My First Date

If you haven't read my previous post "What Do You Do When You Don't Know How to Date"... well it's actually not a problem at all because it was awful to begin with. If you are so inclined you can take a quick look at it, but I can sum up the train-wreck that was that post faster than you can read it.

In a short and sweet summary, I talk about how I don't know how to date... big shocker! I'm pretty sure at some point I talked about Tom Holland and fictional characters because I was trying to be funny? I don't really know. Bottom line, was not good, I don't know how to date-- still do not know how to date, but this is not a 2.0 of that. Oh, no.

This? This was my very first date... like ever... and it was awful!

I'm going to take you through my nails-on-a-chalkboard evening, but before that let me give you some background that I feel is necessary. I first met this guy, let's call him Alex, when I landed my first job. We interviewed together, and I was immediately attracted to him. The more he spoke in the interview, (which was a group interview by the way, a gift from hell itself) the harder I fell for this guy that I did not know.

The thing about this guy is that he was exactly my type. He had the dark hair, the charming smile, the colored eyes, Portuguese, smart, funny; I could go on and on. When I say he was my type, I mean it literally felt like this guy that I had been sitting next to me was made for me. For a second I stopped and went, "Wow, that's it. My search is over before it even started. This is my future husband."

I then spent the next three years having an imaginary on again-off again relationship with him. Once he moved for college we lost touch, but the crush never really went away.

You know the saying unrequited love? Well, for me is was more like "unrequited like". There was no closure to the crush for me, so any interaction I had with him had that candle I still held for him burning bright. Instagram like? Boom, obsessed. Random comment? I hear wedding bells. Reply to my story? I wear a size four, I like black diamonds.

We had been going through a dry spell for a while when it all started. We didn't interact very much as it was, but it was far less frequent than usual. Now, Game of Thrones might have sucked big time, but it did me the favor of reconnecting me to Alex. I was having a binge session before the new season, as one does before the biggest airing of the year, when I decided to share this on my story. Alex, being a giant nerd for GoT, replied to my story. Soon we were having daily conversations concerning the show.

I really didn't care for discussing it, but it kept me in contact with him, so soon I was looking up theories and content to keep the conversations from drying up. Instagram turned to snap, snapping became a daily thing, and soon we had a baby streak. Aw, how cute, an online relationship that isn't really a relationship! I'm getting there.

So one night, I was up late making decorations for my bedroom when I sent him a snap of the picture featured at the beginning of story. I would like to mention that every flirt, every pick up line, that happened in this interaction was Harry Potter related. I was swooning big time. He began a little flirt, I flirted back, next thing you know we have plans to hang out.

Probably not a big deal for him, but for me? Oh-ho-ho. BIG.

The day comes that we're meant to hang out, and it started off so well. He picks me up, and like the gentleman he is he immediately hands over his phone so I can pick the music. I gladly change his music, and we make our way to the restaurant we're going to be eating at.

I don't like wings. This is important because we were making our way to a place that solely sold wings, but I went along anyway since I felt too nauseous to eat. We get there, and after the drive the conversation is feeling pretty strained. We've gone through all the niceties and regular run of the mill catch-up questions.

At this point I'm having an easier time talking with our two waiters than I am talking with Alex. This should have been an immediate red flag, but I ignored it. I chalked it up to nervousness on both our parts. The food arrives, and I'm glad I have something else to focus on.

Once we pay we make our way to our destination, The Mall. It's probably important for me to interject really quickly to say that I hate the mall, but did I go anyway? Yes, yes I did. This is how badly I wanted to spend the day with this guy.

We meander our way through a couple of stores as he looks for some shoes to buy. He soon starts getting on my nerves as he walks from store to store talking bad about everything that he sees. The way he walks, his gestures, his laid back "whatever happens happens" vibe just isn't rubbing me right. We end up in the vans store where he tries on a pair of shoes, and he loudly exclaims "Wow these suck, who would ever wear these? You can feel the floor!" I slowly look down at my feet that currently reside in a brand-spanking-new pair of white vans.

He realizes this and tries to cover his previous statement. Despite his obvious dislike this guy still decides to buy himself a pair of vans, then proceeds to complain about them for the rest of the day! I buy myself a pair as well just to spite him, not that it mattered, but I really wanted them. A really interesting tidbit of information to add here. An old buddy of mine from a calculus class I took happened to be working that day, and I enjoyed talking to him more for the fifteen minutes we were in there than the two hours I had already spent with Alex.

You'd think by this point I would have tapped out, made an excuse and gone home, but no. Instead we made our way to International Emporium, or something along those lines, where we spent near to three hours flipping through every poster that they had in stock. That was three whole hours of me looking at each poster and going "mmm, mhmm" to his comments, and he had a comment for every poster. Every single one. It was at this point that I realized a really interesting habit of his, he would break out into song every once in a while, this is important for later.

As our day was drawing to a close I found myself thinking how annoyed I was that I had wasted an entire days worth of binge watching Criminal Minds on Netflix. Near to tears we finally left the mall. We made a couple more agonizing stops where I said nothing, I just hummed in agreement, or laughed when it wasn't even called for. The day was becoming more unbearable with each extra stop we made, and I can never look at Barnes and Noble the same.

He finally decides he needs to head home, and I just about started dancing on the spot when I heard those words leave his mouth. I expected the drive to be fairly painless, that we'd just listen to music and I'd be free in no time. Boy, was I mistaken.

He asks me a seemingly innocent question, "Have you ever watched The Phantom of the Opera before?" My answer was no, because I'd really only watched like half before I was bored and changed the movie. The next thing I know he plays the soundtrack on Spotify, and I am being treated to a full on performance in the car. When I say performance, I mean performance. There were hand gestures, emotion, body language, facial expressions; he really went the whole nine yards. I actually found it quite adorable that he was so into it, and I enjoyed watching him sing along to the music for a bit.

That was until I asked him a question. In an attempt to save the evening I begin to ask him about the plot of the movie, and he gladly answers my questions, that is until it hits that part. I really don't remember what the question was, but in the middle of my sentence this guy shushes me. He held out his hand, index finger up, and went "Ssshhh, this is my favorite part."

At this point that was the straw that broke the camels back, I wanted out of the car, and I wanted out of the car now. As we get closer to my house my anxiousness to get as far away as possible grows bigger. We finally turn onto my street, and I can feel myself marginally relaxing at the realization that I was going to be saying goodbye.

It just so happens to be that my family is outside cleaning. It was unconscious when I say "Oh hey, my family is home now!" This guy, after the day he put me through really had the audacity to say "YIKES". As if I would let you meet them Alex!

I'm struggling to get all of my stuff together so I can run far and run fast. I finally have everything I need and we have that awkward moment when we turn to each other and say goodbye.

Alex turns towards me, sticks out his hand for a high five, and says "This was fun." It takes all of my efforts as I raise my hand and give him that high-five, that god awful high-five, before exiting the car without saying anything.

I walked right inside, enjoyed my leftover chicken strips and fries, and we have not talked since.

Three years coming, and I was met with an awful day and a high-five.