Is Life Just about Finding What You Believe and Living It Completely

I remember a conversation I had a while back with my son that left me thinking, whoa, where did that come from. It wasn’t entirely because of what he said. It was because, during the conversation, I found myself openly concluding something I had been thinking for some time but just never verbalised.

My youngest and I are forever back and forth, discussing beliefs. My son is at an age where he is testing and questioning what he has been told, by his parents, by the school against what he has been exposed to and what he believes. Fundamentally because of avid interest and noticeable competency, he positions himself as a man of logic and science. He often likes to debunk many of his formative years’ religious texts and teachings.

He has his opinions about religion and spirituality, and I respect that. I am trying to teach him that it is ok to find and evolve what you believe. I am trying to teach him that he has to decide for himself, but at the same time remain open and respectful of what others think. So we often have these discussions, some tongue in cheek, some more serious. But the other day became a little different. For once, he was silent, and I could see he was processing what I said. I am yet to follow up on the conversation, but here is the pivotal moment. Well, it was for me.

During the conversation, I explained, “I can see why you choose science and look for empirical evidence, but you have to remember that even science as we know it could be potentially flawed.” For once, my son was quiet, so I took the opportunity to explain, science is all very well, but you have at one end of the spectrum the common knowledge at a quantum level the paradox of Schroedinger’s cat. You know that you can’t say what it is doing until the cat is observed. You have to assume it is dead and alive at the same time! I explained that observing a phenomenon can change what we perceive or potentially understand as the outcome. I could tell I had his attention, and I knew he would not dispute this fact because we had discussed this before.

I then said, “At the other end of the spectrum, we know the mind interprets our reality. Remember the experiment where people are asked to observe a scene.” I then said, “Remember there was a man/ woman dressed in a gorilla suit who walks by? Remember how very few people notice the gorilla?”

He remembered and agreed that yes, that was true. I explained that we see, hear, and experience what our minds choose to experience for the large part. Still, he was silent. So I concluded, “A lot of how we live in this world is about what we choose to believe. What is important is that we are kind and are not hurting anyone!” For once, my teenage son did not immediately fire a comeback; I could tell he was processing what he had heard; I knew the conversation would continue, but not today.

What’s interesting about this conversation is that I knew that the debate on religion and spirituality is one in which you can defend and debunk with counter-arguments from both sides. The approach we take always stems from a fundamental belief, and yet all and anything we express is in terms of what we know and experience in life. When humans have these conversations we, naturally try to define concepts in the realms of being human, in the fields of our consciousness and the language we know. But, unfortunately, because that is all we can do, there will always be limitations in what we know.

To me, that is a reminder of a valuable life lesson. Life is full of mysteries, and it may be that you have already decided which side of the fence you stand. That is fine, but as we all know, life is seldom simple and certainly not static. Having something or someone you believe is important because it helps define our purpose, it helps explain our why it helps guide us. But at the same time, I would always add because our knowledge and thinking evolve, so should our beliefs. After all, one of the many secrets to happiness is learning to balance accepting and letting go.

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