My ex had a secret fiancé and 2 kids.. If I can move on, so can you!

If anybody knows heartbreak it's me; I've had my heart ripped out, torn to pieces, put back in place then stomped on all over again more times than I can count! - (admittedly most times it was by the same person - but I'm not the first to go back to a toxic ex and I definitely won't be the last - don't judge!) So if you're sat at home right now, heartbroken, crying, feeling like there's no next step and everything hurts; then give this a read. As nice as we all like to claim we are, there's nothing better when your life is going downhill than finding out that someone else is just slightly more of a mess than you are - we're all human! And that's what I'm here for, to provide a tragically sad, yet humorous (if you're not me) story to let you know that no matter how bad your day was, it could've been worse, a.k.a you could be me. so here it goes, you're welcome...

What do you do when you’ve got no job, no friends, no support system and feel like you’re stuck in a rut? that’s right, you move away. So that’s what I did. I was 19 and decided to move away from home. In hindsight it was a really stupid decision, what was I thinking… I moved 100 miles away, it’s a typical story; I moved away, got a job at a bar, made some friends, met a boy, and that’s when it went down hill. So for privacy purposes let’s just call him Josh, Josh was tall, dark hair, big brown eyes. So we met on a night out, definitely not the most ideal way to meet someone, drunk, slurred words and embarrassing dance moves. But we got on, and after my ex (and the 31 girls he cheated on me with) I really needed to meet a nice guy. Josh was that guy. He was beautiful, kind, he genuinely enjoyed my company. He would text me just to let me know he was thinking about me, we’d go on long car rides, make plans for the upcoming future like weekends away, places we’d go etc.. he seemed perfect, WE seemed perfect! But all good things must come to an end, and so it did. We were in the car one day, his car, just driving around having fun like we always did. I felt my phone buzz, I ignored it at first but in-between songs and laughter and loving gazes i decided to check my phone. I had a message request from a girl I’d never heard of before (lets call her, Amy). the message read “TELL JOSH NOT TO COME HOME” in all capitals, followed by a nasty word that I don’t think I can repeat in an article.. my heart absolutely sank. I didn’t know what to say, I felt a lump in my throat, my chest was pounding. “who’s Amy, and why was she expecting you at her place tonight..” he looked over at me, I couldn’t tell if he looked angry, confused, shocked, guilty.. but he pulled the car over. I didn’t want to cry, although I definitely felt like I could’ve, he stopped the car, and I asked again “Josh, who’s Amy?” I asked him to be honest with me. And I thought he was. he convinced me that Amy was just a crazy ex of his. I knew they had a daughter together, 11 months old almost 1, he told me that she was still in love with him and wanted him back even though he felt nothing for her anymore. and that he was sorry, he should’ve warned me about her. He seemed genuine, sincere, I really did believe him. she had removed their relationship status from her Facebook, there was nothing on any social media that indicated they were together, and I had met his friends.. surely if you were cheating on your partner you wouldn’t invite the girl to publicly meet all of your friends? well, I was wrong. I had gotten one or two messages from Amy after that, nothing major, just question marks and dots trying to get my attention.. I ignored her, I didn’t need the drama in my life, and at the end of the day if your ex doesn’t want you back then that doesn’t give you any right to harass the new person in their life. I thought I was doing the right thing. As time went on we spent more time together, I turned 20, I met more of his friends, we made more plans, he met what little family I had. I got a promotion at work, he bought a new car, everything was going amazing; and for the first time in a long time, I was happy. One night we had arranged to spend the evening together, we were going to go for a long drive, maybe watch a film, and then he’d drop me off at my place as we both had work the next morning. I got a text from him a couple of hours before we were due to meet saying he couldn’t see me as Amy had asked him to have their daughter last minute. I understood, I wasn’t going to second guess him! Since we weren’t going to meet, I decided to take a last minute shift at work, there was another bar girl who needed her shift covered and I didn’t have any other plans so why not! I got to work and about an hour into my shift I noticed we were starting to get busy in the bar, I figured if I didn’t go for a cigarette then, then I wouldn’t get a chance to all night. I was trying to quit but for some reason I really wanted one that night, I guess it was a sign! So I went out front to ask one of the bouncers for a lighter. I lit my cigarette, started chatting with our doormen, and then I looked over and saw it.. Now, the club was situated in the town centre and there were lots of other pubs and bars around it, all in a little neighbourhood / culdersac of bars. So as I stood outside, I could see all the other pubs opposite. And there they were. Josh and Amy and a couple of who I’m assuming were their mates. All giggling, drink in hand, smiling, definitely not looking broken up. I got that feeling again, but 100 times worse. Lump in my throat, heart beating in my chest. And this time I really did cry. I ran back into work and headed straight for the staff room. I wanted to get my stuff and run home, and that’s exactly what I did. I cried the whole way home and fell straight asleep, until I was woken up to a text, from Josh. 3.52am, “you never replied, where you?” He didn’t know I had seen him. We spoke for a while, I asked how his night was, I tried to get him to tell me himself, he didn’t. and then bigger bombshell hit!!: it wasn’t Josh texting me. it was Amy. pretending to be Josh. I couldn’t take it, this was all too much in one night. I didn’t ignore her this time, it had gone too far. I asked her to explain her side, and then I explained mine, Josh had fed us both the same crap story. telling each of us that the other was just crazy and had feelings for him but he felt nothing back.. Me and Amy spoke for hours. Calmed each other down. and then ANOTHER bombshell. I honestly don’t know how I dealt with all of this in one go in the short space of less than 12 hours. but I did. “ I just can’t believe that he would do this to me and the girls.. especially after he proposed not so long ago!” I’m sorry WHAT?!?!?! girls?? proposed?? My head was absolutely spinning.. they didn’t have a daughter together, they had 2! they hadn’t broken up before he met me, they were engaged! I never saw a ring, and I never heard from Amy again. The last encounter I had with Josh involved a lot of tears, harsh words, more lies more excuses. But honestly I had had enough. I am still yet to meet a boy who hasn’t cheated on me, or had a big secret that was hidden from me. But since then I’ve moved away (again) made some better friends and had some really fun nights out. Oh, and written some harsh comments about Josh online. His parents weren’t happy to hear about his extra curricular activities, his mum sent me flowers, I joined a gym and I never contacted him again. so I guess happy endings do happen after all!

So there you have it. just the latest in a series of tragic event that is my life. I hope this put a smile on your face and helped you realise that whoever has made you feel bad enough to need to read my story, s/he isn't worth it. join a gym, get brunch with your friends, drink too many cocktails and post so much on social media that they can't pick up a device without seeing you and your new happy life!

with love, always!

xo