Mercury

I was born with a different name, one that I don't identify with and haven't for a very, very long time. I won't give my reasons why I don't agree with my name, because it honestly isn't any of your business and doesn't matter in this story. Anyways, when I was younger, my name felt like an ocean, something I was drowning in. I guess I can attribute that to the anxiety I would drown in when I heard it being called.

As I grew older, my name began to feel like a sweater that was once too big, and now was beginning to fit just right. I will admit, I made peace with it at one point, but it didn't last long. Before I knew it, that once cozy sweater became too small and suffocating. I tried on a new name, Frankie, and that is where this story truly starts.

Frankie was a sad eyed teenager with short hair, big eyes, a big heart, a passion for reading, and severe depression, anxiety, and attention deficit issues. Frankie lived in a world of fanfiction and fantasy; making friends with fictional characters when no one was watching, escaping into her head when things on the outside became too much, but the inside wasn't much better. Soon, her most dearest character, the one that she idolized and loved the most, became the thing that she feared; all of her mistakes, all of her trauma, her paranoia, and depression combined into one single entity.

Frankie, a name not accepted by her parents, and her grandparents treated as a joke, changed to Marky. Marky was almost the same as Frankie, but she was... different in a way, more distant. She retreated even further into her mind, and only one person referred to her as Marky; perhaps one of the most beautiful children she had ever seen. Marky didn't last long before the shame settled in. The more she referred to herself as Marky, the more anger seemed to be directed toward her. Eventually, Marky took on another change and became Radio.

I'm sure you're recalling that my name on Vocal is Radio S., which is the name that has stuck with me since its conception. Radio was the first real version of myself that I was able to let out every now and then through my writing. Radio was a secret from my partner for a long time, and eventually, Radio was overshadowed by my current name: Mercury.

For those of you in my immediate circle who didn't know until now, I am going to be unapologetically me from this point forward. Mercury is the name that resonates with every fiber of my being, that makes me feel like I'm me. I have been a stranger in my skin for far too long, and now that I finally have a name that I can call my own, a name that means something to me on a deeper level than I can comprehend, I am not and will not let anyone tell me that I have something wrong with me, nor will I allow anyone to shame me fore feeling the way I do.

My name is Mercury S. S., I am nonbinary, which means I don't identify as man or woman, I identify as me. If me happens to be a they/them, and they/them are/is happy, then leave me be and do us all a favor and not call me by the name I was assigned, it'll save both of us a headache.

To my grandparents on my mother's side, I am not sorry. I have nothing wrong with me, I don't need medical attention, I don't need anything with the exception of one thing. All I ask for is your respect, to treat me like the grown individual I am, and not question why I have decided to become who I have become; because the answer to that question is simple: I am finally being my truest, most authentic self, and I finally feel like my skin fits me in all the right places.

To my dad, because my mum already knows, I hope that you don't see me differently. I know that you more than likely don't care, but I owe you an apology. I didn't want you to find out this way, but this was easier to write than speaking out loud. I will have the courage to answer any questions you may have, but please, be patient if I don't have all the answers. I'm still figuring me out, but I know that this makes me happy. Again, my apologies for not telling you sooner.

Finally, to my grandparents on my fathers side of the family, I apologize for not telling you in preson. I know that the two of you probably wouldn't care either way, but it still would have been better for me to tell you in person rather than by reading this. I feel bad for keeping you and grandpa out of the loop, so, I am going to try and keep in contact more consistently.

A huge thank you is due to my partner, and his family for being accepting and doing heir best to make me feel like I'm me. This is my phoenix rising moment, the moment where I am reborn. This is where my assigned name dies, handed over to the fae, the ether, to whomever may want it. My name is Mercury, I am non-binary, and I am a phoenix.