Mommy Syndrome

I remember when I was younger I never understood why women would stay in toxic relationships. I didn't get the whole "I love him even though he makes my life a living hell" declaration. I didn't think in a million years that I would ever be in that situation. That is until one day, after meeting the so called one, I realized I too was that woman.

I get it. It sneaks up on you. First, he does something that upsets you, but you brush it under the rug, because the relationship is new. He then starts slacking off on quality time, because he's been busy with work. One day he'll show you copious amounts of physical affection, and then the next be ice cold. You start slaving away at what you can do better to get his attention. It leaves you feeling confused and unappreciated. Then once every full moon, he'll cry in your arms, telling you how much of an amazing woman you are and thanks you for your patience and unconditional love. All of a sudden, everything that he has done to upset you no longer matters anymore; Because in that moment, he made you feel special and needed. Sounds familiar?

As time went on, I realized not much about him had changed despite all the love and chances I gave him. I had gradually depleted myself to take care of a man that would never change on my terms. Self reflection has taught me a lot of things, one being that you can love a grown man the same way that you love a child. That's the thing I realized after my ex and I broke up. I loved him because he was someone I wanted to take care of. Someone that I felt needed my guidance to become a better lover. If he showed me signs of minuscule growth, it had meant that I had achieved my role as an amazing girlfriend and that I indeed was special.

Let me clarify this with you. It is not your responsibility nor you're calling to change any man for the better. Too many women, myself included, have been sucked into draining relationships because we feel we will be that ONE significant woman that will change his life. I'm afraid to tell you this, but there is no shortcut for bettering a man. People will change when they themselves want to change. It's as simple as that. Save yourself the stress and heartbreak and walk away from these relationships.

My advice to you is to reclaim the time you have given so frivolously to men and use it to heal and nurture yourself. At the end of the day, the only life you are responsible for is your own. Should you ever find yourself in a relationship, please remind one another that you are partners of equilibrium. If that's not being met, leave him sis. After all, you are his girlfriend not his mom.