Kissing Toads

After yet, another failed relationship, my daughter advised me several months ago to try the latest, greatest online dating app to meet someone outside of my zip code. I wasn't real excited at the thought of it but I am also not excited at the thought of owning a bunch of cats. I am much more a dog kind of person.

So, I reluctantly joined... gah!

Using my phone, I went through the motions of adding a profile pic, my education level, current job, if I was a smoker or non-smoker, how many drinks I had a day, and what type of sex I was seeking. Haha... what I meant was if I was seeking male or female or both. I did have to select what type of relationship I was seeking, so the above chuckle isn't too far off! I am not in the market for a hook-up, so it was an easy process to complete.

The hardest part of the entire process was the "say something about yourself" section. I had to pause and think about it. Did I want to be direct and forward, Whitty, vague, or say a million words that probably won't even be read anyway. I went for the direct approach.

I stated: "As much as there is a need for physical attraction, there must be great communication. I am seeking forever with my best friend. I am not in a rush to change my last name, but I am also not looking for a hook-up! I am not a plan B"

The minute I selected the save button, the first face filled my phone screen. I remember thinking... well, this is really happening. I felt like a princess sitting on her throne, as the toads hopped in a line, one by one. Hoping to be the one I kissed. I don't say that with any other meaning than a visual to the childhood book, the princess, and the toad. I don't mean it in the sense that the pool of single men I was looking at was a bunch of ugly, not worthy types. Although there were those in the pool, the vast majority were not bad on the eyes, had decent jobs and some even came across as fun and witty with their bio's.

As I reviewed each one, I was to select an "x" if I was not interested or a "heart symbol" if I was. I had mentioned, I wasn't real eager to go through this process... but here I was! So, I made sure to check all details before making my decision. If I wasn't attracted to them, if their beliefs were non-existent, or if they were a lot shorter than me... "x"!

I am now 43 years young and I am tired of trying to force a square object into a round hole. I have dated enough to know what worked with me, what didn't, and what I am seeking. I am too dang old for playing nice! If I was going to have a chance at truly meeting someone of merit, I had to take this part seriously. I also was going to have to go on dates.

Yes, like actually leave my house!

As I made my selections, a pop-up would notify me if we were a match. Meaning, if they had already "hearted" my profile. Once I went through the pool of singles based on my requirements, I began to read the incoming messages from my matches. I personally think this is where most of the men end up missing their opportunity because they do not take the initial contact seriously. I am not a bad-looking woman, so the incoming message requests were pretty overwhelming!

How is one supposed to narrow the selection other than based on the first few sentences being exchanged? This was easier than I thought it would be, just based on the "good morning's" and "have any big plans today?" messages. Yes, I entertained a few with responses but they did not have my attention captured. It was the "what is your goal from all of this" or the "no bs confessions" and the "let's skip the texting and set a day and time to meet somewhere casual".

Yes, let's get in front of each other.

See if there is a connection and if not, move along! I am not a patient person, so this format is perfect. As a single woman, I know this can be the scariest part of it all. What if you are meeting a serial killer, rapist, etc. Let me pause my experience for a moment to be very serious about this part. If you follow suit and agree to meet with an online stranger... Do Not Be Stupid! Arrange to meet in a very social place, tell someone close to you when, where and who you will be meeting. Check-in with them, etc.

Unless you are Romeo or Juliet, love is not worth dying for!

In the past, this is the stage I would drag my feet at. Wanting to learn more about them, get to a point where we were speaking regularly on the phone. Only to finally agree to meet with them and not have any chemistry. What a waste of both of our time. Also, this now presents a situation of having to tell someone you are no longer interested after getting to know them the past few weeks. Not a feel-good! I guess this is where the "ghosting" stage was developed. For those cowards that don't have the guts, to be honest. You suddenly are forced into silence. Blocked on all social aspects and no longer able to contact them in any way. Leaving one side of the party to feel rejection, confusion, and plainly... stupid! Grow some hair on your chest and speak the truth! It will sting for a moment, but much better than ending up with a stalker because they don't understand what happened.

Whew! I feel better getting that off my chest!

As the selection became narrower and narrower... I gave them my phone number or sent them a messenger invite to move away from the dating app. Plus it is much easier to message and share pictures. I currently have several toads in my messenger app. The ones that caught my eye with their looks, humor, and ability to capture my mind with their words. Words are important to me. So if we can't have a conversation it won't work! I also like talking... a lot! So they will have to like hearing words!

I now have a date lined up for Wednesday to meet for drinks and see if there is a connection. I am actually excited to get to this stage of it all. I don't want to be by myself anymore. I have reached a point where I am okay being alone and I don't feel I have to have someone in my life. I WANT to! My children are raised. I have no real strings (outside of my home, which I am currently selling). I am free to go and do whatever it is my heart desires. Now I have to just find what it is or whom my heart desires.

In the meantime, I am planning what I am going to wear and which lip gloss to apply... you know, just in case...I finally find my toad!