Dear 2021,

dear 2021

I had my heart broken, got my shit together, changed my hair color(that was a lot), started therapy, made healthy boundaries, got a second dog, but most importantly…I broke my foot. The broken foot has nothing to really do with the story, but it was on the list of firsts for Bailey 2021 edition.

This was the year for girlfriends, self love, and being a bad bitch. I definitely would not be the girl writing this if it wasn’t for the group of girls I have in my life. I love you all. 2021 was a fuck ton of “why not?”. Instead of just thinking about my personal life mantra’s, I made sure to act on them. Which I’ve realized there’s a fine line between living your best life and sabotaging it which I walk that line literally every single day I exist. So, 2022 is about to get very interesting. But I want to live life to the fullest because…why not? I have one life so I’m going to make it as fun as possible for myself.

Through this little spiritual journey I’ve had to let go of a lot. Including people who I loved so deeply and I would say the hardest part of it was not realizing it, but needing to accept it. Saying goodbye to people who are still alive is more painful than someone unexpectedly passing away. That might sound fucked up, but if you’ve been where I am…you understand. I had to learn how to love from a distance which as human beings sounds easy, but it’s quite a difficult thing to navigate. It’s a hard thing for humans to understand the concept of cheering for a different team whose morals and standards don’t meet your own. I’ve learned nobody is really down for you like you’d think. The energy it takes for me to hate people who don’t fit my life is too much. I’ve decided to surround myself with people who lift me up, even if sometimes we don’t see eye to eye.

After spending the majority of last year with most days spent by myself, I really had to deal with myself. I would say the good, the bad, and the ugly, but it was just bad and ugly. I had recognized I had issues, but did nothing about it. Which is the problem right there. Sure, the first step is acknowledging that there’s an issue, but if you’re not doing anything about it then what progress are you actually making? In realizing the amount of work I needed to do, I realized I had many deep wounds that needed attending and bruises that needed to fade. But most importantly, I had to learn how to live with myself. Genuinely love myself and be there for myself because at the end of the day all I have is myself. So I spent as many days as possible in front of the water with just my thoughts and I. Quite a scary experience at first, no lie. It became a little routine of mine that I deeply miss when I’m in PA. The healing process is not an easy one and one thing I’ve learned is it can’t be rushed, but when you have a good support system who has your back no matter the situation, it’s easier.

I’m slowly learning how to just be in the moment. How to exist. How to understand I cannot control life. I’m learning to welcome the confusion and the joy that comes with loving, living and breaking. I’m learning how to accept where I am. It’s a hard thing to train my brain to do since I have this fear of staying in the same place forever. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

When it’s time to make a change, the universe will make it so uncomfortable for you that you have no choice but to leave. When you aren’t happy in a situation, don’t stay in denial and try to make it work. The universe has a better plan for you, trust in the process(no matter how 2016 that sounds of you), but most importantly do your part to align yourself with the things that you want. If there’s even a slight chance at getting something that will make you happy, risk it. Life is way too fucking short and happiness is too rare.

So this is to you 2021, thank you for showing me the true colors of the people around me. You helped me remember that some things need to end in order for new things to begin. This wasn’t the kind of year I had planned, but it’s the year I needed.