Is There a Point In Telling the Truth Today?

Today almost everything is about politics, interests, marketing, and sales. Is there still a place in today’s world of corruption and greed for truth? Hell yeah!

I firmly believe that telling (and hearing) the truth is better in the long run. Despite the risks of people getting angry at you or causing unpleasant situations, in most cases, honesty is the best policy.

Brutal, honest truth

There are many famous quotes about the truth. The first one that comes to mind is:

“The truth will set you free” (John 8:31–32)

I deeply believe in this one. It is one of the eternal truths about the truth (pun intended!).

Another very famous, yet very controversial one is:

“If the truth shall kill them, then let them die”

This quote is often falsely attributed to Immanuel Kant, the famous German philosopher. In fact, it is much more likely a saying by Ayn Rand, an American philosopher from the 20th century.

This quote is often falsely attributed to Immanuel Kant, the famous German philosopher. In fact, it is much more likely a saying by Ayn Rand, an American philosopher from the 20th century.

This saying may sound brutal, but the point is valid. If your beliefs about something or someone are wrong, you would want to know that sooner rather than later, right? Maybe you will not be ready to change your beliefs immediately, but at least you know you are wrong. Then you can change them in the near future, instead of sticking your head in the sand.

We all have some situations in life when we are not sure if we should tell the truth or not. Yes, we know lying is bad, but life is not black or white and many times we are in a dilemma about what to do. We are scared we will hurt someone, or make our life more difficult if we tell the truth. It would be better if I avoid the answer or “bend” the truth a bit, right? I mean, these are called white lies for a reason. They are not about crucial things in life, they just make things easier.

So, how can we solve this conundrum? Let us go back to Kant and his view of this topic. Kant said that we should not lie, as it is morally wrong. However, he did not say that we should always tell the truth. As one of my professors at the University used to say:

“Telling the truth does not mean telling people around you what you think all the time: “Hello, my dear colleague. You look particularly ugly today. I felt I have to tell you what I think is true!””

This ridiculous example shows us the difference between lying and telling what we think of as the truth. If someone asks us for our opinion, we should not lie. That does not mean we should be annoying, self-righteous jerks insulting people around us! So, how can we decide when to tell the truth?

The causes and effects

There are many reasons people name for why they don’t tell the truth. For example, “I did not want to hurt his feelings” or “It would be a very unpleasant situation if she knew that.”

One of the most famous explanations was contained in Jack Nicholson’s notorious words:

“You can’t handle the truth!!!”

This one is very dangerous because it underestimates people and assumes that we are not mature and strong enough to accept the truth. I don’t buy that. We should treat other people as an adult and responsible persons. Besides, do you know how many misunderstandings or bad blood could we avoid if we tell the truth?

This isn’t some preaching of “tough love”. But if you are someone’s friend, it is normal to help them in any way you can. That sometimes includes telling them the inconvenient truth.

Science agrees

In a study by the University of Chicago Booth School of Business stated, “People can handle the truth (more than you think)”, they investigated the consequences of honesty in our everyday life. They concluded that people usually overestimated the bad effects of truth-telling and that we should not be scared of telling the truth. Those “serious” conversations turned out to be more pleasant than expected, and the listeners responded much better than anticipated.

“Taken together, these findings suggest that individuals’ avoidance of honesty may be a mistake… By avoiding honesty, individuals miss out on opportunities that they appreciate in the long-run, and that they would want to repeat.”

My story

Let me give you an example from my life. A good friend of mine started dating a girl, and he really seemed in love. He wanted us to meet her, and that happened at a New Years’ Celebration. I have met the girl and, based on that whole evening, did not like her too much. Another one of our friends had the same impression about this girl like me. We both thought that girl is absolutely wrong for our friend. So when we talked the next day, I decided to tell him the truth. I told him why I think she is the wrong person for him and that their story won’t have a happy ending. Of course, I added that it is my opinion and I could be wrong. He did not like what he heard, but he did appreciate my honesty. After a while, the relationship with that girl ended up in a bad breakup. Then he told me that he remembered my words and was glad that I told him.

Takeaway

So, was I right to tell my friend the truth? I believe so. Even if he got angry with me, I still felt it was my duty to tell him. It is my firm belief that we should tell the truth, in particular to friends and family. Yes, we should be very careful and gentle in the way we say it. After all, we do not want to hurt their feelings more than it is necessary. We are not doing it because it will make us or them feel good, but because it is the right thing to do.

But there are exceptions. There are some people that are simply not ready to hear the truth. It may be obvious to all the other people, but not to them. They are not “there yet”. If you feel that your friend is in such a position, telling them the truth is futile. They will get angry with you or just block the conversation with you from their memory. In that case, follow the old saying:

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine” (Mathew 7.6).

When they become ready, you may tell them, or they will figure it out themselves. But until then, forget about it. Ignorance is bliss, don’t you agree?

Sources:

University of Chicago Booth School of Business. “People can handle the truth (more than you think).” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 19 September 2018. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/09/180919133003.htm>