It was a new day at the park today and the sun was hardly peeking out on the horizon. Landon's alarm went off on his phone and he rolled I've to turn it off, only to accidentally knock it off the night stand.
For two years I lived in hell. Why I stayed as long as I did, I still cannot really figure it out. I have reasons and explanations I suppose, but none that are good enough to really explain why I stayed. The biggest one was I just kept hoping and praying that things would get better and things would change that he would change, but he never did. It started out just like so many relationships like these do. He put on an act. He lied and manipulated me into believing he was someone he was not. He said he had a job and a car but did not. He hid the fact that he used meth from me for months and months. He even came over to my mom’s house to help us decorate the house for Christmas. I would get messages that were supposed to be for someone else that were “accidently” sent to me. They were messages to his ex talking about paying for his 2 little boys’ daycare costs which he did not pay for (they did not even go to daycare) or to his friend about picking him up for work, but he did not have a job. He sent me these messages to make me think he did these things to make me think he was someone he was not. One night, I would not do something he wanted me to do so he told me that he had been to the doctor and that he had a blood disease and only had 6 months to live. He was crying and everything when he told me, really making me believe this was real to make me feel sorry for him and manipulate me into doing what he wanted. He did not take care of his boys at all. When they would come over for the weekend, I would take care of them. I would wake up with them in the morning, feed them, play with them, bathe them, and put them to bed, while he slept all day or worried about finding his drugs. As our relationship continued, I began to realize all the lies he told me, but I was too far in. I was in love with him for some reason and I did not want to admit to my family that they were right all along, and I was wrong. So, I just let it go and moved on. It became easy to pretend I did not see and ignore all the bad going on, the drugs and the fact that I was losing so much weight because we never had any money for food. We began fighting a lot and they were bad. He would scream at me and everything was my fault. He would call me fat, ugly, stupid, lazy. Then afterwards he would always come crawling back saying how sorry he was, that it will never happen again, and told me how much he loved me, and I would cave every time. I would forgive him and for a little while things would be good again.
Have you ever wondered what love is? Was there ever a time when someone told you they loved you in one breath and hurt you in the very next? Did you ever say to yourself, “If that is what love is I don’t want it”? Well Beloved, welcome to the club. I think we have all wondered at some time or another if what we felt, saw, and heard was love. How we perceive love has a significant impact on how we see ourselves and each other. Love for many of us has been a phenomenal experience while for others it has been a devastating experience. The question for all of us is, how have our love experiences, shaped who we are?
Have you ever wonder, who is your best suit in a long-lasting relationship?
Recently I was in a relationship where I fell for this amazing women she pushed me in every way to better myself and I pushed her to be better. we helped and supported each other. After about 6 months we decided to get married and that is when everything started to go down hill. she was so happy and excited! Her friends and family took me in as one of there own and for the first time in my life I felt truly excepted and happy. I felt like I was finally about to join a family where I truly belong. Then I woke up one day and felt that this is not what I wanted and that i was slowly falling out of love with her. I tried so hard for weeks to convince my self that it was just a phase and that maybe I was just scared to get married. Turns out not only was I lying to myself i was secretly lying to her. Then i met her best friend of 10 years and she trusted me because my finance trusted me. We bonded and got really close. then I realized that I felt more for her then with my finance and that i wanted more with her. I wanted to be her hero. the one to hold her when she cries and tell her everything is going to be okay. I wanted to give her the world. I thought we had a real connection. We had so much in common. she was easy to talk to and we like many of the same things. I felt like we had a chemistry between us. She was in a complex situation herself where her bf was treating her like shit and hadn't really seen or talked to her for 2 months. So I stepped in and wanted to help her and that led to me falling for her. I decided that I had to break things off with my fiance. she would go through my phone and read my messages. she was so insecure and always thought I was gonna leave her and always need to know specific reasons why I loved her. When I did give her specific reasons they were never good enough for her. Granted at this point in our relationship I had already tried to push her away multiple times. So what I did next was confess my feelings to her best friend and told her that I had feelings for her and I wanted more. Obviously I knew her loyalties are with her best friend and that she was blindly in love with someone else who refused to give her marriage and kids after being with her for 8 years. But I have had many regrets not telling girls how I truly felt in the past so I decided I had to tell her no matter the consequences. After I told her I broke up with my finance and thats when I lost her as a friend. She would never talk to me again. I don't blame her she was already in a complex situation her self. But i had a sense of relief that I did not have to continue lying to both of them. The only regret I have is hurting my fiance and losing her. The pain has become so unbearable it hurts so much. I know this is probably what I deserve for hurting them both but it doesn't change the fact im still in so much pain.
As simple as the smile on your face.
It was Sunday, year 2001, it was a rainy day and the sky was grey and windy, there was a girl named Eva was 25 years old. She had very interesting personality and very good observer. She loved her mother and siblings with all her heart. Eva, was very obedient girl since her childhood. She was always dreaming and lost in her own fantasy world. She loved to go to fishing with her older brother and cooking was her another hobby. She was very talented and creative.
