Letter to My Husband

Jereck,

There are so many things I want to say to you but I can’t, not because I can’t find the words but because you and I are not together at the moment so I have been forced to put all of my thoughts here out in the open baring my soul to you and the world.

First off you will never know how much you hurt me, like not even if you lived a million years could you ever understand how you have made me feel. The bruises may have gone away as well as the physical pain but the emotional and psychological pain is something I’m not sure I will ever get over. I never thought you would be like the men who came before you. I thought you were better than that but once you started putting your hands on me all of that trust went straight out the window. You used to be my rock, my confidante, the one person in the world I would go to with everything that bothered me or amused me... EVERYTHING! You were my hero, my lover, my best friend and I counted myself so lucky to have you not only in my life but by my side as my companion. We had a love that made the world jealous, I was your Bonnie and you were my Clyde. I don’t know how or where it all started to go wrong but it went horribly wrong really fast. My heart breaks as I remember the night you were taken from me in handcuffs. I honestly felt like my heart had been torn from my chest and shattered into millions of tiny little shards right in front of my very eyes. I know I’m not perfect and I will never claim to be but damn I tried to be your biggest supporter, which is more than I can say for anyone in your family or any of your so called friends. I hate the fear that runs through me when I think of your temper and I hate even more that it is you whose wrath I fear. We used to be so happy, we used to do everything together. I miss those days and would give anything I own just to have those days back again. You are and always will be my everything. You are my lover, the keeper of my heart as well as my secrets, my lover, my best friend, but you are no longer my rock or my protector and I want you to be. If this marriage is going to survive this turmoil we have to come together and be a team again. I want our lives to be us against the world again. You have no idea how hard this has all been for me. I lost everything the night you got hauled away by the cops. I ended up losing my husband, then my home, then my cats and then every single thing I owned all because of that one night. I hate being separated from you. I miss you so freakin bad each and every single day of my life. I hope that while we are apart you are able to get the help you need so that come January we can be together again. You are the only family I have and I just don’t think I could go on living without you in my life. While you are gone I’m going to continue working on me and getting my meds adjusted. Honestly I don’t think they are working for me right now and I’m going to get my head on right and pull myself together, get a place of my own, and do what I gotta do to make some positive changes in my life. I really hate knowing that you are in jail because that is something I never wanted for you because I honestly don’t think that being locked up behind bars is going to help you any. I wish you had just done what you said you were going to do because if you had, all of this could have been avoided. I will wait for you no matter how long that may be, that is how much I love you. I only pray that once this is all over you will still love and want to be with me because I’d love us to have a chance to start over. You will always be my king and I only hope that you still think of me as your queen. I love you and will wait forever for you.

Love,

Your Wife