Before I start, let me say that I can possibly be giving horrible advice on this one, so read it carefully and apply it to your life IF you see fit. Remember, I’m telling my story, so don’t judge me too hard. I’d love to hear your thoughts…..
Many times we hear people say, we see memes and quotes that talk about knowing your worth. It’s in songs, it serves as themes to movies, it’s everywhere, but do we really understand what it truly means? To me, it means loving yourself enough to walk away, even if it hurts.
If you are in a relationship, sit back and honestly think what you want out of a relationship and quietly reflect, “will I ever get what I want if I stay in my current situation?” I understand that relationships are all about compromise, but at what expense…..your happiness? What is your goal? Marriage, A happy Co-living situation, Complete monogamy…. whatever it is, you deserve it.
The thing is, what are you going to do to get it 🤨. Now I can’t tell you what to do to get these things. I only want you to pay attention to what you are currently doing. Too many times, we give our best years to relationships that don’t go anywhere. I am the president of that club. I’m mature enough now to say that it was my fault for wasting my time. Yes, I said, wasting my time. 😳
At some point, we have to be honest with ourselves. Settling will never make you happy, just content. Pretend your relationship was a job. Would you stay in a position that never promoted you? Even though you were the most qualified and the best at whatever it is you do. Would you allow your boss to look over you and give you the bare minimum continuously? Maybe for a year or two, but when is enough, enough?
I know you heard this before, but let me be the first to say if you didn’t; You show people how to treat you by what you accept. If I’m in a dead-end relationship, and my partner continues to offend and I never react, why would I expect him to do differently?
You must know your worth, and as some people say, you better add tax. After 30-something years, I can say I know my worth, and I’m not afraid to leave those that don’t see it. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m too dope to just be someone’s girlfriend on the weekends. My man deserves me every day. And besides, I’m too old to be playing boyfriend girlfriend games.
If you knew me, a couple of years ago, this conversation would have been totally different. I was one of those, “I don’t believe in marriage,” and “I’m happy how I am” people. But now that I’m looking back, I think that was my hurt and insecurity talking. That was the part of me that never thought I could be able to sustain a healthy relationship. I spoke it so much that I believed it. But deep down inside, I knew I was better than that.
Go back to that same hypothetical job I mentioned before. Maybe you don’t want a promotion, perhaps you feel you aren’t management material, but would you continue to accept minimum wage when you know you deserve better ?? Be honest with your self; we can only use that “let me be thankful for this job” excuse for so long. If not, you are allowing something that should be temporary to keep you from your forever deal. Yes, I said you are allowing it. I say that because some people know what they want and aren’t afraid to let it be known.
I bet you’ve seen this before, and if you haven’t, I owe you a virtual dollar. A man/ or woman in a relationship for years as boyfriend and girlfriend breaks up and marries the next person within a few years. Yep, happens quite often. Let me tell you what happened, that other person came in knowing what they wanted and accepted nothing less. And that’s what more of us need to do. Don’t be afraid to walk away.
Stop being in relationships just to say you are in one. And while I’m on it, stop staying in unhealthy situation-ships just to say you have one. If it’s just about the sex, be an adult and say it is, but don’t trick yourself into believing you are in something when you are not.
Go back to my warning at the beginning and read it once more. This post isn’t for everyone; it’s just the ones that want to be a priority and not an option. This is for those that are searching true happiness and not contentment. This is for those brave enough to love themselves enough to walk away. If I hadn’t said it before, I’m pretty FN Dope, and it doesn’t take that long to see it. Why waste years on someone that isn’t willing to scream their love for you to the mountain tops.
To clear a few things up….. I’m not saying that marriage, moving in, or whatever it is you want will make a person faithful. Here’s a secret: there either faithful or their not. But what I am saying is, if your spouse is worth it, and you know you deserve complete happiness with this person, why settle for anything less than?
We need to start teaching, no, we need to start showing our daughters ( and sons) that loyalty doesn’t mean how much pain you can tolerate from your spouse. Don’t be afraid to walk away, if you are lucky your spouse will realize what they are losing and work at fixing it. Love will make a person do things they never thought they would do, yep that’s what love can do, in my Robin Thicke voice. ❤️
Disclaimer: Nope, I’m not married. But that doesn’t matter, I have enough life experience to know shit from sugar. I walked away twice from situations that didn’t serve my ultimate goals, and I’m not afraid to do it again. I have kids, I want them to see better, and they have no excuse to accept anything less. 😏