It Was An E-scooter Dream

At this point, you may just be thinking this to yourself:

‘Well, that little dingleberry, he’s forgotten. He’s written absolutely nothing here for over a month… He’s not in the least obsessed — with his work; that is… if that’s what he even wishes to call it. He’s certainly no Howard Roark. Where. is. his. masterpiece? I know! On vacation! That's where he is, that Jughead. Well, I’ve been patiently waiting for his next piece, and upon my word, the river stream from this fountainhead is all but dried up now, and what is left dripping is something straight from Hippolytus de Marsiliis; he’s definitely not slaking my thirst. Do you know what he is? I'll tell you. He’s an Ellsworth Toohey. Yes, that’s exactly it! Why, we’ll teach him, won’t we? We’ll squeeze some words out of him, yet. We’ll shake and wring them out until he chokes on his own words from waterboarding. Jolly ol wait and see — we’ll do it! He’s fresh off the boat, that one, from wherever he's been drifting; and he’s breaking all the damn writing rules and promises wherever he's shored up. That’s even worse — worse than any poppycock he’d ever bother to regurgitate here for my amusement.’

So, erm, long story short, why the rather long delay this time?

Well, just imagine for a minute, that you’ve got an errand to run, and you’re a wee bit pressed for time. Sure, it happens to the best of us. But, nothing to fear, you can still make it… in your V12, or your diesel. Just put the pedal to the metal, right? Wrong.

You’d stop me in my tracks right here, mid-sentence, and spew vitriol my way as you insist that my footprint is leaving a stain on the clutch — or something about Carbon (or is it, Nitrogen?) — and bemoan that the electric scooter would be the better choice. Fine, we’ll go 'environmental', for the sake of humanity. We'll leave the hydrocarbon alone and please all the tree-huggers today. And, it just so happens that you can see a lineup of electric scooters, in one of those fancy designated areas (pictured above), not even a stone's throw from your home. But, there is just one problem...

'What? Just what on earth is he raving about? He’s a fool. A damn fool, I’ll tell you. How do you suppose that a scooter has anything to do with buckling down and typing out a single word on this platform?'

Well, hear me out, let’s talk a little about that 10 percent grade on the way to the local store. It's a rather steep grade, to be honest. And these scooters, well, they just don’t diddly-darn go beyond grandma mode, up that grade; and that, my fellow subscribers, that right there, is a particularly vexing problem for all the Enzos in the matrix, because there just happens to be more than just a few kilometres to go, and you and I both know that arriving, on time, with the e-scooter, when faced with such an insurmountable obstacle, is a pipe dream. You can snake up the road with that big ol "S" on Jughead's favourite sweater, but you still might stall, and you might never reach your destination, 'sandwich'.

But, before you get mad at the e-scooter, just mind all the Dick and Janes out there, once more… For them, a top speed on a scooter… is actually a good thing. Just think of all those crazy accidents that have surfaced after the advent of the dockless e-scooter, back in … was it 2017? And just consider all the newbies who will be using it for the first time.

Okay, you might say that that sounds fair. But what about those that have proven themselves? What about those stand-up scooter riders that just wish to hoverboard over, from point A to point B? What can we do for these riders that want a little more 'punch'?

Does the idea of ‘warp-speed’ come to mind, again?

Precisely, but what it really is, is operation: just speed up the damn scooter, for all those folks who have a proven record and can ride the damn thing without flying over the handlebars, or curbing or crashing it. And, suppose for a second, that the scooter has got the built-in potential for something akin to sailor moonbeams that can send it cruising across the core of your city or town like Enzo from ReBoot on this hoverboard. Suppose, that this isn't fiction and there’s nothing out of the ordinary about it... In fact, the 'crescent moon' button has now been placed next to the 'toggle speed' button (I know, it’s right out of your wildest dreams —a scooter with jet propulsion! Dare I say more, just think of the possibilities!); but, again, this is no longer a pipe dream, nor is it a project coming straight out of Area 51, for — faster scooters do exist!

So, if I've lost you in the galaxy, or the matrix ... all I'm asking, is if we can unlock a faster speed for all the guardians of the galaxy in the matrix? For all these folks that need 30+km/hr to make it up the 10% climb. Is it, that much to ask?

Why Not?