Lara Jean's Reference

I think rom coms are guilty pleasures belonging to those who refuse to admit that anything sappy is the truth. I was called a romantic once because I wrote poetry and letters when they were considered too vintage- similarly to a Hollywood trope or black and white fantasy, and yet elementary. But I realized that many of us who may have a distant relationship with words or poetic thoughts would rather not tippy-toe on views about love or lover's language. So we associate rom coms to the feminine's journey; a chick-flick and any man in the film must be a beast to his beauty or a church-like boy who's connected to spiritual love making him another type of poet—one where his heart is already open.

Read this as my love letter to the poet in question. You. The person who identifies with Lara Jean from To All The Boys I've Loved Before or Andie from Pretty In Pink. Pretty In Pink is To All The Boys I've Loved Before. It's one thing to state why you should watch either film because they both have their own taste to a classic love story, but it's better to analyze both of these characters as unfiltered realistic scriptures of the growing stages of womanhood. Because no matter what age we turn, heartbreak will be heartbreak, and love will be love.

"You know you can say that life itself is just a stupid tradition. But don't analyze it. Just go."

These are the words that Ioan, Andie's Boss from her after-school job at a record shop, uttered to Andie when she dared herself to not go to her prom. A teenage girl only allowed such words to run freely in her head because the guy she was interested in hadn't noticed her. At least, she thought. These are the types of thoughts we let run rampant in our heads rent-free because we're afraid of the idea that we can never be the "chosen" one. I call these thoughts or pigeonhole convictions conservative emotions. They are rules we made up to control our emotions due to past experiences so that we can control what happens to our "naive" emotions when we enter something new. And we wouldn't dare to let anyone trespass them. So we've learned to restrict our feelings because we believe that we can never be worthy of love or embrace experiences that will allow our emotions to go with the flow of life.

"Male fantasy is seen as something that can create reality, whereas female fantasy is regarded as a pure escape." - Bell Hooks

In the opening of To all the boys I've loved before, Lara Jean is immersed in a book that she's reading where she imagines herself as the character in a field of love. Which anyone would see as a little too obtuse for reality. As if we can only dream that fantasy whirlwind but not actually cement these imaginations into our reality. It would have critics say that a woman's standards are too high and that she should downgrade just a little. How dare you love and dream so big.

Lara Jean writes love letters to the crushes she loved hard, includes their mailing addresses, but never mails them. In her mind, sending them may result in rejection, embarrassment, pain or emotional labour that she'd refuse to hold possession of. It's a heavy burden to keep a fantasy when it loses its innocence, and no one knows anything about it. It becomes a beautiful lie. So sealing these emotions in love letters allows her to control a fantasy that is meant to remain a fantasy. This is a tale as old as time. Inventing scenarios and keeping the quiet dreams to ourselves is safe. Because the fantasy isn't always meant to stay. And we're tired of temporary emotions.

Both Andie and Lara Jean are silent about love. And use their silence to shield uncertainty. In the words of Bell Hooks, "We want to know love. We are simply afraid the desire to know too much about love will lead us closer and closer to the abyss of lovelessness." In this abyss, we're left into this cycle of predictable emotions we're glued to, to make sense out of things. But the truth is love is kind, innocent, free and accepting. Rejection doesn't veto your feelings to feel. But it's also challenging, unpredictable, mysterious- cryptic even and can lead us to catalyst affairs. But if love doesn't live with you anymore, it makes it harder for you to keep fantasies alive. It's a part of the social mores that we hold onto in our collective unconscious—a love ethic. Because no one wants to be a hopeless romantic if it doesn't lead to something concrete.

Rom coms usually have happy endings, and I refuse to spoil your little heart. But if you are like me, both of these films should be in at least your top 10, right? At least.

To the dreamer, may you allow your fantasies to not live in your head forever. And may you come out of the abyss and surrender to love.