Jealousy Ruins Relationship in Couple

"Everything we do in life is either an act of love or a cry for help." William Williams

Jealousy is a real or imaginary fear - the fear of abandonment, the fear of losing love, the fear of being dishonored as a couple, the fear of being ashamed in the community. Jealousy is resentment or envy of someone who has success and benefits.

Jealousy denotes feelings of possession

Envy and jealousy are close in meaning, but the connotation is different. Envy denotes the desire to possess something that belongs to another, jealousy denotes feelings of possession. Jealousy also refers to the anxiety caused by the fear of losing someone or something in front of a rival.

Jealousy prevents you from growing emotionally

The feeling of jealousy arises because we are afraid to show our needs in one way or another. This state shows that inside of us we need help, a help that we are afraid of or maybe we are too proud to ask for. Jealousy can keep you from growing emotionally. When you feel jealous, you suffer from a combination of anger, addiction, insult, and insecurity. The result is insecurity.

Jealousy leads to physical and verbal aggression

In the couple, jealousy appears as a result of different scenarios. There is evidence, or at least suspicion, that the agreements and trust between the two persons were violated by one of the two. This shows us that one or both partners are insecure about their relationship or have a feeling of insecurity on all levels of their life (social, professional, etc.). Thus, actions that cannot be justified appear in the couple (harassment, physical and verbal aggression, even suicide or even homicide).

Fear is the hidden part of jealousy

Whatever happens, whether the jealousy is justified or not, fear is the hidden part of this feeling and grows as we move closer to the surface. In their descriptions of how they feel in those moments, people say, "I fell silent," "I was paralyzed," "I said things I didn't think of," "I felt like I was banging." These behaviors and all their manifestations distance him and even protect him for a while from the pain he feels inside. Altogether they hurt the couple's relationship.

Understanding takes the first steps toward healing

Regardless of the type of relationship, jealousy comes in handy, and what can be done as a first step is to become aware of it. By bringing it to light and bringing it back to its limits, we will be able to heal.

Psychologist's advice

A first step is to become aware of the problems and damage that appear as an effect of jealousy and that a person can benefit from it (the example of the OTHELLO tragedy).

• Be independent - we need to make sure we are not dependent on anyone. Let's think about what good things we have in our lives and not what we don't have.

• Focus on problem-solving and, why not, on your attractiveness. Sometimes simple things like going to the hairdresser or shopping can help. There is a course to increase self-confidence and assertiveness - it can be beneficial.

• Be honest with yourself - take a piece of paper and write down what makes you jealous. Look at the reasons objectively. Are these things stupid or are they very important?

• Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell him your feelings. Does this person do things that cause your jealousy? Tell him how he can help you. Just because someone shares the problem with you, can help you heal faster.

• Study your rival. Watch carefully who you are jealous of. What do you like and dislike about this person? Does she have more important qualities than you? You have to be realistic about it. Take control of your feelings. End the relationship if you feel like nothing works. Take time to focus on your emotional growth. If you work to understand yourself, you can also improve your relationships.

• Don't overreact. Remember that many incidents are temporary and do not always end well. Losing control of your emotions and feelings only makes things worse.

• Go to a marriage counselor. Sometimes it is embarrassing to go to a psychologist to help you solve your problems. I know how hard it was for me to go to a psychologist to seek help for a marital problem. I felt like I couldn't solve my problem.

What I learned was that sometimes we don't need help. But if your jealousy is out of control, your psychologist or marriage counselor can help you not ruin your marriage.