“Mr. Greg”.

I met my “dad” when I was about 10. I never actually called him dad though. I always called him Mr. Greg. Later on down the road , I finally started calling him by just his first name, but by then “Mr. Greg” had become second nature and I caught myself calling him that every now and again. I didn’t really get to know him to much during those first few months that all came later! All I knew was all of a sudden my mom’s boss started coming to all of the football games I used to cheer for and that was that. I never really thought anything of it until I saw how he looked at my mom one day while I was waving those Pom poms around.

I got to know him more over the years and very quickly, we became close. I remember the first family vacation we took together. We stayed on the beach all day, laying in the sun and having the best time. He could have stayed out there all day if we would’ve let him. He was chill like that. Could lay in the beach all day long without a care in the world. Well, at least until he heard a weather warning. God forbid it snowed an inch down here in South Carolina! He was always the first one to break out the long johns and overalls! He was an advid watcher of all things news. Fox News and CNN you name it. It was always on the tv in the background and I regularly skip over those station now when turning the channel. It brings back to many memories.

It wasn’t until much much later, that I learned more about him and how big of a heart he had. He always watched after me and my sisters as if we were his own daughters, and to him we were. You could ask him for anything and he wouldn’t hesitate to give it to you. He was one of my best friends. I went to him with all of my problems and.. definitely some of my sister’s problems too! ( we were the gossips of the family ) He was definitely the best at giving advice. The person that told you what you needed to hear and not what you wanted. I know that some people had a time with that, but now looking back I definitely appreciated how straight forward he was. We had so many talks on the back roads coming home from school. He’d stop at the gas station/liquor store and buy us 2 bottles of coke and some Jack Daniels. Of course, I was in high school then ,but he knew I drank anyways. He’d roll the window down and pour out some of the Come and then fill her up with jack. Then we’d drive down the road talking about life and everything in between!

Of course all while he drove Miss Daisy! If you ever got to ride with him you’d think about jumping out of the car. I know I did. He drove so slow! He drove us all crazy with it! Looking back he probably did it on purpose! I wouldnt be surprised. He was cheeky that way!

Thanksgiving was yesterday and it wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel like a holiday at all. It wasn’t the first holiday without him, but it’s still one of the hardest. He never really liked the holidays. He never said why. I assume it was because of the rough childhood, which he never talked about either. None of the holidays are the same now. Of course, How could they be when the literal glue is gone?

I kept having flashbacks of you sitting at the head of the table(same as every year) talking about the latest football game. I sure miss that. I try to be festive for Seth.. hell for everyone. Some days I have it in me. Some days I can even imagine that I really feel it. How do people live like this? I barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone set up a Christmas tree. Most days I feel like I can barely move. I don’t want to. If I could I’d always be in bed, head covered up in a little cocoon. At least when I’m asleep I can pretend that this all is a dream and that you’re still here.

It’s been 3 whole days now since the anniversary of your death. That day was the busiest I’ve had in a long time. I know that was you. I would have sulked all day. Constantly thought about it, but you know that...You know me. I had so much to do that day, that by the time I sat down it was midnight and the day was over.

I miss him everyday. There’s not a second that goes by where I don’t think of him. Some silly memory or something he said. I can’t help ,but to cry every time. How could I not? He was my rock. The one I told everything to.

I think about him the most when I’m driving by myself. A song will come on (every time I turn on that HAIR NATION channel) it reminds me of him and I lose it. Of course some of my fondest memories with him were literally while we were in the car listening to the radio. What I wouldn’t give for one of those rides right about now. Just gossiping and talking about life and everything in between. It doesn’t seem that long ago, and I guess it really isn’t. Time is really moving fast here, even though it feels like the days just drag on.

I know I never got to tell you, and you probably wouldn’t have even wanted me to anyways,(seeing as how you were the biggest advocate for me having a relationship with my own father) , but you were more of a dad to me than he ever could have been. You were always the first one I ran to when I needed help or advice. You never judged.. at least out loud, when I would tell you something. You’d just hug me and we’d figure it out. That’s how we got through a lot of things, hugging it out. You were just always there. You were there for every game I cheerleaded at, and for my first date with Joe (who would have guessed that we’d be together now? Certainly not from the neon green skinny jeans he had on that night!). You were there for my 8th grade dance , and you literally taught me how to drive ( even though I never lived down throwing you up into the dashboard). You were the one keeping EVERYONE up with your loud ass snoring on every one of our family vacations, and I even remember you coming into my room and crying for hours after you found out I lost my virginity! I never realized how much of a cheerleader you were for me until now. How you were always the first one to say you were proud of me. You always told me you wanted the best for me, even told me I DESERVED the best. Of course, I didn’t believe it, and still to this day don’t always think so.

I never got to say goodbye to you or tell you how much I loved you and how much you meant to me. I know you got to read this and I’m sure watch me cry while writing it. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to talk about until I looked down at the word count. I just wanted to tell you that I love you always, and I know you’re always with me. P.S. I see all of the signs.