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INTJ Women: Why Do They Struggle to Fit in with Their Gender?

by Rowan Finley 3 years ago in list
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Snapshot on typology

It is commonly said by countless females who are T (Thinking) types that they struggled to fit in with other girls or women all throughout their lives. Why is this? I specifically want to look more in-depth at the INTJ female type and why she may feel especially feel alienated for the majority of her life. According to the website Caeer Planner, only 0.9% of women are truly INTJ's. Also, if you notice, most of the T types for females are less common. Here are five major reasons why I believe INTJ women will often times feel like they don't fit in to their gender.

1. INTJ women do not like small talk!

The majority of people are fairly good at small talk and prefer it over anything that is too serious or cerebral in nature. INTJ women cannot stand small talk for long at all for several reasons. The first reason is that it bores them very quickly. The second reason is that they don't understand the point of most social niceties. If they don't like someone, then they do not feel, or understand, the need to pretend to like the person by talking to them. Most women are more willing to chit chat about this and that, whereas INTJ women would rather run the other way and find an intriguing scholarly article to preoccupy their attention.

2. INTJ don't like gossip or spreading rumors.

INTJ women also hate gossip because they understand that it is most likely not true and therefore does not have any value; in turn, it is a waste of their time to listen to or be in the midst of hearing such babble. INTJ women are usually pretty confident in their abilities and they are not intimidated by rumors that may be spread about them. INTJ women will avoid other women who spend too much time gossiping and spreading lies about others. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who appear to be entertained by gossiping about other people.

3. INTJ women are not quite as emotionally in tune as other female dominated personality types.

INTJ's are often times overwhelmed by too much emotion, or they may find it downright annoying at times. They want things to make sense and emotions are commonly everything, but logical. When INTJ women are around other women who are more emotional than they are this can be distressing to them. I am actually convinced that INTJ women have just as many emotions as other women do; however, they do not act on their emotions or verbalize them as much, instead they get quiet and prefer to be left alone to sort things out on their own. Many women may look at their INTJ friend and think that they are aloof or cold, but in reality, that is not the case at all. INTJ women just process their emotions in a very unique way.

4. INTJ women are interested in different things compared to other women of different personality types.

INTJ women are known for being drawn to science, medical, or engineering related fields. They enjoy long-term thinking and anything that makes them think of complex solutions to complex problems. Many women enjoy doing group activities, whereas the INTJ women would rather do many activities alone. INTJ women dread group projects in grade school and college because they feel stressed when they have to depend on other people to get the job done. Also, it means that their grade is at stake! The majority of other women are just interested in other things, thus creating very little for them to talk about with INTJ women. INTJ women will often times fit in better with men because their interests are more commonly shared with men.

5. INTJ women are extremely private people.

Most women desire to be an open book with their friends... they want to talk, whereas an INTJ women does not usually want to willingly solicit any information about themselves unless it proves beneficial for futuristic plans or purposes. It can be very difficult to pull information out of an INTJ woman, even for their spouses or close ones. Word of advice to spouses of INTJ women, be very patient and never pry because prying is an instant turn off for them. Just give your INTJ spouse space and time to open up and reassure them that you are available to just listen if they ever want to talk.

Sources Inc. (n.d.). Personality Types by Gender. Retrieved from


About the author

Rowan Finley

Father. Academic Advisor. Musician. Writer. Aspiring licensed mental health counselor.

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