Love, An Essay

“Your intuition knows what to write, so get the hell out of the way.” -Ray Bradbury

The night was calm, the air was dry. Standing next to her was like all the energies in the world coalescing into one glorious interaction. As if the winds of fate had shifted, sending me on a collision course with life. Slated for the unending adventure, the collection of memories, and the creation of lifetimes. Though, at this point, it was all speculation, I was just high on the idea of love, the feeling of love.

Isn’t that the key though? What is love? And what do we know of it? How many of you will detest love as sacrifice, as giving up a piece of yourself for the benefit of another? How many of you today, believe that your partner offers something that you couldn’t acquire on your own? How many of you, feel a sense of emptiness or worthlessness when faced with your own dread or loneliness? How many have experienced the feeling of loneliness or lack of love?

To wit I pose this question: What if the feeling that you define as loneliness, is an inner part of yourself urging you toward finding fulfilment on your own? What if what you perceive as loneliness is merely a lack of internal drive and purpose? What if the time you spend trying to fulfill yourself with a partner could be better utilized to find your own passion, purpose, and direction? What if, we’ve been conditioned to pursue fulfillment outside of ourselves, when the true measure of happiness is found within?

Exploring this topic a little deeper, lets consider a few things. First who among us can describe the feeling of someone else’s love? Who can tell me what it feels like to accept love from another?

This, I posit, is the first obstacle in truly understanding what love is, and how it communicates itself. There is no feeling another person can give to you. They can behave in certain ways, ways they believe communicate their love for you. That said, are you really looking to someone else’s behaviors to give you a feeling of being loved?

Breaking it down , doesn’t that seem silly? To look for your partner to behave in ways that make you feel love? The only true message in that statement is: “You better behave in the ways I need you to, so that I can be happy.” But is it their behavior that allow you to feel happy, or your valuation of what those behaviors mean?

In this case, couldn’t you assign any meaning to any set of behaviors? Think back to being children, how many people were told that if someone is being mean to them it means that person likes them? How many little girls are conditioned to this message, and then grow up seeking abuse, because in their limited perception, it communicates love? Now, Please be aware that I am using extremes to better communicate the point.

It is far more likely that a little boy grows up without a father figure, and a single mother whose absent at best, comes to view their interactions with mom as the blueprint for future romantic adventures.

Just the same, a little girl grows up with an absent or abusive father figure, will most likely seek men who exhibit those same behaviors. That’s what she’s been conditioned to believe love looks like.

This, my friends, is the basis of emotionally unstable, or even, immature relationships. In these situations, the child has been conditioned to believe that is what love looks like. Being denied love in their formative years causes one to seek the love they were denied. This creates the basis of looking to something outside of yourself to fulfil you.

In contrast, children who grow up with both parents loving freely, and being present with them, creates a much better foundation for future relationships. Although, not without their problems, the healthier the personal script of what love looks like, the healthier future relationships will be.

Digressing back to the initial point, children who’ve grown up with negative love scripts, appear to have an entire realm of obstacles to overcome, before being emotionally and psychologically capable of honest fulfilling partnerships. Once a person can let go of the need to earn, or convince someone of their value, they can learn to find their value internally. They can begin to see all of the things that make them lovable just as they are. They can begin to shed the patterns and manipulations that accompany the need to receive love. As such, they will eventually make a life changing discovery.

That discovery being, that love is a purely personal emotion. Its not something that can be shared. You cannot give someone else the love you feel inside of yourself, much as they cannot give you the love they feel for you. That being the case, wouldn’t the emotions that we perceive as “being in love,” really just be you, using a counterpart to experience your own love? Understanding this logic, couldn’t we learn to manifest our own love at any given point of time and space? Are we not, as human beings, capable of focusing our thoughts on something that brings us joy, or focus on something we love; as a way of feeling the love we falsely perceived was coming from outside of ourselves?

If you’ve read this far I would imagine there is a litany of emotion passing through your body, as your eyes scroll through the verbiage. To you, those of you who have made it this far, Go, go find the things that summon your own love within yourself. Feel the heat of appreciation begin in your chest and flow outward through your bodies. See this energy as it flows and fills your body throughout. Recognize that love is your own, and that you can feel it for any reason you choose. YOU give meaning to your emotions. YOU feel your own love in the presence of someone you adore. YOU can recondition yourself to your place of joy and appreciation. As you learn to fill yourself with your own love, feel it as it shoots out of every pore, spraying everyone in the vicinity with your loving happiness. Feel yourself fill up so full with your own presence, your own love, that you cant help but spill over onto the people you’re around!