Live, Laugh, Love? No. Love, Laugh, Words.

I sat and thought for awhile about what I could to have people support my passions. Have you ever heard of a bookstore that plays music where you can get a hug, have someone make you laugh or sit and listen to your woes? Me either. I know that may sound strange, but to me, it sounds like heaven. I honestly would never take a day off, I would never feel like I was at work!!!

The things that I have heard most about myself is that I have a huge heart and that I am funny. I agree. I love nothing more than showing people love, making others happy or using laughter to brighten their day.

My dad is the kind of man who can say something so witty that people aren't sure if he is being serious or telling a joke. I'm the same way. Someone can say anything and I don't even have to think about what I am going to come back with, it just happens. My son even tells me that I need my own reality show. I think the way to best sum up my humor is to imagine Lucille Ball and Roseanne had a baby. The way that someone can be so down and when I say something and they laugh or smile, it truly warms my heart. I've heard many times, thanks Nikki, I needed that laugh today. I always say that if I have made someone feel loved or made them laugh, that my day was not wasted.

Like countless others, I've had struggles, trauma and know what its like to feel alone, not wanted or loved at times. I've always been very affectionate. I love hugging, placing a hand over someone elses to show that I'm there, or rubbing their back. I'm a nurse and touch is extremely important to me and its one of the ways I show people love. I had took care of a man in nursing school who had cancer and decided he didn't want treatment. His wife was not speaking to him due to his decision. She wasn't at the hospital. Wasn't there for his tests, wouldn't call or visit. It was uncommon to have the same patient for more than 2-3 days and I had him all week. I had to go to get something that weekend and my mom was with me and my patient was still there and yelled from the room to come see him. I introduced him to my mom and he proceeded to tell her that I was his guardian angel. That no one else had been there for him, but I was there at every test and every day taking care of him. That was better than passing the nursing board. Hearing how just me being there had made a difference in someone's life. I didn't know this man, nor did he know me, but just from a week of being around one another, we had formed this connection and I made him feel not so alone in a very trying time. Being there for him when no one else was is literally the highlight of my nursing school experience. I love making people feel special and cared for. Did I agree with his decision to not try to fight the cancer? Not really, but its not my place as a health provider or a human to judge anyone. We never really know what someone else has went through or is going through. Hate is easy to find. Love is easier to give.

Now to words. When I'm not around people, books and music feed MY soul. They remind me of why we are here, how lucky we are to be here and how beautiful life really is. There is nothing better than losing yourself in a song or a book. Why instead of books and music, I said words. I have read a book and cried like the entire story happened to me. I have felt the heartache, anger, despair, love, joy. I have finished the last page and sat and just started at the wall, wondering why it had to end and was there really gonna be another book that would make me feel like this one did. That how amazing is it someone sat and poured their heart and soul into these pages and that they could have these kind of effects on other people.

Its the same way with music. There are songs that have been written before I was even born that make me cry no matter how many times I have heard it. Sometimes I don't even make it to when they start singing, I cry as soon as I hear the melody. The immense feeling inside my chest, of love, loss, joy, longing, it just cuts right through me, Then there are the songs that I hear and it doesn't matter how bad of a day I had, I smile and feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. How amazing that this melody and words make someone's whole mood change. What a miracle that someone has made for others to enjoy.

I have a couple autoimmune diseases and I no longer really know what a day without pain is. The right sound will have me up and moving, sitting and moving, even laying in bed and having what I call a bed dance party. The emotions that arise are just indescribable. I never even think, oh I'm gonna dance. My body just starts to move. Its like it takes over my brain and body for me. I don't understand how my son can sit still at certain songs. I'm always like doesn't this make you want to move? To dance? He tells me he never gets that urge like I do and that is mind boggling to me. Its like I DONT have a choice.

The sad fact is I'm not sure how to tell people to support what fills my heart and soul. The good fact is, it doesn't matter. I would love to own a bookstore/music store. To spend my day singing and dancing. To go through the aisles and smell the pages of books new and old. To touch the edges where so many others have and wondered if this book touched their soul. Id also love to just sit someone and hug people who needed and or wanted one. Touch is so important. There is an actual study where they say we need 8 hugs a day to survive. When is the last time you have gotten 8 hugs a day or even gave 8 hugs away?

To also be there if they needed to vent, for a shoulder to cry on, for someone to remind them life is worth living and we need them here as much as they need someone to help them right now. To share a laugh to ease the pain, make their day more enjoyable. To let people know that we don't have to have the same issues, the same likes, look the same, think the same to realize that we are all more alike than we think and we are all here to take care of one another. I don't even know what that place or job would be called. I can tell you though that I would be so filled with love and joy that I might not need electricity to light up the store, I know my heart and smile would light it up enough.