Let’s Talk About the Fear of Failure

Discover how you can identify the moments when the fear of failure is the barrier to your success and how you can intervene for yourself.

In this article, we will see together what the fear of failure means.

Most of us have experienced the fear of failure at some point, and this fear of failure can be immobilizing, often leading us to do nothing that we should be doing.

To check the above information, we can ask ourselves: Have I ever been so afraid of failing that I preferred to give up? Did I ever realize that I was sabotaging my efforts to avoid a possible major failure?

Has it ever occurred to me that just before reaching a larger goal, I suddenly get sick (running away; lying and apologizing; minimizing the importance of having that goal accomplished; suddenly being very tired and unable to concentrate; to feel that I am not thinking clearly, etc.)?

Signs of the fear of failure

As the fear of success, in most cases, the fear of failure is unconscious, perhaps except when we face a critical challenge, and then we realize that we are afraid of failing. But we experience this fear more often, even in everyday actions.

How do you know:

You have limiting beliefs that act on self-esteem and self-confidence: "I'm not good enough to…"; "I do not see myself to…"; "I'm not lucky to be…"; "If I make a mistake or fail, then I'll make fun of myself"; "Mistakes and failure are bad"; "What makes me important/good enough / to count / to be able to be that others are not disappointed in me / to think only positively about me" etc. — all such beliefs work as a blocker for action.

Feel the fear when you have to act to achieve a goal (especially if you have witnesses)

Perfectionism means a strong desire always to finish the things that bear your signature perfectly and successfully. This can lead you to choose only those you know you have mastered very well.

Retention exaggerated skepticism about new ideas/things

Postponement, abandonment during the process (you start and don't finish things; you start several things at once, without really being involved in any of them), disorganization, indiscipline, and inconsistency

You propose things, but you avoid starting them by explaining that you have something else "priority," even if what you set out to do is very important to you or is imminent.

You live your "success" more in the imaginary plane. You have an active imaginary life, you dream a lot with your eyes open to your desires, but you fail to connect with the earth. When you wake up to reality, you feel fear and disappointment.

You feel the need to lie when you talk about your performance.

Causes of the fear of failure

To understand the causes of fear of failure, we must first understand what "failure" really means.

Most of us refer to failure according to this word's definition and which relates to failure, failure. This is mainly because that's how we were taught.

That is if the value system in which you grew up and developed your cognitions transmitted to you more or less directly as: "if you do not have high grades, you are not among the best"; "If you are wrong, then you will suffer"; "That you are appreciated/loved/valued, etc. for what you do, not for what you are" etc.

So, the fear felt at the thought of a mistake or a possible failure is conditioning. We were conditioned to feel anxiety about failure. Few people know that the fear of failure is a phobia — the phobia — and that fear is exaggerated and irrational in any dread.

Parents can determine early conditioning:

• with too critical an attitude;

• with unrealistic expectations regarding the child's age and resources;

• with a dominant attitude and who did not give the child the opportunity to make choices;

• who did not tolerate mistakes and the consequences were painful for the child — from physical aggression to emotional and emotional withdrawal

• who did not support, guide, and direct the child — which led the child to underperform due to lack of experience and knowledge (in other words, he was left to fend for himself)

• who was also anxious, depressed, or suffering from other mental/emotional/physical ailments and who by their condition promoted unsustainable values ​​for performance, success, and learning

• with a generally negative attitude — they always seemed dissatisfied

But there is also the possibility that the fear of failure has developed over a lifetime due to an intense disappointment around which we have formulated dysfunctional and irrational conclusions.

As the human mind works based on landmarks, if it has a significant precedent set, then it will tend to relate to it in the future in all similar situations:

• Disappointment in a relationship — Fear of establishing new relationships;
• Disappointment or failure at a vital exam/promotion/competition — Fear of trying in the respective fields or even of entering similar contexts, etc.

But there is also that category of people for whom failure, mistake, or failure is an opportunity.

These people have an increased capacity to tolerate dissatisfaction, and their principal values ​​are progress, learning, evolution. They are the ones who say after a failure: "It's nothing, next time I know what to do!".

They are also those people who manage to clearly distinguish their system of values ​​and beliefs from that of the group in which they live and make their own choices, depending on their appreciation and evaluation: they use discernment and have a high level of self-awareness.

This complex of thoughts, emotions, and attitudes exposed here today under the generic name of fear of failure can be a catalyst for a more consciously lived life from within.

Our goals or aspirations are not always "too great," but that latent, unconscious part of us is growing.

Fear, in general, when a real, immediate threat does not generate it, should be perceived as a signal from within, as a call to awakening and awareness of disidentification from the myth it tells us about us.