Learn How to Help Your Child Develop Self-Esteem

In psychology, a concrete definition of the self-esteem of the child, but also the adult refers to the relationship between the aspirations, desires of the person and their fulfillment, the success of this person. Therefore, this concept would reflect the person's self-assessment of success in one area or another in his life. It is strictly related to the expectations and desires of the child or adult: if a child wants and values ​​the appreciation of a particular adult (mother, father), and he criticizes him, his self-esteem will be low.

If, on the other hand, the opinion of that adult is not important to the child, the criticism from him will not have any effect or importance. Therefore, if a mother says to the child "you are a fool", it will affect him intensely, but if a neighbor or colleague tells him the same thing, the child may not even consider the comment.

The child's self-esteem is formed on two levels: the external plan, regarding the evaluation he receives from significant others, the acceptance from them and their appreciation, and internally, regarding his evaluation, valorization, and acceptance of the self. his.

Self-esteem can be viewed globally: the child's general opinion about himself or specifically: for example, a child with generally high self-esteem may have low self-esteem in a particular field - in terms of his / her competence at maths.

In everyday language, the child's self-esteem is confused with his self-confidence, but the two, in psychology, are distinct. Self-esteem refers to feelings about oneself, while trust refers to beliefs, cognitive beliefs about oneself.

The first refers to issues related to affect, the second to cognition. Thus, a child may have high self-esteem - he feels valued and valued and appreciated, but low self-esteem - does not think he can learn to swim!

The child's self-esteem is not unconditional: more precisely, it does not remain unaffected by certain failures in everyday life. Children think and feel in comparative terms: if someone is better, if someone has more, self-esteem will suffer - hence the popular saying "let the neighbor's goat die".

Likewise, a certain failure (at school, for example) or a criticism from someone valued by the child will significantly affect his self-esteem. Children have intense, exacerbated emotional reactions to failure or criticism - unlike adults. That is why it is so easy for a sarcastic teacher or an indifferent parent to cause real disasters in the child's self-image.

The child's self-esteem is very unstable and changeable, so parents should be careful to encourage the little one and show them that they appreciate him.

A situation like this: the father asks his child to bring him a glass of water, the little one stumbles and breaks the glass, at which the father starts criticizing: I expect from you "- such a situation, which may seem insignificant to the adult, will affect him more than the little one would think.

He will take his father's words "for granted", then he will think "really, how stupid I am, I'm not doing anything good", and the intense emotional reactions, the emotions of guilt, shame will work at the level of self-image.

The appearance and development of the child's self-esteem are done in the family environment: the first self-assessments are those taken from the parents. The small child - up to five, six years old, is not perceived through the prism of his individuality, but through the prism of the adults around him.

Thus, if a child often hears praise from his parents, for example, how smart and clever he is, he will believe this in turn. Ask a small child what he is like and you will receive exactly the evaluation given by the parents: the little one will tell you whether he is "smart", "good", "bad", "stupid", "cute" etc. Thus, the parents have the most important role and the most decisive influence in the formation of the child's self-esteem. A famous study conducted in 1967 by the psychologist Coopersmith directly related the child's self-esteem to the family environment and the educational style of the parents.

Thus, it has been shown that those children with high self-esteem have loving parents, involved in the child's life, who help and understand them. Also, these children learned from an early age to follow the rules, the parents imposing limits on their behavior and standards, without often using the sanction, but the appreciation and reward. These parents explain to the children why the rules exist and why certain behaviors are unacceptable and harmful, and if the sanction is necessary, the one chosen is mainly the lack of privileges for a while - in no case criticism or aggression.

The child's self-esteem is developed harmoniously in a democratic family environment, in which parents involve the child as much as possible in establishing family plans, daily schedules, and rules. Sounds ideal, but it's real! Thus, self-esteem is helped by the involvement of adults in the child's life, his encouragement and appreciation, his acceptance as it is, and the imposition of precise behavioral standards.

Children who grow up in such a harmonious and democratic family environment not only have a high self-esteem, but also a stable and less influenced by external changes or failures in everyday life.

Studies conducted with children with lower self-esteem and unstable show the aspects that contribute to this situation: parents (especially the father) who criticize, who blame the child, who punish any violation, who do not notice and positive behaviors, who does not notice the successes, which do not show affection and do not spend time with the little ones in various activities.

These children show worrying lability of self-esteem: for example, on a day when they have failed (at school) and have been criticized by the teacher or their parents have a particularly negative self-image, but on another day, when they succeed and are praised, self-esteem increases!

What helps the child's self-esteem? First of all, to self-preservation, to the personal motivation of the person. Second, by developing self-esteem, the child and then the adult adopt group integration strategies, maintain social relationships vital for a harmonious life and mental balance (individuals with low self-esteem are socially maladapted, have real difficulties in creating and maintaining social relationships).

Third, self-esteem leads to motivation and a desire for self-improvement, to acquire new knowledge and skills (while a person who thinks he is not good at anything has no motivation to try to learn something new, believing that he will not succeed). Last but not least, by self-esteem you constantly define and evaluate yourself, you notice what is going well and what is not in your life.