Lost Letters. 5.

You’ve caused me to learn that most people are a paragraph in my life. Some people have a whole chapter while other’s maybe only get a sentence, but either way it’s not a forever thing. Pain arrives when I miscategorized these relationships, but that’s still something I’m trying to work through. I’ve realized there is life after breakups. Life might slow down a little bit so, thoughts and emotions can get gathered, but there’s still a life to live.

The thing is your growth doesn’t entitle you to a second chance with me. The part of me that cares about you is proud of the strides you’ve made, but the part of me that cares about myself knows not to indulge in your energy ever again. I’ve spent too long helping others conquer the world, it’s time for me to take care of mine first. It took a lot for me to get to this point because my brain has a funny way of holding onto certain memories, but I had to learn that just because I have history with someone doesn’t entitle them to a place in my future. It was a hard lesson to learn and I’m constantly reminding myself of this one so, if I cut you off…I can guarantee you gave me the scissors.

To my ex best friend #1; You and I had a very turbulent time together. Man, when we were good…we were great. But, when we were bad…shit was terrible. Throughout all of it, it was toxic. Hindsight is 20/20, but I needed you at one point. I’m thankful for the memories made, but fuck you. P.S. why you checking, if you’re over it?

To my ex best friend #2; You and I ended at the time in an unspoken way. I’ve come to realize it was an expired friendship and you would’ve caused more harm than good. It didn’t have to end the way it did, but it’s your fault for the way you handled it. Which explains why my exit was followed by excuses for your behavior. “Let’s forget it ever happened” is an almost apology. It’s neglecting your job to own up to what you did, apologize for it, and understand I may not want you in my life anymore because of the pain you once caused. I hope you learn your emotions.

To my ex; I said I'll love you forever. Which is true, but I'm not in love with you anymore. For a long time I feared losing you. I didn't know if I could live my life without you and frankly I didn't want to. If you knew the Bailey that is here now, you'd be proud which is all I really have to tell myself. We were never meant to workout and you knew that. Thank you for the memories and lessons.

To the infamous fling; We both knew what we were doing, we'd be stupid to act like we didn't. I've never seen someone so miserable with their life and want to keep it exactly how it was. You're a hypocrite for starters, but mostly a coward. I told you how I felt at the end and that was that. I know you have your ways on keeping tabs on me, but please stop...you're embarrassing yourself.

I know you all are well. You’re all living your lives on your terms. I hope you can find a reason to smile and I hope your memory holds me close. There’s no love left for any of you, but there isn’t any hate either. So, don’t get it twisted. Whatever you are still feeling is all you. I wish you all to have the life you deserve & heal.