Seeing you today affected me way more than I would have liked. It was just a small, microsecond of a moment where we happened to cross paths, but it might as well have been an hour with how I'm remembering it now. The way you saw me coming before I was even near you, so you quickly moved out of the way, behind a friend—that was what got to me the most, I think. I get why you'd want to avoid me. I just expected you not to acknowledge me the way I did to you. But you genuinely didn't want to even be near me. I guess it's just the first physical sign I've gotten that there's really no hope for us. I think I saw you before you saw me, but for my sake I just acted like I never saw you. I saw your friend, and as soon as I processed who he was, my only thought was, "She's here." And sure enough, you were right behind him. I didn't even get to see you fully. Just a little flash. I had to look away quick so it didn't look like I was looking at you and as soon as you saw me you ducked. Like I said, a microsecond of a moment—but, man, it was too much. Maybe it was the little hope I had before I went through the door that maybe you'd say something, or at least make eye contact with me. Something to show me that maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance for us. That it wasn't something to regret. That it wasn't all for nothing. That even with all the bullshit we've put ourselves through, we can at least still greet each other. I even had the silly idea that you might spontaneously hug me, and I'd be shocked, but I'd hug you back and it would feel amazing because your hugs are amazing and I miss you so much. Today started off great. They had my favorite flavor of Pop-Tart at the book club meeting that morning, and those always get me in a good mood. In Pre-Calc class I did an assignment all on my own and I got a 100. Might not seem like a lot to most people, but that hasn't happened to me in years. Then during lunch, I was able to get some real pizza, not the school kind. The rest of the day was filled with classes that either had a substitute or no work. It was an amazing day. And seeing you, I still can't decide if it made it worse or better. On one hand, I could barely take it. I had to hold tears back on the bus, and now that I'm alone there's nothing to stop them. On the other, seeing you makes my heart happy. Even if it was just for a millisecond before I started feeling like shit, I was glad to see you. Your hair is darker; you dyed it. I already knew that because a mutual friend of ours posted a picture of you after you did it. Then there were your eyes. Somewhere between hazel and green, a mixture of both. Even if it was a fleeting glimpse, even if there was a glare from your glasses, I'll never fail to notice your eyes. Your amazing, wonderfully beautiful eyes that made me feel like I'm on top of the world every time I saw them. I know all of this sounds like some corny romance novel bullshit you would never feed into, but I can't figure out a way to express it to make it sound cool. I can write songs about you any time—when I can think. I've written a few already. But at times like this, when I feel the strongest, I can only draw a blank. I don't know why I'm writing this, either. I'm not sending it to you. We've come too far for that. Maybe I'll just throw it out into the world and hope one day you see it and understand how I feel. Maybe you'll message me so I can understand how you feel. Or maybe none of this will happen. So I don't know what I'm actually hoping for. All I know is, for a fraction of a moment today, I saw you and you saw me, and the world kept on going.