Love, great, good, and painful.

My love story began on a carnival midway. We both worked on a travelling carnival when we met. I am James Sims and I met my future on that carnival. Ruby Breummer was her name and I was madly in love. She didn't quite see things as I did at first. In fact, she was just using me to get away from another guy she didn't want to be with anymore. I was getting laid now so I really wasn't caring about much else at the time. Ruby was looking for a way back to Seattle and thought she was going to use me to get her there. What she didn't count on was falling in love with me. I asked her once when she knew she was in love with me? She told exactly the moment she fell for me. We were working a parking lot on Highway 6 just south of Houston, Texas. It was a really nice night, not real busy so I went and got Ruby from a ticket booth and was walking the midway when we were walking by the Kamikaze a really good song started on their stereo and I just grabbed up Ruby and started dancing in front of the whole world sang to her and made her laugh and forget what she had not been able to if for only a minute. That is when she said it hit her like a ton of bricks. That was in November of 2003. We married at my mom's house on January 10, 2oo4.

With the help of my parents, Ruby and I started with much more than we had. Ruby had put conditions on marrying me. I set goals and reached every _one except one by our wedding day. And the last goal was reached 3 days after we married, and that was to get a vehicle which my parents satisfied by giving me a 1992 Toyota Previa van. We returned to the carnival for a short period of time. Shortly after returning we quit and moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma.

We were on a track to adopt a child from a young couple we knew from the carnival. It had been a while since I had been in Tulsa but I knew I could work there and I still had friends there. We had just paid a $160.00 for a campsite at Lake Keystone. The next day we get kicked out without a refund because Drifter and Courtney were arguing loudly the night before and a neighbour complained to us and I couldn't please the man so police got involved and told us we had to leave. I was pissed about losing the money we just spent but I had a plan. I was familiar with Tulsa and looked up Karen, a friend who had a permanent address. I went and found Karen who told me how to find who I was really looking for, Blane and Sue my best friends in Tulsa. Found them living in the Ask us trailer park, Blane was working so I introduced Ruby and the rest to Sue and commenced to drinking beer and visiting. Blane shows up from work comes in and says who the hell do I know from California? then seen me and we just started laughing. We had not seen each other in a couple of years, since I left their house and joined the carnival 2 years earlier. Now I am back with a car and a wife. Blane and I caught up on the news of our lives and I asked about places to live in the trailer park, yes there were 2 empty places. When the landlord showed up on the property I got busy getting us a place to live. Judy Campbell is the owner of the ask us trailer park, and a pretty savvy businesswoman. I had enough money to move in but I had just pulled into town so I wasn't employed yet. Judy said I don't rent to people without a job... I looked at Judy and said a man that wants to work will work! I told her I was going to be employed in 3 days. Took only one day. Blane needed help where he worked at. Ron's CycleLand. Everything was working great. My brother Mark came out and stayed for a while until he got his own trailer across from us and right next door to Blane and Sue. He went out and checked into Tulsa Welding School and told me about it. I went the next day and enrolled. At this point, married life is going great. I attend school, work part_ time at Ron's. 7 months later I graduated with honours, even won a welding machine. Now life had been good, a little bit of a struggle but good. Graduating Tulsa Welding School was probably the best accomplishment of my life at that time. Went from making about $600.00 a month to making 1500.00 a week. I went to work in the field so we were doing what I loved. Travelling and making a good living.

Ruby couldn't handle the road as well as me and I eventually left that job and went home to California. That is what Ruby wanted so we moved to moms for a couple of days I got a job in 3 days. Mom was taking foster kids and for me to stay we were supposed to have a background check and I am a convicted felon so we had another place to go in Greely Hill. Stayed there for a few months, then we had to leave there. We eventually went back to Tulsa. We lived in Tulsa for several years. Did well and then we got Autumn in our lives. A 6_ year_ old girl, my niece by marriage. Autumn has become my daughter. Things were great for a lot of years. I pulled one major incident when I quit a good job and then lied about earning some money. I had a plan but I had to get Ruby to stop thinking that Wal Mart was a career job. I finally got that through her head and I packed up us and my brother and his family and off to the Pacific Northwest bound we were. We stopped at mom's and visited and then continued our journey. Living in tents and working our way up the coast. Eventually making it to Bremerton Washington. Ruby's neck of the woods.

We went to work almost immediately, Ruby first at a place called Watson furniture group, through Labour ready. A couple of days later I was there too. It was here that life started to get bent sideways...

We had been there a little more than a year when I was on my way to use the latrine when my right knee gave out and I hit the floor. I went to the doctor and they told me I needed a total knee replacement. The beginning of the end. I was told that I was young for the procedure and that I should wait to have it done. Waited as long as I could than told doctor to just do it. I got a new knee for my 50th birthday. That was just the beginning, Ruby is pissed instead of helpful she is bitchy. Meanwhile, I am getting worse and I have no clue what is happening to me. I later found out that a bone spur in my neck grew into y Spinal cord and caused a bunch of severe nerve damage to my hands, legs and feet. I could no longer do my job and was fired. Now I go into a deep funk. I am angry at the world, I don't know what is happening and I am being accused of faking and all kinds of shit. Ruby wants me to get up and see a shrink and I want to know what is happening. eventually, I start coming out of my funk and go to professional help. I thought I was doing what she wanted. Autumn and I went to Wal Mart and that is when she informed me that Ruby had intentions of going on a camping trip with an old boyfriend. I went home and confronted her and she didn't deny it. Well, I did everything I could think of to save our marriage, I saw an itinerary for a flight to Iowa and that was a surprise. Had no idea she was going 1700 miles to cheat. I even believed when she said she was only going to her mom's. Until I talked to a mutual friend and she said to call the number I had for Iowa and I did ask for her and they handed her the phone and she knew she was caught. She called me up wanting to come home and like a fool I made it happen. I finally find out what is wrong with me, get an operation to stop from getting worse but told I will never get better, the world as I knew it was gone. Spent a month at a physical therapy rehab facility and when I get home it is only a few days and Ruby wants to take Autumn to Ocean Shores. I knew the minute she mentioned that place what she was up to and Autumn also did, she was sending me stuff from Ruby's phone. When she got back I again confronted her and she denied all of it. Just a matter of time and the truth came out. I was devastated. I was at my lowest point ever and she could only think of her self. Well, I got Autumn and a few things and left. I do have serious trust issues and some PTSD from all that experience. 13 years gone in an instant. I have not been with a woman since. Not even for sex. Now I am looking but find I am running off potential mates because I can't find trust. I am hoping I get past this because I am not supposed to be alone and miserable, should be with my forever love.

It is the example of the pure joy love gives and the unbearable pain of heartbreak.