Living with Purpose

Can you remember a moment where you impacted someone so much that you made them cry? How about a time where a person touched you in a way so powerful with just their words or their actions and you could hardly contain your emotions?

We have such a powerful impact on people more than we realize. We have the power to change someones day just as much as we have the power to change someones life. Our life is a sequence of chains of event that effect us like dominoes, one by one each action having a positive or negative reaction.

I used to think about this all the time as a young person constantly working in the public. My greeting on any given day could have effected a single or multiple souls and humans I encountered. I one time made such an impact on a woman just by smiling and asking how she was she smiled and hugged me like an old friend and told me I made her day. I was a bit in shock by it, but it profoundly moved me. I often had people tell me it was always nice to see me because I would smile and be cheery. I was told often I made everyone feel like a friend a person they could talk to on a bad day. I often joked I was the retail therapist and often times it was no joke. I loved my job and the regulars and the people I encountered on a day to day. I had the best bosses and coworkers a person could dream of. I told them they weren't just my coworkers they were my family. We depended on each other as a unit and it took one of us to make a mistake or to have an emergency and everyone else had to pull it together. Life isn't much different, just like there is a unit of people who can work together there is a unit of events that can happen to make good or bad happen in the universe. I have always tried to be a positive person putting forth good in the universe when a lot of bad has happened to me.

Recently I feel that I have seen so much good in the universe and it truly moves me to tears at times. I recently had a few major things happen that I have much difficulty discussing but I open up now to be vulnerable but to show just the gravity of human kindness and how impactful it can be in the midst of a persons life to which we have no idea the pain or gravity of any situation. I don't want to say that the kindness given to me is any karmic justice, I don't feel Karma has anything to do with it. Then again I don't believe any kindness given should be given with any hopes or expectations only with pure intentions and a genuine heart. I do feel that we will one day feel the extent of the kindness we have been given, just like the pain we have sown into others lives.

Going back to my story, last year my car was totaled in a brutal accident. My car for the past few years has been so many things for me: a symbol of freedom obviously, it was my dream car, a 2009 Nissan Altima: beautiful leather interior sun roof, Bose stereo and an attachment of an entire relationship with my husband the car I had when my son was born and many miles driven from New York, to New Hampshire to see my husband in our early dating years. Well this car crashing has been a painful event, and the grief gone with it unimaginable. On top of dealing with memories gone and it symbolizing the death of an emotional journey over, it has been a loss too deep for words. My son was brought home from the hospital in that vehicle, and my relationship with his dad began on a night cruise with that car. Well now I say goodbye and it hurts as I face the reality of saying goodbye to a physical porthole to those memories, the transport time machine and literal transport to places in my heart that still ache to be revisited. So as silly as it may seem, the string of emotions is very impactful.

Today I spoke with a woman from the credit company and held back tears explaining the vehicle was totaled and I could no longer pay on it but would pay every penny as soon as I could. I basically told them to repossess it just to get over the pain of looking at it and what a painful reminder it had become; crushed and demolished in a dear friends yard. The woman was so kind and helpful, I remember just feeling so thankful. It hurt letting go and accepting I was going to have to relinquish it, it has felt like the death of a friend and a journey and string of memories happy and sad. I could remember dealing with people in the past from the company who had been so cruel and unkind they literally made me cry on the phone making me feel so invalid as a human, it was so humiliating and degrading. I was nothing because I had no money. I thought to myself "What did I do to deserve this?" I didn't even feel human. Her humanity and kindness made me burst to tears on the playground with my son after disconnecting the call after telling her she was the kindest person I had spoken to from the company and "God bless her for being such a sweet soul." She had also helped me to move on, she was making it possible for me to do so and she didn't even realize it. What she did was far more impactful than she even realized, but I hope she did. I don't know if anyone else had acknowledged her in such a way, I hope I'm not the first and I hope I won't be the last because kindness too often is taken for granted and used, but I will always love and cherish and remember it.

My final example of the chain of life changing moments and acts of kindness was my interaction with my insurance provider. I do not advertise for Geico, but they are my provider and will give credit where it is due. I recently had a series of fraudulent charges on my card that I had to dispute so my card got taken off auto pay and I nearly had a lapse, which living in New York state is a big no no. So him and the kind woman before him had done me the greatest kindness of helping me in a few different ways. The kind woman before the gentleman had helped me get re-enrolled in auto pay and was very kind and understanding and explained numerous things to me and then transferred me to a gentleman who she thought was going to get me a cheaper insurance plan but it turned out that maybe I was just meant to talk to this very kind man for the simple assurance that he was just the angel that was supposed to tell me that things were going to get better. We had a nice conversation about the economy and a difficult conversation about finances since our family had Covid at the beginning of the year and we both lost work (myself due to the loss of a client working in private health care and my husband due to an injury on his job that he got no compensation for) all due to things out of our control. The gentleman assured me there was no pressure in changing our insurance or adding anything and that the coverage he offered would always be available. He had spoken to me in such a kind and genuine manner while my husband sat beside me chiming into the conversation in a humorous way, it felt like a heavy subject became a light hearted conversation between strangers. Finally in the end he said "Well Jo, I hope you have a great rest of your Sunday and everything starts looking up." by the end of the conversation I had a feeling it would.

I could list so many other encounters, I could write the book on human kindness and impactful moments I've had where I've touched lives and they've impacted me but I thank this kind stranger from the bottom of my heart for reminding me. I'll admit lately I've become sad and bitter in many ways and i've had moments I'm less than proud of. Who am I to be raw and vulnerable if I'm not to be shamefully honest? I've lost touch with the woman in that store all those years ago wearing her heart on her sleeve, because now her heart has battle scars and trust issues and reluctancy. Someone might as well hide in the trojan horse than try to barge into my heart, but I want to strive to be better to let the wounds heal and find my humanity again and my love for humanity. It has been a struggle that I know we all as humans have. We might as well shout from the rooftops naked because that would be just as embarrassing as opening our hearts again and being badly burned. Maybe life is about being hurt, being vulnerable and letting ourselves learn and regroup and test us. After all aren't our wounds our battle scars? We could be so much more if we wore them proudly and let ourselves become all that we are meant to be and the positive chain in the universe that keeps compelling the reminder of the beauty in humanity and kindness.