don’t fully define who a person is or will be. Labels don’t describe a whole person. We are not our labels. We are so much more. People are dynamic and ever-changing.

In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), the act of labeling people is considered a thought distortion because, when we do it, we are assigning the label to the entire person. If they are short with us or not talkative, they are an asshole. If they offer advice or information to help on a regular basis, they are a KIA (know-it-all). We disregard their situation (e.g. stressed, grieving, just moved here, adapting to being single again, etc.) and use the label to explain ALL of who they are as a person. We can also do this to ourselves when we fail at something and say we are “Failures” or “Losers”, believing this and acting according to these self-imposed labels. It can be an extremely toxic habit which is also detrimental to us and our relationships.

Yes, labels can be useful and help us make sense of the world and each other. They provide us with a starting point to define, expand upon, and develop context. We must begin to understand labels are a way of helping us navigate through life, and better understand ourselves in the process.

Whether we’re using labels for food, our budgets, and even our health diagnosis, we must remember they are there to help guide us and make sense of our world. They aren’t, nor should they be, there to define who we are and who we will become. Labels can also create limitations, stigmatize, overlook and over simplify something as dynamic as a human being. What they can create in this world is immeasurable.

How do you measure a human’s potential? Not by labeling.