Learn about money and abundance

From the time I was 18, any sense of personal security I felt was, to a large extent, a direct reflection of the size of my bank account. I was always after an arbitrary number that I believed would completely cover anything unexpected and leave enough room.

For a hoarder like me, however, that sense of security is always superficial and never lasts. It relies heavily on physical things to mask festering internal problems.

Just as a person may inherit a certain eye or hair color, I believe my money problems run deep in my family, from generations of outwardly negative spending habits to destructive behavior like my own.

In fact, if we really stop and reflect on our relationship with money, we can learn a lot about how we appear in the world, what we think our values are and the level of respect we have for ourselves.

Regardless of how the behavior plays out, many people revolve around a common theme: fear.

I'm afraid I'll never be comfortable enough; If I do become financially successful, I will lose everything; I will never achieve financial freedom while doing what I love; If I let the money go, it will never come back.

While we carry different types of baggage that can make everyday life difficult, I know that my feelings and attitudes about money influence almost everything I do.

I choose the food I eat at restaurants based entirely on price, I avoid necessary repairs to my car to avoid expenses, and I pass up invitations to travel because I choose to save rather than treat myself.

Quite simply, I allow money to interfere with my attempts to be fully present in the moment, and I tend to ignore what money really means - a sense of money, spiritual and material, that is supposed to flow in and out of our experience.

When I left the chiropractor's office this morning, my body calm and suddenly relieved from the stresses and strains of daily life, I noticed that my mind wandered over the cost of the visit itself.

Then I stopped.

I have less money in my bank account, but I have gained something immortal - painless hips and knees, and a miraculously tense-free neck. What I get in return is more important than the money I hand over.

Whatever negative or positive connotations society attaches to money, in many ways it can shed light on our problems and serve as a way to better understand ourselves and the world around us.

Here are some ways I've tried to get to the root of my relationship with money.

#1 -- Explore family beliefs about money

Words, especially those that are repeated repeatedly, have a way of shaping who we are and what we believe. If you grew up hearing "Money doesn't grow on trees" or "You know we can't afford it," then you've probably sensed that no matter how much there is, it's never enough.

Or in your case, it may be a lack of words that forms your thoughts and beliefs about money - if you grew up in a home that didn't address money directly, because it's a taboo subject, you may be reluctant to ask for help when you need it.

When I entered my first relationship, money was something we shared, and it helped us tremendously to grow in terms of money. Although he is more inclined to spend and I am more inclined to save, I can at least understand why that is and address any problems from that place.

#2 -- Pay attention to spending patterns

Pay attention to spending patterns in your spending habits and leave money out of it.

Too often, we use strictly superficial means to solve money problems -- trying to make more money to cover expenses, trying to budget better, trying to curb shopping trips, etc. All of these things are important, but most of the money problems in our lives are actually symptoms of bigger problems.

I know that I often struggle with an intense fear of the unknown and control issues, which is why I pinch pennies to the extreme and fight panic attacks when unexpected expenses arise.

Others may spend money trying to suppress emotions they don't want or know how to address.

These are the first issues that need to be addressed, and it is likely that the funding problem will start to diminish as a result.

#3 -- Determine your definition of abundance

For many, abundance conjures up images of dollars and cents, lottery tickets and overflowing bank accounts. If that's where you run your business, your chances of feeling fulfilled in life are greatly reduced.

I believe that how we feel about our financial lives directly reflects the richness we feel in other areas of our lives. For example, when I took full advantage of the richness of my personal relationships, I noticed that the nervousness I felt about the money I had eased.

Noticing other areas of your wealth and expressing gratitude on a regular basis will actually put you in a place where you'd like to have more money.

#4 -- Focus now

Assess your ability to be fully present in the moment.

Most of the money anxiety I feel can be attributed to one thing - future-oriented thinking.

The truth is, if I focus on the moment, I will know that I am completely taken care of and everything is fine. All the worry comes from the fire of "what-ifs" that I seem to try to extinguish every few minutes.

Are you fully present at this moment? Can you tell what actually is from your mental representation of what might be? This could be the source of many of your money worries and relationship woes.