I recently wrote an article about some of the biggest reasons why people cheat. If you haven't had a chance to read it, you can check it out right here.
They may be looking for the affection they used to get in their marriage. They may also be bored or stressed, and want something exciting in their life. Many people who struggle with their mental and physical health find themselves attracted to the people who can relate to them and help them through this difficult time.
That being said, infidelity doesn't mean that your marriage is over. Whether you or your partner (or both of you) were unfaithful, it doesn't mean that your marriage can't heal. Here are some tips to find peace in your marriage after infidelity.
Don't do anything rash. Many people find out about an affair, and they are ready to throw in the towel. However, you shouldn't make any rash decisions right away.
Instead, give each other some space. Both parties need time to figure out what happened, how they feel, and what they want to do about it. You need to both take time to process the affair before you sit down and talk about it.
You shouldn't get into any big emotionally charged discussions right away. By doing this, you may just end up saying something that you regret. You might lash out at your partner and hurt them in a way you never would have if you weren't so hurt yourself. You may end up saying something that you can't take back, which may just be the nail in the coffin of your marriage.
Be responsible if you were the one who cheated. You need to take responsibility for your actions. You need to end contact with the other person so you and your spouse can move on.
Find someone that you can talk to. You need to find someone that you feel comfortable talking to. If you don't have a family member or friend that you can trust not to be judgmental, you might benefit from talking to a professional.
Talk to a marriage counselor. It often helps to meet with a marriage counselor, especially one who is used to dealing with infidelity. A good counselor can help you figure out why one of you had an affair, as well as teach you ways to rebuild your marriage and make it even better!
Find ways to work on rebuilding the trust. If you both decide to fix the marriage, you need to find a way to regain the trust in your relationship. If you were the one who cheated, ask for forgiveness. If you weren't, you had to find a way to forgive the other person, or your marriage wouldn't work through this rough patch.
The truth is that, if both of you are committed to fixing your marriage, it can be fixed. You both may need time to grapple with the news and figure out how to move forward. You don't want to start talking right away, without processing, because someone might say something that they regret. Instead, take time to process your feelings before you start talking about the plan forward.
Then, work with an experienced marriage counselor and do whatever you can to rebuild the trust. A good counselor will help both of you come to grips with the situation, and find a way to get through it together. You are going to have to find a way forward, but if both of you truly want this, you will find a way to make it happen!
Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.
About the Creator
Small town country girl in southern Pennsylvania. Raising two boys on a small farm filled with horses, goats, chickens, rabbits, ducks, dogs, and a cat. Certified veterinary technician and writer at Virtually Shelley.