My "Best Friend"

Ahhh, 2018... Lots of ups and downs, mostly downs but I made lemonade from the lemons that I was given but it wasn't lemonade I'd drink. I got booted out of the house I was living at the time with my family, I didn't have anywhere to stay so I ended up staying with my grandmother and my uncle, a good friend of mine from high school died, and I lost a really good friend of mine because she got married. My life drastically changed but the only good things that I had going for me were that I was going to community college to finish getting my degree and my best friend at the time, we'll call her... Josie.

After my good friend, we'll call her... Maria, got married and told me that we couldn't talk anymore, we ended up going our separate ways and I needed to have a good friend who I was going to be able to talk to, not gonna lie, I was also trying to find a cuddle buddy as well so I went to Tinder to help. I was swiping right and left, hoping for a match but I got a little desperate so if there was a gal's Snapchat name on her Tinder, I'd copy it and search for her when I got off the app. While I was still on the app, I came across a gal that was so beautiful, I think I made a stupid noise in the process.

Josie was gorgeous, she was everything I was looking for in not just a friend but a cuddle buddy as well. She was funny, a nerd, awesome, easy to talk to, and most importantly, she was patient with me because she knew that things weren't easy for me. I couldn't have found anyone better, we started talking when I was in my English class and we talked so much that we made sure that one of us sent something whether if it was something silly or something random that she was doing.

I knew I was going to catch feelings for her at some point, it was only a matter of time before I changed things. I started talking to her in around March or April of 2018 and we were already connecting. We were being silly with each other, sending random pics and videos back and forth, and talking about some stuff when things were serious for one of us. It was such a great time.

I noticed that things started to change around May and the only reason I remember this was because the sequel that I've been waiting for was finally coming to theaters after 14 years, I think they said and that was The Incredibles 2. I was so ready to elbow kids out of the way just to get a ticket but that's beside the point. I knew things were changing between me and Josie because she was seeing someone, a guy from the military, we'll call him... Jack. I never met the guy but there's this thing I have about guys from the military because a close friend of mine was married to a guy from the military and long story short, they had a baby together but they had a nasty divorce and the guy didn't want to be a father except he didn't let the baby stay with my friend plus I heard other stories about guys from the military a lot from other friends of mine.

So Josie and Jack were seeing each other but I was slowly but surely catching feelings for Josie, it's not like my feelings for Josie would've mattered anyway because I knew I'd be rejected in a heartbeat and if I remember correctly, I don't think I ever did tell her my feelings so that was good for me. Fast forward to around November or December, I went to go visit my family for the holidays. I was sort of mustering up the courage to tell Josie how I felt about her or at least hint it to her and I know I wasn't going to come out on top from it but it would've helped to get it off my chest but before I went to see my family, something happened with Josie and Jake.

Josie had told me that she broke up with Jake so I did what a normal friend would do, I put my feelings aside to focus on her so she can feel better or at least know that I was there for her. I still had feelings for her but I didn't want to tell her yet so after doing my part as a friend to help her deal with the breakup, I left her alone so she can have some moments to herself. About a day or two into being with my family for the holidays, I check my Instagram sometimes and I wanted to check it until I saw that Josie was with Jake but they were engaged.

Josie and Jack never broke up and I was happy for her but I couldn't help but feel like I was mad because she lied to me. I can understand not having feelings for her and she tells me that they broke up as a misdirect but since I had feelings for her, I felt like she lied to me. It felt like she didn't trust me enough to keep a secret. Over time, I stopped talking to Josie a lot and eventually, she ended up asking if I could go to the wedding but I couldn't do it. My feelings for her were still there and I didn't trust the guy she was marrying so I never went to the wedding when it happened.

Josie and I stopped talking altogether and we took each other off of Snapchat, I got rid of her number, and I stopped following her on Instagram. We went about two years of not talking and I wanted to give it a shot to talk to her again but she ended up blocking me so it's whatever. I knew I shouldn't have been optimistic with her but I tried anyway, at least I know where I stand with her and I know where she stands with me.

I can't believe that she called me her best friend because when I'm someone's best friend, I take that seriously. I'll understand if they don't want to tell me things and leave it alone but if I have feelings for them, then, that's something that we have to address before I continue to do what I can as the best friend. I recently talked to someone about this and from what they told me, Josie used me and I agree because it seems like I was just someone who was there to fill a void but once she got Jake and ended up marrying each other, I wasn't needed anymore.

A best friend is someone who is there for you no matter what even if they can't make it to a wedding or if they don't agree with who they're with, that was me but that wasn't her. I stepped aside for her happiness' sake and this is how I get repaid... I wasn't Josie's best friend, I was someone that would be around as a benefit for only her and to be honest, I'm glad she blocked me.