Looking Into My Childhood Window

Wild, nor hatched, they do not belong to me.

By Karen LichtmanPublished 4 years ago • 4 min read

From a town known as Oyster Bay, Long Island, rode a [Kaz] with a six pack in her hand. And her daring life of crime made her a legend in her time, east and west of the [Finger Lakes]." --Billy Joel, mostly.

THURSDAY, April 23, 2020

• 6:42am = Meditation, movement, light, hydration, shroom.

• Menstrual Cycle. Phase, Ovulation. Next phase, 5 days. Weight = 131.2.

• I had a tele-appointment with my doctor. I told her that I felt like I was on the Jetsons. She got a good gut laugh in. She and I are the same age. The good news is that it's not Parkinson's. Do you think Alexander Pope would have Googled his symptoms? Or even one single symptom? The trembling in my chin was diagnosed as "nerves." I have been granted an extra three weeks to continue to discover myself, within my own space.

You know, last year I ran a 5K in Flushing Meadow Park. What an amazing place for it. From a Brooklyn view of the world, I live near the first stop of the entire subway line. Flushing Meadow is at the absolute furthest stop from me. It takes forever to get there and home, significantly longer than actually running a 5K. The huge Unisphere is breathtaking. And I feel like such a tiny New Yorker as I run past. This one particular race last year, I found myself running beside a woman, who had to be two and a half decades younger than me. According to my math, that makes her nine. As we passed the Unisphere I shouted to her in jest "This is where the Jetsons met the Flintstones!"

I got nothing. She had no idea what I was talking about.

Thank you Doctor. For everything.

Meet George Jetson!

FRIDAY, April 24, 2020

• 7:45am = Meditation, light, hydration, shroom, window, community good morning. My hydration was GT Synergy, Cosmic Cranberry kombucha. My shroom selection was Host Defense, Turkey Tail. My meditation...

...wow, my meditation this morning was Day 15--The Inner Child, Hope In Uncertain Times.

Woohaa. I can jive with that.

Months ago, and several times during the past few years, I have stated to my Facebook friends that I wanted, and needed to get in touch with my inner Kaz. Those who had known me the longest, knew what I was talking about. My dad gave me the nickname Kaz when I was a child, and it just sort of stuck. There were class and roommates of mine in college, who had no idea that my first name was Karen, until I was handed my degrees.

After I graduated and went to work, I tried to hold onto her. Me, my Kaz and I. But after years of trying to maintain an adult life, I sort of lost her. She should show up every now and then, usually at a place called Acme, in the East Village, not far from The Theater. They had the best hot sauce collection.

This morning, Deepak and Oprah explained that if a child is wounded in any way, they can carry that pain well into maturity. Deepak asked me to go back to Daniel Road North, and look into the window of my childhood home.

What did I see? Laughter, fun, spirit, mom's framed needle points, toys, games. I'm shouting "Daddy sit down," my favorite game, because I got to crawl all over him.

And a three year old Kaz, falling into the toilet, in the middle of one of mom's mahjong games.

Come on man, I was a tired three year old brushing her teeth, and I thought the lid was down.

• I took two dance breaks. They just sort of came up on my YouTube "Watch Later" shuffle. "Someday," Matisyahu + David Byrne "Everybody's Coming to My House" = 46 calories burned, in 8 minutes.

• The same YouTube playlist asked that I watch "DamNation, The Problem with Hydropower." A Native American said the following words: "Thank you for making sure that the fish come back." They also interviewed a river watcher, who has Parkinson's. He wonders what "the final day will be like." Even though I have been a vegan for over seven years, I feel the need to state that I, Karen, Kaz, will never EVER eat a fish again. They are not food. They don't belong to me, neither wild nor hatched.

Which is funny because, Kaz, has been to the fish hatchery in Cold Spring Harbor many times.