Let's Talk About It: Casual Dating

I have always been a hopeless romantic, wearing my heart on my sleeve, falling for everyone that comes my way, gave me a compliment and a bit of attention. I have always been in serious relationships, long-term relationships, and anything that resembled a stable relationship, but recently I have been dating a man that has asked to casually date me, and it has thrown me off my game. I didn’t know exactly what he was asking for, I didn’t know what it meant to casually date, on top of that, he said that he didn’t want to worry about “titles”. Being told this was something unusual, something new, and quite confusing, so I started looking into it. I went onto my social platforms (Reddit and Twitter) to get a better idea of what I had gotten myself into, and I received many different responses. I wanted to write about it because I know many people like myself are curious about the subject.

What exactly is Casual Dating?

If you google the term Casual Dating, it gives you a basic explanation such as: “a type of relationship between people who go on dates and spend time together in an ongoing way without the expectation of entering into a long-term, committed relationship.” But what does this actually mean? What are the terms of casually dating someone? Are you allowed to give this person a title? There are so many unanswered questions that I’m sure not even Google has the answers to. I guess the idea is subjective to each individual’s perspective, but who sets the rules of this agreement, and who came up with this idea? Anyway, I am rather new to the concept, I’m still trying to learn, and just going along for the ride.

Is Casual Dating for you?

As I mentioned before, I was never one to seek anything that didn’t resemble a serious relationship, which might have been my downfall, but was what worked for me and was what I was looking for. Casual dating is a loosely defined term, without any concrete rules or set expectations, that seems would be bound to fail. It feels as if this new way of dating would have been created by the opposite sex (I can't see it benefitting a female, I may be wrong), they should have provided a little more insight as to how this option would have worked. I am experimenting with this new guy I'm talking to, but I am a creature of habit so I am set in my ways; I raised myself in a traditional mindset, living in a dysfunctional, untraditional household. My parents were not married, had sex and children out of wedlock, and had a toxic relationship. Not the most ideal situation to raise your children in, so I do have integrated a few unhealthy habits that were due to the examples I have seen. I think more than half of my relationship life, I have been in toxic, combative relationships and I have tried to figure out why that is, it all comes down to one conclusion; being raised with a toxic, bipolar mother that constantly argued with me, kicked me out of the house, basically fending for myself whenever she had her moments. But this part of this article is solely based on the question, "Is Casual Dating for you"? My answer to this question is no, I don't see myself lowering my standards to satisfy an insecure man's ego. At this point of my life, I have a set idea of what I want and what my end goal is; this is no indication that I am looking to get married nor have kids, but I would like to have a long-term serious relationship that is based on the traditional factor of such relationship. I feel I am seeking stability from an outside party, due to not having the stability at home with my immediate family, just because I wasn't raised traditionally, does not define the standards by which I should lead my adult life. I would like to have a respectful, loyal, honest, hard-working man that will want the same things as I do. A man that will be willing to be there for me, will be willing to accept me as I am (not try to change me), and will work with me to make one other a better person, together. I don't see this being too much to ask or as an unreachable goal. A word of advice to my ladies, do not settle for a man that doesn't know your worth, expects you to mold yourself to the image of what he wants, nor lower your standard for anyone.

Finding a serious relationship online

Did I mention that I have experienced two different outcomes when I tried the Online Dating thing? I never really dabbled in the Online dating scene, I never had an issue with meeting people in person, but I know nowadays since mostly all interactions are online or over a mobile device, it's become more difficult (almost obsolete) to walk up to someone and engage in conversation. We live in an era where the majority of our living is done online: shopping, food ordering, dating, work... EVERYTHING! The only time we are required to engage in interpersonal conversation is when you actually have to walk into the market, go into the gas station to pay in cash or buy something to eat, order your food or coffee on an app and pick it up in person. But our interactions have become limited and the need to have a face-to-face conversation is almost extinct. Ask yourself "when was the last time that you have to actually walk up and speak to someone in person?" I bet the answer is less than once in a long span of time. In my case, I have been in the office throughout the pandemic, we weren't furloughed, laid off, or asked to work remote, so I still have the need to interact with my colleagues, plus I am a naturally social person, so I rarely find myself in a non-contact moment. So, whether you have had success finding love online (never said it was impossible and is the new norm) or you haven't tried it, you will eventually find someone that will be compatible with you and will check off every box that you are looking for.

Weigh out your options, find what works for you.

The conclusion to this article is to do your own research before entering into the world of casual dating, if not, it could end in catastrophe. Please make sure to read on the differences between casual dating and serious dating, make a list of the pros and cons, discuss this topic with the group of the closest people in your circle, take a moment to weigh out the options, and take your time. This is a life-altering decision, you need to make sure that what you decide at the end will not cause psychological damage and will not affect your self-esteem. Sharing your life with someone else can have repercussions that you may not notice right away, so make sure to make the best decision for yourself, and with your best interest in mind.