Letters from an old friend

My dear friend,

I can feel the pain in your words. Know that I am here for you, when and if you need me all you must do is reach out and I will be there, as I am now. Know that you do not need me though, you have what it takes to get through anything in life. Deep down inside you there is a fire that burns, a smoldering heavy pit of embers that only need to be stoked to bring back their raging flame. Alas, the flame appears to have been quenched for the time being, and a little help from an old friend will aid in igniting the passion that has long lived inside of you.

You speak of monstrous events. Demons and carnage and vipers, soul-sucking phantoms and weights that would crush even the mightiest of souls. But you must remember, even God has demons. They are required somewhat to live a good life, for some strange reason the interplay of cruel vs kind is essential so that you may strive, and know what to aim for. It is through your suffering that you find yourself and see what you are truly made of. However, there is no need to worry, it won’t do you any good. No one said life was going to be easy and you have been either naive or stubborn to think it so. Do you think you alone get to sail across a calm sea? Do you think you would even want to? Trust me, it wouldn’t be worth the voyage. All this preparation for a long journey, all the fumbling around in the darkness playing games, the endless searching for the ultimate truth. You spent your years fixing up the wooden planks that hold your ship together, attending to the torn sails, plying barnacles off the bottom of your bow, maintaining your anchor to avoid the inevitable rust, and still your vessel was torn apart during your sailing.

Remember, this is not your first voyage, you have sailed these seas before, and you know the harm that can come from sleeping your days away in a slumber, buried beneath the deck. Instead of keeping your hand on the wheel, your eye on the horizon and your wits about you, a sense of apathy set in. You sail the ship or the ship sails you. I am not here to berate you, only to speak the truth and show the cards as they have been dealt.

The seas are treacherous, no place for an unprepared soul. But you don’t prepare unless you experience it first hand, so step out of the fray you must, and see what it has in store for you. You speak of heartbreak as if you owned a person, and dreams as if they were not dreams. As if you will not run aground again and battle a storm across the ocean’s murky depths. Let me tell you first that you will not run out of things to suffer from, the list will not reduce as your fleeting time on this speck of dirt shrinks ever closer, nor will it subside and disappear if you give up your role, the role that nature demands of you. You cannot hide from providence. The hands of fate have spun their web already, they set in motion events you could not bear to imagine the moment you sprung forth into this world.

Heed not the tales of fountains of youth or a life without suffering. Tall tales are for stories around the campfire and the minds of the weak. Much is to be found in the cave where your insecurities lie, upon the bones of your most dreaded fears, inside the darkness of your most selfish thoughts.

Speak the truth and act as though it is all you know and life will be a fraction easier with each passing moment. Work towards being unselfish in every action. Give compassion to those around you and be patient with yourself, there is much to learn and a good life is one in which you never stop learning. Did you expect to be bestowed the graces of the gods as you entered this world? As though the tides would part and you alone would sail on through. My friend, trust more those with wrinkles in their cheeks and scars across their hearts than furrows in their brows. If you wish to do anything great with your existence you have to be willing to put your hands in the fire and get burnt. If you do not believe me, imagine your last days as if they were already here, would you rather have sailed the seas without a challenge? Would you look back on your life and smile if all you did was cower and complain? Or could you lie there and know that your life was fulfilling and you made good use of your time through the torture and the sorrow and the love and the light?

You know the answer already but you do not wish to see it yet. You are still acting like a child throwing tantrums, and playing games. I do not blame you. I can see first-hand the depth of the tragedy your cards have bestowed upon you. But do not grant yourself the privilege to think you are alone in your suffering. Many more have felt worse than you could ever imagine, many others will never taste a lick of the salt that crusts your lips. Count your blessings and watch your pities so that you do not seek out rewards for your successes or grievances for your failures.

Many think that they alone are the reason they are in a predicament, many others blame the people around them or the world itself. These are shallow attempts to navigate the pitfalls of existence. You and you alone are the reason you are in pain, you decided to allow these difficulties to harm you and in doing so you felt harmed by them. You and you alone decided that the world was out to get you, that it was unfair and unjust in its actions and that you deserved better. You set the trap and walked right into it.

Look at things for what they are; events, objects, emotions. Things that happen to you and things you make happen to yourself. Instead of focusing on what you can control, you put your time and effort into the things you have no say over. Step into the darkness inside yourself, search for the candle that has forever been inside your pocket and set it alight. Use love and patience and compassion to guide you through the challenges that will forever present themselves to you and in doing so, learn how to navigate the wildness of the sea.

It will not be easy; it was never meant to be. No one was going to walk you through it, hold your hand along the way and present the troubles you will face in bite-sized chunks so that you do not sink upon the weight of tremendous pain. You and you alone were meant to face this, to get lashed and beaten and thrown about, and come out all the kinder for having done so. And face it you will, you have little say in what will come your way and avoiding it will only allow the tempestuous ocean to boil and wrath more so.

And one more thing, the cuts and bruises and torn flesh you garner along the way. They will heal. And when you lie there at the end of all of this you will look at those scars and you will remember what you have been through and how it gave you the strength to go through even more and you will say, thank God it was me, I and I alone was given the strength to battle these waters, and I would not have had it any other way.

With love,

Your old friend